It's ALL going wrong...

suburbanwifey

heartbreak_star wrote: »

That would be me. I did take the tough-love hat off, I think the OP needs to speak to a doc as the stress of all this happening might have triggered depression and/or anxiety problems.

But people on here have been giving him advice for ages and he's Tefloned 90% of it. I hope the other 10% works out for him as he's had a pretty tough couple of years.

Life isn't fair, but they do say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

HBS x

Yes, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I am stronger after going through various things that didn't kill me. One thing I value about my inner strength though is my empathy for those that haven't found that strength yet and need support and encouragement until they do.

At the end of the day, making difficult choices is hard for most people, no one likes it, and just because we all may try to put off those choices until absolutely necessary doesn't mean those that do that are ignoring advice. Its just that the advice may be sensible but its not what they want to do. We all look for more ways to deal with a problem than the sometimes harsh 'best way'.

I think anyone would be depressed with all the hell that has gone on for Rochdale Guy recently, I mean, loosing your job is bad enough isn't it. Then add on the rest. I think if its at all possible for him to keep his car, he should. Its is independence, his freedom and his escape from stress and that is invaluable at such a difficult time in his life. I think making rash moves without pausing to find other solutions (there are many great minds on here, all wanting to help, he needs to think, listen, ponder and then decide what advice best suits his needs and he is doing that) would be a step too far right now.

We all need a friend during bad times but sometimes well-meaning advice at the wrong time can be a bad thing.

floopnoodle

suburbanwifey wrote: »

I think anyone would be depressed with all the hell that has gone on for Rochdale Guy recently, I mean, loosing your job is bad enough isn't it.

He hasn't lost his job. He has been given very lengthy notice that he eventually will.

He didn't turn up to work one day, find all the doors locked and not receive his wage. (Like many, many people have)

heartbreak_star

I'm with Time to face the music on this one, I'm afraid - they just summed my post up in bullet points and added some excellent extras I have been through a lot of carp too and pulled myself out of it...if I can do it, anyone can.

I didn't say he should get rid of his car altogether, just maybe trade it for a cheaper one that he'll be able to keep with bankruptcy. BR isn't the be all and end all - I personally know someone who considered it a fresh start and is now a homeowner.

We have all tried to "gently, gently" the OP and it hasn't worked.

I would seriously suggest seeing a doctor and maybe a counsellor though, OP. They may be able to help you look at things differently.

HBS x

suburbanwifey

floopnoodle wrote: »

He hasn't lost his job. He has been given very lengthy notice that he eventually will.

He didn't turn up to work one day, find all the doors locked and not receive his wage. (Like many, many people have)

I didn't say he had lost his job, I worded it very carefully. Notice of redundancy means he clearly will lose his job, so my wording about 'losing his job' stands.

I can't think of a worse time to be made redundant, any idea how many out there are facing this? I imagine thousands to be honest, a lot who work at local councils as that is where a lot of jobs are going. I image there are hundreds in his area in the same boat, all looking for the same jobs, so its not that easy to find another one, even with notice!

suburbanwifey

Rochdale Guy, I'd stay off here if I was you, the posts seem to be getting harsher and harsher and I think the milk of human kindness is starting to wear thin across this thread. Try not to let it upset you further, you take care of you.

heartbreak_star

I was under threat of redundancy earlier in the year. I was advised it would be two to three months.

I sent my CV out to job agencies. I put myself forward for jobs both in and out of my current field. I applied for jobs I'd never have thought of before. I applied for anything that might tide me over should I be made redundant. I built up the biggest, squishiest cushion I could, just in case.

RG can do it too - he has plenty of notice. It's all in the planning.

Edit: Suburban wifey, we're really not trying to be harsh. If you look back at some of my earlier posts in this thread and RG's others, I feel utterly sorry for him. But he has to grab this by the horns and deal with it.

HBS x

floopnoodle

suburbanwifey wrote: »

Rochdale Guy, I'd stay off here if I was you, the posts seem to be getting harsher and harsher and I think the milk of human kindness is starting to wear thin across this thread. Try not to let it upset you further, you take care of you.

Interesting how you think 'the milk of human kindness' is keep telling him how hard done by he is, and how none of it is his fault and what an awful situation he has found himself in.

Rather then try and get through to him that he actually needs to 'do' something about his own situation.

I know which one would have the better results.

Magi74

R_G

The hardest part of this challenge - and we've ALL been there (and some of us are still trying to deal with it) is this: getting up off the floor.

It's hard. It hurts like hell. It's too big a burden to carry. You'll wonder "why bother? Why waste effort trying to stand?".

And to make it worse - once you do stand up life will try to knock you over again!

But - we've ALL been there! We know it's hard. We know it hurts like hell. My OH is currently an inpatient after (yet another!) 999 call to rush her into hospital - I think it's the 7th or 8th time this year. I got home 3am this morning and was back down there for 9am.

But you get back up, dig in and stay strong.

Because once you get to the end of your debt-free-wannabe story (whether by IVA, BR or whatever) it will have been worth the effort.

Hang in there, go see your GP and get as much help as you need. Everyone here is rooting for you - but you have to shoulder some of the pain for yourself.

heartbreak_star

Rochdale_Guy wrote: »

Thank you everyone, I appreciate all the posts but I can't do this anymore, really. It's way too much to contemplate...

FAO heartbreak_star, I did read your tough-love posts and hear what you say, but I'm not playing some attention seeking game.

This is real, this is my life, and it's going down the pan despite me paddling as fast as I can.

I need a lucky break, but it's not gonna happen

*hugs* You don't need a lucky break, you need to reassess your situation, take hold of it, and own it.

I reiterate that I do think some medical help is in order - I had some a few years ago and it worked wonders. In the meantime, have you got a new CV sorted? Doing something small but proactive is always a step in the right direction.

Despite what anyone may think of me, I hate hearing people this sad and really wish you all the best - I reckon in a few years you'll look back and be proud of how your rose up out of this.

HBS x

Magi74

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Doing something small but proactive is always a step in the right direction.

This is critical. Lets use the London Sports Day (aka the Olympics! ) as a example. If you decided that you wanted to run a marathon, you wouldn't stick the running shoes on and just try and run 26 miles!! You'd start small - maybe just 1 mile twice a week. Then you increase the distance. Then you run more often.....

....eventually you're running 10+miles 4 times a week.

Start small, take baby steps and keep trying to go forwards. You'll be surprised just how far you'll go in a small space of time.