social anxiety - what to do?

distraction

About me - 27 year old guy, a regular poster on these forums (different username)

The problem - Relationships (lack of, zero specifically)

The reason - Social anxiety (most likely)

The cause - Effects of growing up in an alcoholic family?

The question - What should I do?


The effects of dysfunctional families on kids and teenagers is well documented so i'm not going to go into that here - for me personally it manifests itself in many forms - but mostly as social anxiety, interaction and trust issues with other people.

Recently I have found myself panicking in my head and thinking "I need to take some action to try and fix this". And if i'm honest, this is not the way I want to live my life.

The only way I can really describe it is the inability to relax, the stress that it causes and the fact that social situations are just mentally draining. I have become really quite good at masking it as the years have gone by, although i'm aware people still feel my awkwardness and get uncomfortable around me sometimes (after all, its pretty hard to fake:o).

So, I avoid social situations where possible - but examples where I really struggle every year are the office xmas party and birthdays - I'm a man of few words - so its a total nightmare!

Anyway, i'm sure you get the idea.

It just sounds a bit ridiculous, doesn't it?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

distraction wrote: »

It just sounds a bit ridiculous, doesn't it?

Nope.


Do you have any interests/hobbies/pasttimes/something you might like to do?

Carl31

I dont think its ridiculous ,in fact i would say its quite possibly the majority that have some sort of social anxiety in some way. My ex, and sons mum couldnt handle crowds or large groups of people ,hence she hardly goes out. my best mate fears public places due to worrying that everyones looking at him due to his weight, like wise my brother due to his height. The latter pair also both struggle, or have struggle with relationships.

When im standing at the urinal, i cant help but notice men that cant go when in front of people, loads of people avoid work social activites. Youre probably just one of many

Maybe you need to figure out what causes your problem, what your fear is, and tackle it? If you cant do anything about it, try to accept it, but at least you can understand it. As i have said to all the people i have mentioned, other people have their own lives to worry about without giving a second thought to what youre doing

suki1001

There are many people who don't like social functions, my oh is one of them, it's just not for him. I would only be bothered if it is affecting your life and you want to enjoy these functions.

However if you want to not feel so anxious in social situations, then I suppose you could focus on what makes you so anxious. Is it making conversations? Is it how you look? Is it crowds of people?

I once had big anxiety being in rooms of people. It was terrifying, but I am naturally a social person who thrives around people, so it was a big problem for me. Some people enjoy quiet and their own company. It is just part of their personality and that's ok.

flowerscotland

I have anxiety too, I feel your pain.

I saw my doctor about it and she gave me some medication which has helped amazingly, and she offered me some counselling. Also she gave me a couple of websites to look at for cognitive behavioural therapy, I'm sure if you google then you could get the general idea. These things don't work straight away unfortunately they take time and practice.

Rescue remedy works well for me, you put 4 little drops on your tongue and it calms me down, when I have something to go to that I feel nervous about. It's a few pounds from the chemist.

My doctor also told me to try exercising a little to release the adrenaline, walking perhaps? This helps me when I'm really anxious.

I hope you can find something that works for you, it's just a case of trial and error til you find something that works for you, take baby steps. I know how much it can take over your life.

Desperado99

CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) is supposed to be very good for social anxiety. I've been reading CBT for Dummies recently (for general anxiety) and it seems to have some affect with me. And, being MSE I got it from my local library.

SailorSam

[EMAIL="socialanxietydisorder.guide@about.com"]about.com[/EMAIL] Arlin Cuncic Social Anxiety Disorder

http://www.social-anxiety-community.org

The first one you can sign up to receive regular newsletters and the second has a forum you could join to talk to others with the same problem.

Resources for Social Anxiety Disorder & Social Phobia - Causes, Symptoms, Treatment

GeeBee38

I don't think it's ridiculous either, i think you see your doctor and tell them exactly how you feel, he/she will put you in touch with people who can help you.
I have been having cognitive behavioural therapy and this is really helping me deal with many issues from my past,
So i am sure you will benefit from it also
Please seek help and things will get much better for you

I wish you well, take care and good luck

Gingham_R

distraction wrote: »

About me - 27 year old guy, a regular poster on these forums (different username)

The problem - Relationships (lack of, zero specifically)

The reason - Social anxiety (most likely)

The cause - Effects of growing up in an alcoholic family?
...
It just sounds a bit ridiculous, doesn't it?

Far from it.:beer:

I have had anxiety problems all my life, first diagnosed in my early teens. Depression too.

The underlying cause of mine was (mainly) undiagnosed ADHD.

You'll get lots of advice to help you with the anxiety and I don't want to speak out of turn here but it's worth looking into underlying causes. Alcoholism can be a way of 'self medicating' for special needs that can get out of hand. If there was something like that in your family it would be worth pursuing. (eg asperger's or ADHD)

No reason to assume this is anything to do with what you're describing. Just letting you know that's what was going on in my case and it has helped immensely to know.

Good luck.

distraction

Thanks for the replies -

Maybe you are right and I don't know the exact cause of the problem here.

Going back many years - after my mum had passed away - I ended up not having counselling and then needing lots of therapy when I was at Uni; I didn't make many friends and struggled socially for obvious reasons.

At that time, because I was depressed I ended up seeing a counsellor regularly. I finished Uni and was referred to a GP who put me on anti-depressants for a while, which basically fixed me up.

I'm worried about how much therapy can do for me now, and concerned I might end up being referred to a psychiatrist.

I guess a GP would be a good place to start, but i'm not sure how to approach the situation. Should I try to explain, or just ask for what I think I need?

Its gonna be a disaster though - they'll take my blood pressure and get 160/90 _pale_

Gingham_R

Yes, have a word with your GP. If he/she doesn't take you seriously, ask to speak to someone else. (Hard to stand up for yourself maybe? Do it in letter form if need be.)

Try to explain and take it from there.