Relationship Dilemma: Want thoughtful and Sincere Opinions

ArsenalFC

About 6 months ago I crossed path with a girl when I took my drunken friend home after a wedding we attended. She was at the house at the time when I took my friend home that night. I assumed she was either a friend of the family or was a relative. She is beautiful and I was attracted to her instantly, I said to myself 'I want to get to know her' if I ever see her again, I will talk to her. I didn't ask my friend who this girl was when we meet up again as I believe in fate a little. So I thought if I ever meet her again then I will meet her.

Recently this friend of mine got engaged and I attended the engagement party. At the reception I met her again, but I wasn't sure if that was her because I only caught a brief glimpse of her 6 months ago. We got talking and the both of us stated we looked familiar to each other but cannot pinpoint where we may have met, then she remembered and asked was it me who took that guy home drunk last time. At that moment I thought to myself 'great that was her I'd seen the last time', this is my opportunity to talk to her. So we got talking briefly and we both sense there was interest for one another. I got her number by asking her before she left the party. I found out she is my friend's cousin.

I have talked to her a few times on the phone since and we get on pretty well. I have asked her out to lunch recently and she agreed to come and asked if she can bring her friend, I was fine with that and can get a male friend of mine out too. A few hours before our meeting her friend cannot make it, so we decide to re-arrange for another time. I did want to ask her whether she would still like to go have lunch with me, but decided not to as I didn't want to put pressure. I am patient and also im confident we will meet soon.

Just a few days ago I found out something which is seriously bothering me, it can determine whether I will pursue this girl or not. I found out she is an ex girlfriend of someone I had known for 6 or 7 years and they were due to get marry last year but broken up at the 11th hour. I have this principle in which I'll never go out with my friends ex, I know her ex but we were never real friends. We never have each other's number and never arrange to do anything as friends do. We only know each other through mutual friends. We have a set of mutual friends, when our friends arrange something like going to their houses for party or dinner we usually cross path then and have a few conversations sometimes.

As we have many mutuals friends I feel quite bothered that they all know this girl was that guy's ex and will maybe have low opinions of me if this girl and I ever got dating and it will be awkward for me to face him and my friends. I really like this girl but dont want to be seen as knowingly dating her when I know her ex. I dont know what to do so Im asking for really honest opinion if you were in my shoes and even better if anyone has ever encountered similar situation to mine, how they had dealt with it. I want you to really take the time to imagine if you were really in my situation and give me thoughtful comments. Its a real dilemma for me which is keeping me up tonight to write this.


Thank you for reading.

seven-day-weekend

So long as the girl has totally finished with her ex and that it was nothing to do with you, I see no reason whatsoever why you shouldn't date her.

There is no need for you to feel awkward, but at the same time if you ever meet the friend, just keep a low profile and don't talk about the fact that you're dating her unless he mentions it; if he does just say something non-committal like, 'yes, we've been seeing each other since...'. There is no need for you to discuss the relationship with the girl with him at all.

So long as you are both single, no problem at all.

Smashing

Fair enough if it was a good friend, that might be a tad awkward, but someone you know as a friend-of-a-friend? You obviously like each other, so why pass up the chance of a friendship or realtionship because of some principle that doesn't really apply in this situation?

Ok, so you don't want to be all over each other in front of him, that might be rubbing it in a bit, but you two hardly know each other, so there's no point getting ahead of yourself worrying about the 'what ifs?'

You're young, free and single - have some fun!

hobo28

She obviously is very special to you even at this early stage. If you don't pursue it now I think its going to be something you will regret for the rest of your life. Relationships are hard enough without worrying about the "what if's".

Go for it!

Gabriel-Ernest

You seem to be spending a lot of time worrying about what other people think. She split up with your friend without any intervention from you, and it happened before you even met. Go ahead and date her.

Money_Maker_Shaker

I agree with Gabriel, don't over analyze this - life is too short and you've done nothing wrong. So go for it NOW and good luck to you.

Best wishes

MMS

winnie81

I will agree with everyone else.She split up way before meeting you and you were not involved in the split so I see no problems what so ever with you two seeing each other.

Go for it and date her or you will always have the what if's in the back of your mind and you never know this could be the girl for you!

Good Luck

Claire x

Gingham_Ribbon

You seem like a genuinely decent kind of person from reading your post, from looking after your drunken friend to being careful about getting involved and not stepping on people's toes etc.

I agree with a rule about not dating friends' exes, especially if it's been serious. It's messy and causes problems. However, friends of friends, people you know in passing, people you only see at parties etc are unlikely to be affected by you going out with their ex any more than a complete stranger.

If you really like her, you have to try. You really wouldn't be doing anything wrong.

Good luck!

Money_Maker_Shaker

Sorry for hijacking your thread OP but just wanted to say "hello and welcome back" Gingham Ribbon! Blimey you are back on here soon, I look forward to reading how it all went on the pregnancy thread soon.

Best wishes

MMS

annapantscats

"As we have many mutuals friends I feel quite bothered that they all know this girl was that guy's ex and will maybe have low opinions of me if this girl and I ever got dating and it will be awkward for me to face him and my friends"

Sweetheart, if these people have a low opinion of you simply for dating a friend-of-a-friends ex, then they were never true friends in the first place. You have explained your worries and concerns on this board, so how about explaining it all to the people in your life who really matter....i.e the mutual friends, and the girl herself? Get things out in the open a little. I have a feeling people will admire your honesty and your consideration for others feelings, rather than judging you or thinking less of you.
We all meet people via friends, family or workmates, so there is always going to be some kind of connection. But as you say, you had nothing to do with the girls previous relationship break up so you have nothing to hide/fear.

I was going out with a guy, it didnt work out, a friend of his later introduced me to a mutual friend of theirs, me and the guy clicked, we have been together ever since and moved in together last year. There was a little bit of an atmosphere when we all met up recently, but we were all aware that the past is the past, things change and people move on. Everything is fine now, no problems at all, we all get along well and wish the best for each other.

I wish you loads of luck hun. Go for it....after all, who are you to argue with fate?

Noctu

Most of the time, someone will always be someone's ex. If you met via mutual friends, then there's always a good chance that you'll know their ex...

I agree with everyone else. Give it a go. Good luck!