social anxiety - what to do?

reheat

Bangton wrote: »

..it's not helpful to share my story with no advice..

But sharing your story will already have helped people. Read your post as if someone else had written it, and think about if it would have helped you .

Bangton

reheat wrote: »

But sharing your story will already have helped people. Read your post as if someone else had written it, and think about if it would have helped you .

Thank you for posting...that's really kind of you. It would've helped me to see other people felt the same and appreciate you pointing that out. I guess I usually share a story and then give an opinion on what I'd do...but in this case I don't know what I'd do because if I did I'd get over it!:D

marywooyeah

op you're not alone at all. I suffered something very awful six years ago and it made me feel nervous in public, I kept myself to myself and found it hard to look people in the eye - I often got comments like "cheer up love" which I found both insulting and ignorant cos if people knew what had happened to me they probably wouldn't be making such comments. I found that mine improvement as my life did, I found a stable accomodation and met a lovely man who I am now married to, and when I stopped feeling so depressed my anxieties were somewhat relieved. I was on antidepressants too but haven't taken them for quite some time now. I still have things like I don't like eating in public cos I think people will think "look at that fat girl eating" and I get nervous and feel on edge when people turn up/invite themselves over to my house - I don't think the anxiety ever fully heals but it can be managed. you've obviously reached a point where you want to change so I'd reccomend looking at one area of your life at a time and making steps to change it. are there any support groups in your area? x

mildred1978

flowerscotland wrote: »

Rescue remedy works well for me, you put 4 little drops on your tongue and it calms me down, when I have something to go to that I feel nervous about. It's a few pounds from the chemist.
.

It's predominantly brandy

Yorkie1

Lots of really good suggestions and support here - one thing I've learnt from my own anxiety condition is that you always think you're the unusual one. But as soon as you disclose something, it's really common for people to say that they have similar experiences or know someone else who does.

One trick I've developed in new social situations is to ask other people questions. Not Mastermind-style, but a small talk question e.g. about their hobbies or about a certain work practice (depending on the context) can often lead to what appears to be a conversation, but is actually the other person simply talking about themself. If the other person is as awkward as you, then you'll probably recognise the signs! Otherwise, they're having a great time and forget to put you on the spot. If they do ask you something about yourself, you simply find a way to turn it back onto them.

Good luck.

no1catman

mildred1978 wrote: »

It's predominantly brandy

I doubt it - I've found it helped me for interviews etc., a short time after having it, I can feel a smile appearing! But 'brandy' no - that gives me migraines - even brandy essence e.g. I wouldn't have mince pies with that flavouring!

Moreover, my partner who suffers from SD & ET (essential tremour), has found Bach Rescue Remedy a 'life-saver' stopping panic attacks.

distraction

Many thanks for the suggestions -

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Anyhow, you never answered whether there is something you like or are interested in. You've had plenty of advice about the medical side of it.

Actually, I don't really have any hobbies. I do play team sports with guys from work in our office gym. This is good for me, as i'm not really into the gym at all (its fun, and i'm really good at it!).

In my work i'm a specialist in software and computers. That work suits my loner personality I guess. It sounds boring, but i'm the go-to guy when the IT expert doesn't know how to fix the problem

carefullycautious wrote: »

You have posted very eloquently about your problems so you do have a voice and I bet you have a lot you could talk about on line.

Oh, if only I could be like this in real life! I spend a lot of time thinking about things. I'm a serial worrier, and I worry about everything. My mind is very good at solving problems, just not my own

Anyway, I will have a think about booking appointment with GP. I do feel silly, I'm going to find it hard to explain this I think. Still reckon I have had too much therapy in my life for it to be effective.

mildred1978

no1catman wrote: »

I doubt it - I've found it helped me for interviews etc., a short time after having it, I can feel a smile appearing! But 'brandy' no - that gives me migraines - even brandy essence e.g. I wouldn't have mince pies with that flavouring!

Moreover, my partner who suffers from SD & ET (essential tremour), has found Bach Rescue Remedy a 'life-saver' stopping panic attacks.

From the Bach site itself. It's 27% grape based brandy. Only the child version is alcohol free.

Www.bachflower.com/Rescue_Remedy.htm

carefullycautious

Do come back and let us know how you get on. Have been thinking about you.

blossomhill_2

OP - you seem to have lots of positives eg a best mate, good at sports/gym etc, it seems like a new way of looking at things is needed

As far as social situations go, yes ask people about themselves but keep some of the questions a bit open (ie vague)

Eg - "do you do any sports"
other person "yes ice hockey and golf"
You "where do you play them"
Other "err, [names two clubs]"
"Ummm"

Better to follow up with "which do you enjoy most" or "what led you to them" so the other person can give a more open reply that may open up the chat a bit more eg "well, I prefer hockey but need fresh air after working in IT all day so play golf for that" or "funny you should ask, it came about by chance when I was looking for a bar job and got one at the golf club"

If you think you are really socially inept watch "Monk" on TV and try to be the opposite of him!