really down at the moment problems with eldest son

sooty&sweep

Hi

Firstly by the sounds of it you've done nothing wrong. He's a teenager as all teenagers do he believes he knows best over mum & dad !!

What help is he asking for ? What does he believe the solution to be ?
If he gave me a clear plan of how he's going to sort his and his girlfrieds financial issues in the long term then I would probably do my best to help.
If he's just asking for money with no intention of changing his lifestyle then I would probably say No. As he will be back for more money as soon as there is another problem and he will slowly drain your savings.
We were all young once and certainly I made my fair share of mistakes. The important thing is Is he learning from them ?

All the best

Jen

dancecrazylegs

thank you for all of your very helpful replies, just as i thought the majority say to let him sort this out for himself, this is what my head is telling me to do,but my heart is telling me to try and help him! he seems to be in denial at the moment, and the sooner he realises the pickle that he is in the better

elantan

you will be helping him though ... you listen, you advise, you get him to decide what it is he wants to achieve ... that is the help he needs now,

he isnt the young child that fell and hurt his knee anymore ... now comes the hard bit .... yikes,

dancecrazylegs

escortg3 wrote: »

Gosh i didnt think of the conviction. your right though.

well if he couldnt afford to run a car before he certainly cant now.

im not really sure what he will get , i have been trying to find out on the web, my husband called to see him last night and he said its all done through the post i think he pleads guilty gets 6 points and a £200 penalty,but if not it goes to court, but first he has got to sort his insurance out and take his docs to the police station, then if he has sorted his insurance out he can pick up the car, i think they charge £200 for the transportation and then around £20 per day storage, his car is probably only worth around £800, but needs transport to get to work at sainsburys which is around 8 miles away

skintmum2012

Hi first off I am sending you a big hug. I am 26 and my 2 kids are quite young but when I was growing up o my did I dig myself some huge holes. My mum and dad left me to it they let me make the mistakes and learn from them and when I knew I was in over my head I went to them hands up and asked for help which is when they used to help me clean up my mess so I had learnt from my mistakes but they never let me get myself to far in the s^^t.
I hope everything works out ok in the end I am sure it will as your son sounds like a good young man sending u another hug

skintmum2012

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Motoring/OwningAVehicle/Motorinsurance/DG_067639 hi this link is the direct gov looks like it could be £200 and 6 points. How long has your son been driving as if it's less then 2 years and he gets 6 points that's him off the rd And then he would have to retake his provisional and his driving text and even then you get the 6 points on your new license. Sorry I know thats the way it works as I have been driving 7 months and have nightmares over it

dancecrazylegs

sooty&sweep wrote: »

Hi

Firstly by the sounds of it you've done nothing wrong. He's a teenager as all teenagers do he believes he knows best over mum & dad !!

What help is he asking for ? What does he believe the solution to be ?
If he gave me a clear plan of how he's going to sort his and his girlfrieds financial issues in the long term then I would probably do my best to help.
If he's just asking for money with no intention of changing his lifestyle then I would probably say No. As he will be back for more money as soon as there is another problem and he will slowly drain your savings.
We were all young once and certainly I made my fair share of mistakes. The important thing is Is he learning from them ?

All the best

Jen

thanks for your reply jen the trouble is that he isnt asking for help he just buries his head in the sand and says everything is fine when we know that its not fine,i just dont know how low he will have to sink before he will put his hand up and declare that he is up the creek without a paddle

dancecrazylegs

skintmum2012 wrote: »

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Motoring/OwningAVehicle/Motorinsurance/DG_067639 hi this link is the direct gov looks like it could be £200 and 6 points. How long has your son been driving as if it's less then 2 years and he gets 6 points that's him off the rd And then he would have to retake his provisional and his driving text and even then you get the 6 points on your new license. Sorry I know thats the way it works as I have been driving 7 months and have nightmares over it

thanks for the info i think hes been driving over 2 years, i seem to remember sorting out his first 2 lots of insurance for him! so he is into his 3rd year

19lottie82

can he not get public transport to work? 8 miles isn't that far....

I'm guessing if he is a 19 year old college drop out and working in a supermarket he is earning minimum wage. Is he full time?

Does his g/f work f/t too? Or does he support her?

Even if she does, I still imagine that anyone would struggle to pay 1/2 the bills in a rental flat AND afford to run a car, especially with the high insuarnce costs for teenagers at the moment.

Would you ideally want him to move back home? If he came home would it be an option for his g/f to come too? What's her situation? 16/17 seesm quite young to move out fo home and get a flat with your b/f?

Obviously he isn't goign to listen to you if you are nagging at him, but could you sit down and work out his incomings / outgoings and show him how his debt is just going to spiral unless he takes a more realistic approach? You said that he has been in the flat for almost a year. Perhaps ask him to re assess the situation when he comes to the end of his 12 month lease? (if this is the case)

balletshoes

dancecrazylegs wrote: »

thanks for your reply jen the trouble is that he isnt asking for help he just buries his head in the sand and says everything is fine when we know that its not fine,i just dont know how low he will have to sink before he will put his hand up and declare that he is up the creek without a paddle

thats got to be his call though, not yours.