really down at the moment problems with eldest son

balletshoes

Twinklebear wrote: »

Hi, my eldest son is 21 and from my experience his one long term girlfriend turned his brain from sense to mush wherein he changed completely until they split up some 2 years later. Luckily for us he stayed at home and didn't run up any debts but she was putting pressure on for him to give up his job and spend more time with her, turning up unexpectedly at his full time job and when he was studying at university at nights and he just kept trying to please her and spent money he could ill afford trying to keep her in the manner she was very much accustomed. It was a very worrying time as he would have nothing wrong said about her the more I spoke out the more he dug his heels in.

Saying that if I was in your position I would help him out without hesitation, I am nearly 46 and
I am still trying to cope all these years later with parents who never helped me out in life just criticised.
Ok, I have never had any debts so they did me a favour with their attitude but I would never treat my children in that way and will always be behind them. Your son is coming across as having a good heart, before he gets into debt any deeper I would help out as much as I could...just me....

but the one thing doesn't need to go hand in hand with the other. the OP doesn't sound like she's just criticised her son, she sounds like a supportive mum. she doesn't need to bail him out financially to continue being supportive.

mountainofdebt

Ok here's my take on it.

Your son (and I don't mean to be rude) has been thinking with his testicles, not only giving up on trying for the RAF but not even finishing his college course.

So not only that but he's got himself into debt, he's tried to cut corners and not insure his car which means he's really up the creek.

Would I help Junior if he was in a similar situation? Yes I think I would but and its a big but - only after I had a really heart to heart with him, where he saw himself in the future etc and once I had made it clear that that I would not be bailing him out again.