So very angry right now!!

fluffnutter

davidhwdn wrote: »

If a teacher had to take into account every kids personal situation and history they would teach nothing.

Absolutely agree. But I'd go even further: I think the school issue is neither here nor there. If it's not a teacher reminding her, it will be a TV programme, or a conversation overheard on the bus, or a chance remark from a friend.

The daughter needs to be helped to understand that mentions of diabetes, or illness or death are part of life and she shouldn't avoid them. That way phobias start.

BugglyB

I have to say I feel this is a little bit more than being 'reminded of something sad'. Watching someone die from a massive heart attack would be a traumatic event for an adult, let alone a ten year old girl on her own, with her dad.

It wasn't as though the lesson was about people dying in general and the daughters dad had simply passed away. It was a lesson explaining in detail the way the girl had seen her dad die, when she was alone with him, and then in the OP's words, a free for all comment flinging session. Perhaps if it had been dealt with more sensitively - asking if anyone had a family member that had had a heart attack, or diabetes? Not allowing other students to pass comment?

I wonder if posters would have the same thoughts if the lesson was about suicide, for example, and the girl had seen her father hanging from a rope or jumping in front of a train.

BugglyB

fluffnutter wrote: »

No one can fail to see that this experience has been very upsetting for your daughter, OP. But, from a psychological perspective, we must try not to avoid situations that *might* upset us. It's important that we become robust enough so that we can cope with reminders of unhappy past events. If we don't learn to do this, there's the very real danger that we become fearful and phobic of mere memories. This can be dangerously life-limiting.

Your daughter will be reminded of her dad's sad passing. Illness and death are everywhere. Far better than she learns to cope with these sad reminders rather than run from them. She needs to realise that discussing diabetes is NOT the same as losing her father and that she can cope. Each time she's reminded of something sad, she needs to realise that it's just a discussion, or an unconnected event and that she's strong enough to cope. This will be an invaluable technique in helping her come to terms with her grief as she gets older. As her parent, you can help her with this, rather than focusing on what the school should or shouldn't have done.

If she'd freaked out at the mention of a diabetes pill, or a storyline about a heart attack on tv, I would agree with you. But I do think that what the child has been through they should not have been sitting through that lesson. Its not like when you're an adult and you can choose to remove yourself from the situation if you are upset.

sassyblue

Gingham_R wrote: »

It's easy to take a child out of a lesson without it raising an eyebrow from the rest of the class. The teachers 'need someone to do a job' or they need her to 'catch up on a test' or 'there's a year 7 who needs someone to help her with her reading...'

A bit of imagination costs neither time nor money.

14 year olds aren't daft, they'd know why she'd been taken out. It has nothing to do with a teachers imagination either, the best response is not to shield the OP's daughter but to make sure she has the support behind her when she deals with difficult situaitions.

OP, is your daughter terribly shy? I just wonder why she didn't walk out of the lesson or ask to have a qiuet word with the teacher.

jess1974

davidhwdn wrote: »

If a teacher had to take into account every kids personal situation and history they would teach nothing.

At last some common sense written here.....

zaksmum

When my kids were little the school had them make Mother's Day cards one year. All hell broke loose because one of the dads stormed into school and said he'd split with the child's mum when she ran off with another man, leaving the child in the father's care, so he objected strongly to the child being "forced" to make her a card.

Schools can't be expected to know every detail of every pupil's circumstances, surely?

zaffi

BugglyB wrote: »

I have to say I feel this is a little bit more than being 'reminded of something sad'. Watching someone die from a massive heart attack would be a traumatic event for an adult, let alone a ten year old girl on her own, with her dad.

It wasn't as though the lesson was about people dying in general and the daughters dad had simply passed away. It was a lesson explaining in detail the way the girl had seen her dad die, when she was alone with him, and then in the OP's words, a free for all comment flinging session. Perhaps if it had been dealt with more sensitively - asking if anyone had a family member that had had a heart attack, or diabetes? Not allowing other students to pass comment?

I wonder if posters would have the same thoughts if the lesson was about suicide, for example, and the girl had seen her father hanging from a rope or jumping in front of a train.

from the way your post is written, it seems you don't want young people to have healthy debate or to think for themselves and give their opinions on subjects. because god forbid it might, and i hate this word, "offend" someone

as for the teacher asking if someone had a family member with diabetes or had a heart attack
I couldn't think of anything worse, girl puts up her hand, teacher "and what's your experience of heart disease and diabetes?" as all eyes in the room focus on her. are you serious? it would be a thousand times worse.

BugglyB

zaffi wrote: »

from the way your post is written, it seems you don't want young people to have healthy debate or to think for themselves and give their opinions on subjects. because god forbid it might, and i hate this word, "offend" someone

as for the teacher asking if someone had a family member with diabetes or had a heart attack
I couldn't think of anything worse, girl puts up her hand, teacher "and what's your experience of heart disease and diabetes?" as all eyes in the room focus on her. are you serious? it would be a thousand times worse.

Wow I'm suprised you managed to read so much about my views from my post!

Theres a difference between healthy debate and a 'free for all comment flinging session' isn't there. Perhaps the class could have been handled differently, so the outcome would have been different. Perhaps.

I dont think anyone mentioned the girl being offended. This isn't a political correctness issue, its one of empathy with a traumatised child and her mother.

I suppose we all see things differently.

fluffnutter

BugglyB wrote: »

If she'd freaked out at the mention of a diabetes pill, or a storyline about a heart attack on tv, I would agree with you. But I do think that what the child has been through they should not have been sitting through that lesson. Its not like when you're an adult and you can choose to remove yourself from the situation if you are upset.

It's not the situation that's upsetting her; it's the memories that situation evokes. The situation, i.e. a discussion about diabetes, has no power to hurt her, and she must learn that. Her teenage years are a great time to start putting into practice techniques that will see her through her adult life.

If she starts hiding from things that evoke painful memories, where does it end? First it's a discussion, then it's a TV programme or an article in a magazine, then it's a chance comment overheard on the bus. Before she knows it, her horizons are narrowed and she'll find herself avoiding perfectly innocuous situations on the off-chance that diabetes will be mentioned.

This is how anxieties and phobias grow. My whole point is that you should NEVER remove yourself from this kind of upsetting situation; you should see it for what it is, i.e. powerless to hurt you, and gain strength from your ability to cope. It's painful at the time, but each time it gets a little easier until these situations are no longer automatically linked to painful memories.

fluffnutter

BugglyB wrote: »

Wow I'm suprised you managed to read so much about my views from my post!

Theres a difference between healthy debate and a 'free for all comment flinging session' isn't there. Perhaps the class could have been handled differently, so the outcome would have been different. Perhaps.

I dont think anyone mentioned the girl being offended. This isn't a political correctness issue, its one of empathy with a traumatised child and her mother.

I suppose we all see things differently.

I don't think it's helpful to define anyone as 'traumatised'. Many, many people lose loved ones in horrific circumstances, and at a young age. I have every sympathy for what happened, but labelling people (or indeed allowing yourself to be labelled) stalls your recovery and limits your life.

I think it's far healthier to say 'yes, something traumatic happened to me, but now, four years on, I'm going to try not to let that be the ONLY thing about me'. You say she's a 'traumatised child'. Will she be a traumatised adult? A traumatised pensioner? At what point does it end and she just becomes a normal girl, albeit one who lost her dad at a young age? I know which one I'd rather my daughter was.