Dog help please.....before I lose my family :-(

shegirl

Caroline_a wrote: »

'Dog whisperer' is a daft name for a behaviourist. They are ultimately the same thing. Most people think that dog trainers and behaviourists train dogs - they don't, they train owners. Then the owners train the dogs.

To me, I'm seeing two issues here. I'm not sure you and your husband are working well together as a married couple, and I think that is where the fundamental problem is. The dogs are a symptom of that. If he wanted a happy marriage with a happy wife he wouldn't have got the second dog. It sounds as if there was no discussion about what is a decision that will affect you all for many years, assuming you don't get rid of him. (the dog)

Personally I would be looking at going to Relate. You need to fix (or not) your marriage before you can both work together to solve a solution with the dogs. For what it's worth, I would suggest that a solution for the dogs would be for you to take the dogs one by one to dog training. If the dogs are to stay with you, you will need to learn how to behave around dogs, and how to 'talk dog'.

However, firstly - do you want this marriage? do you love your husband still? does he want it to continue? Sort that out then make your decisions about the dogs.

I agree with that.There are two issues to be dealt with -the husband who has been pretty darn disrespectful in introducing two family members the OP didn't want,against her thoughts and wishes and the dogs being bored senseless and badly trained.

A dog should never be thrust upon you like that.They are a big decision and everyone in the family should agree to get one and it should be true agreement,not 'yeah go on then but I'll hate it'.It's a big responsibility and one that lasts for many years.

I find it very disrespectful and actually irresponsible of your husband to bring these two dogs into your home knowing how you felt.I would be having words with him over it,it's already causing problems within your family life.Would you be able to continue over the next 10 years or so with having dogs in the family home?If you're not a dog person you're not a dog person -nobody can force you to like them and nobody should be pushing them onto you.You're meant to be a partnership and a family.

The dogs themselves I've explained in a post above.

You need to have a serious chat with your husband about where his priorities lie and also do the right thing for those dogs.

marywooyeah

op it sounds horrible, I don't like dogs either so couldn't imagine having to be in that situation but seeing as he's had more than enough time to make good on his promise to train them I'd set a reasonable period, eg 1 month, for him to sort it otherwise they're off to the dogs home. seeing as hes unlikely to suceed, you could be shot of them fairly quickly!

Errata

The priorities of the OH aren't the problem, the pecking order in the household is. Right now the dogs are at the top, the OH comes next, then the kids and finally the OP. Very unhealthy family dynamics.

ska_lover

Errata wrote: »

The priorities of the OH aren't the problem, the pecking order in the household is. Right now the dogs are at the top, the OH comes next, then the kids and finally the OP. Very unhealthy family dynamics.

The priorities of the OH are indeed at the root of the problem. How can a husband insist on their being a dog in the house, if the wife is petrified? If he had not thrust this upon the OP there would be no problem.

He works full time, OP doesn't so he knew from the outset she would be home all day/doing the main share of cleaning up etc.

OP they do sound very poorly trained dogs, who seem to think they are the boss. Repeatedly emptying bins and poo-ing in the house is NOT normal behaviour. Not training a dog is as bad as abusing it - they NEED disclipline - in the same way a child needs it - so they know their boundaries. They can sense you are scared of them.

However you say in an earlier post that you know if your OH had a choice of you or the dogs, they would 100% win - I certainly would not play second fiddle to a pet.

If you like dogs, Springers are wonderful pets, I have got one. No behavioral problems at all, far better behaved than the staffie we used to have

MrsAtobe

margaretclare wrote: »

I'm not intending to scare anyone, and I have no personal experience of this breed - have heard my DH talk about them many's the time, though. It seems to me that what this breed needs is not just exercise as in 'walkies' but a job of work to do. Mental stimulation to avoid boredom.

I used to have dogs, could not cope with them now. But I've often thought that many breeds should not be put into the 'pet' category and expected to cope with living in a domestic situation.

It all depends, on the dog, on the strain (show or working) on their slaves, sorry I meant their owners, it just depends. Mental stimulation is a must, but this can be training, working out how to get food out of a kong, or even just chewing on a chew or stag bar. As I said, I have a retired working dog, and her favourite game at the moment is finding the bits of food I've hidden around the house, but her favourite thing in the whole wide world is to be snuggled up on the settee with one of us.

Ames

From what you say the girl dog is fine apart from not liking you - hardly surprising given that she's always known you don't like her. That's not an excuse though, you need to show her who's boss.

The boy dog sounds like he's just never been trained, as you got him when he was still fairly young and your OH doesn't seem to have bothered to train him.

Where did they come from? Since you haven't had them from puppies it suggests to me that they're rescue dogs, which bring with them a whole load of other problems and issues.

I really think your OH should have done a lot more research, Springer's clearly aren't right for your family. They need constant attention, and as you're scared of dogs you're not in a position to be able to supply that. A smaller lapdog would have been much better. Not that that's much use now they're here.

I agree that you need to try and take them to behaviour classes - you, not your OH. They already know that they need to obey him, they need to learn that you're the boss too.

How are they around the kids? From what you said about the girl dog growling at you from your child's bed it seems that they're protective towards them. Do they obey the kids too? You also need to think about the relationship between the kids and the dogs, and how they'll feel if the dogs just disappear.

When I was little, we had a springer. Mum hated him, she boasted about kicking him down the stairs. She just couldn't cope with a small child and a boisterous dog. In the end she made dad go have him put down, which affected dad for years. I was told that he'd died, and was really angry when I found out the truth. I was 5 when he was put down, and I have to say that it didn't really affect me. Losing our next dog to cancer when I was 19 hurt far more.

QuackQuackOops

You agreed that your family could get a dog. I look at it this way.By agreeing to a dog you become responsible for it the same as other family memebers. You cant have division with statements like "Its your dog" or "Im not feeding it. Its not my dog".

I really feel that you need to get to know these dogs, be part of their upbringing, be part of their training and walks etc. You will soon lose your fear of dogs and will probably feel much better about them being there. Its not an overnight thing, but it is something you can try and be involved in for your families sake.

krlyr

I think you have to be honest about whether you are prepared to put the work in with these dogs - it WILL take hard work and everyone in the house needs to pitch in - you, hubby, kids. If there's even one of you who isn't comitted, it will make the issue harder to deal with, and if neither you or hubby are prepared to take responsibility I would seriously consider rehoming the dogs. Your kids might get upset at the thought but do you honestly believe that they would disown you for it? If you're reaching the point of walking out on the family then I think that it's serious enough that you need to all sit down as a family and get a dog behaviourist in, all be committed to a plan, and give it a time limit to work out (and practices stay in place, not lapsing in 6 months time when you'll be back at the beginning again). I doubt that your children would hold a lifetime grudge against you for it, they may be upset for a while but they will eventually reach a point where they understand you weren't doing it to be petty.
I would recommend finding a local behaviourist via the APBC website - http://www.apbc.org.uk
They will use modern, fair methods and work out a plan for the whole family to follow - and a decent behaviourist will offer constant support, either over the phone or with follow-up visits. If the dogs are insured, you may be able to claim some of the behaviourist costs via insurance, though one or two visits isn't going to be a giant expense if it saves your relationship with your family.
Definately sounds like the dogs need a lot more training, a lot more management, and more stimulation - physical exercise and mental stimulation, so they're tired physically and mentally. They need to learn some basic rule and a bit more respect - you don't have to gain this by "dominating" dogs, but getting more involved in their life can help - being the one who gives them their breakfast, engaging in games with them, doing training with them etc. can build a bigger bond.
In the meantime I would look into some management techniques for your and their safety. Babygates can be good ways to make certain rooms off-limits or contain the dogs to one room. A houseline is a lightweight lead that has no handle - so can be left on the dog all the time as it won't snag on anything. That way if one of the dogs is up on the bed or refusing to move somewhere, you can move them via the houseline and not have to reach for the dog's collar.

JELLYBABY_2

I am not particularly surprised the dog is fouling in the house if he's not let out all day. Also to be fair to the OP's husband he does take both dogs out each morning. No doubt when he returns from work he also deals with the dogs, so the issue is that someone (whether it be the OP or not) needs to tend to the dogs at one point during the day.
OP, how long do they stay in the conservatory for?

Springers can be manic, I have one too. He also reacts to outside noises, so if I know I'm going to be out (4 hours tops) I leave some music on to muffle any disturbances. This works extremely well, I know some people choose to leave their TV on.

To be honest, my springer does not race around the house all day. As long as he gets a good walk each day, plus a couple of other chances to get outside to eliminate, he likes nothing better than a good snooze on my settee! I second the suggestion of a good training class, I attended one to help with lead walking, godsend. Do your springers have toys? Have they been taught the 'Leave' or 'Swap' command?
Like others have said, you cannot continue the way you are. If you are not rehoming the dogs, the answer is for you to be more involved with these dogs, hide their toys, they will thrive on sniffing them out in return for treats. Half an hour of that and you'll probably find them on their backs, legs akimbo, snoring. They are under stimulated.

Having said all of the above, the problem is you are scared of dogs. Or are you just indifferent to them, I admit I am finding it hard to imagine leaving a barking dog so long it poos inside out of desperation. Despite owning one I am scared of some dogs, but seriously, you can get past this. It takes time and I reckon a dog training class would be ideal to tackle this at the same time as helping your dog/s.

Food can make a huge difference to a dogs temperament too? What are they on?

Are the dogs good with your children? Lastly, how come the neighbours don't complain about the barking?

nearlyrich

I think that a couple have to discuss and agree to the big things in life, getting two dogs when one of the partners is not fond stikes me as very disrespectful and very unfair and leads me to believe that there are deeper problems than a couple of crazy dogs.