So very angry right now!!

Big_Alf

joeblack066 wrote: »

Thats another thing I don't understand tbh.

Have you actually looked at the curriculum your daughter is studying? If so why did you not highlight the potential problems with learning about diabetes?

If not then I really dont understand how you can get so angry. Surely with your daughter being in such an psychological fragile state you have to shoulder some of the blame for not researching potential issues that may arise?

If you are expecting the school to take such a pro-active approach to her problems then you really need to be working with them rather than against them.

She is also suffering physical 'criminal' abuse at school? How long has this been going on for? Have you spoken to the school? What is their view on this? Were the police informed?

What kind of relationship do you have with the head/year head/form tutor?

C_Mababejive

tea_lover wrote: »

Worse than seeing her own dad die when she was just a little girl?? I sincerely hope not.

Time is a great healer. When i was a young boy i listened to my mothers cries of pain in the middle of the night as she was slowly dying of cancer. It went on for weeks. Now its a memory but no longer painful.

Oldernotwiser

Gingham_R wrote: »

I'm so sorry to hear about this terrible loss and that you feel her school haven't supported her through it.

I'm a saddened to read a few of the previous posts that seem to be so flippant over what is clearly devastating for you and for her.

I suspect that this incident is one in a series of events where your daughter's needs haven't been met, whether through negligence or lack of knowledge or understanding of her situation.

I recommend arranging a meeting with the head of year or the head, to explain what you feel the issues have been, in the hope of building a better situation for your daughter within school. Clearly, the timetable and syllabus are how they are, but there are ways to prevent this kind of situation.

For example, as head of PSE, I would have to deal with topics such as death, miscarriage and so on and it helped to have a quick look at the key info on each child - present on class lists - that flagged up any issues.

Therefore, I knew before I started teaching children if there had been a loss in the family or if they were in care etc. I would often ask children to wait behind for a minute at the end of lessons, often to praise them, so it wasn't seen as an issue if I asked children to wait behind to let them know that a subject was coming up to prepare them and let them know they could be excused if appropriate. This was obviously particularly necessary for children who had been abused, when we were dealing with this topic, and I'd ensure that the children had jobs to do elsewhere if that's what was required. (This information was never on class lists.)

I don't think it's acceptable to let children pass from year to year without important information following them and actually taken notice of by their teachers. The death of a parent is very high up the list of priorities for concern, as is illness in a child and I had a very upsetting moment when I realised a child that had been absent from a lot of my lessons had cancer and no-one had told me. In a school with a high truancy rate, I had not taken this possibility into account.

It can be handled MUCH more sensitively than your poor daughter has experienced and I hope that your comments to the school will help change thiings for the future.

I haven't read any flippant replies.

Newly_retired

Of course your daughter will still be hurting from the loss of her father in such tragic circumstances, but school cannot eradicate this, nor can they, or you, protect her from any references to death, or diabetes, or heart attacks. Harsh as it may sound, she has to deal with these, whether in school, or in the media, or referred to by other people.
I agree with those who have said that it is unrealistic to expect all the teachers of a secondary school to know every tragedy that has affected each of its pupils, especially if it occurred at primary school.
The subject came up within the curriculum, so presumably was to be expected, and was being taught for all the appropriate reasons.
Any bullying is another issue and you should certianly inform the school, maybe through the Head of Year of Head of Pastoral care, and try to work with them so that your daughter is supported. I think this would be better than taking her out of school long term.
The suggestion that the teacher should check ( by asking the children to put their hands up?!!) if anyone would be affected by the topic of the lesson is totally inappropriate. How embarassing. I recall my stepdaughter being upset when the form teacher asked who needed two lots of envelopes for something to be sent home ( ie to both parents). The teacher was reprimanded, but equally, the stepdaughter did not need to feel singled out, as so many people are bound to be affected by whatever issue the class is being conronted with.
We all have to learn how to cope with the difficulties of life. A parent's task is to help the child to become an independent individual, mature enough to cope with whatever life throws at them.

Apologies for saying this, and I do not underestimate the grief of your bereavement, but I am guessing that the two of you are not really managing to cope and to move on. Not to forget, but to cope.
I do think that home schooling would mean you two are cloistered together in your grief instead of continuing in the outside world with all the opportunities for enrichment it has to offer.

sassyblue

joeblack066 wrote: »

Well she was receiving this till it just tailed off, and even a letter from her GP has failed to get any further help.

You need to be going back and making yourself a pain in the rear end until your daughter gets the help she needs to come to terms with her loss.

I don't think you should be blaming the school TBH, if the school took her out of the lesson the other children might treat her differently, whisper about it, tread on eggshells around her or even God forbid make jokes about it, she has to face these things with all the support she needs in the background.

Gingham_R

sassyblue wrote: »

You need to be going back and making yourself a pain in the rear end until your daughter gets the help she needs to come to terms with her loss.

I don't think you should be blaming the school TBH, if the school took her out of the lesson the other children might treat her differently, whisper about it, tread on eggshells around her or even God forbid make jokes about it, she has to face these things with all the support she needs in the background.

It's easy to take a child out of a lesson without it raising an eyebrow from the rest of the class. The teachers 'need someone to do a job' or they need her to 'catch up on a test' or 'there's a year 7 who needs someone to help her with her reading...'

A bit of imagination costs neither time nor money.

ETanny

4yrs when your young isnt really a long time in the grand scheme of things. Espeically to loose someone like your dad, let alone loose your dad and watching them die. That is going to take a long time to come to terms with.
Im sorry the school wasnt a bit more sensitive towards the subject and I honestly dont blame you for being angry.
Maybe go into the school and express your concernes. From this to the bullying. If things are so bad; go above the head teacher to the governers.
I hope you can sort things out and your daughter trys to get a positive perspective from the lesson as Im sure it wasnt taught just to bring back painful memories of her loosing her dad.

mancitychick

I don't have any advice, but I was alone with my Dad when he died of cancer and I struggle to cope and I was 33. Cannot imagine trying to deal with that at 10. My heart gets out to her.

fluffnutter

No one can fail to see that this experience has been very upsetting for your daughter, OP. But, from a psychological perspective, we must try not to avoid situations that *might* upset us. It's important that we become robust enough so that we can cope with reminders of unhappy past events. If we don't learn to do this, there's the very real danger that we become fearful and phobic of mere memories. This can be dangerously life-limiting.

Your daughter will be reminded of her dad's sad passing. Illness and death are everywhere. Far better than she learns to cope with these sad reminders rather than run from them. She needs to realise that discussing diabetes is NOT the same as losing her father and that she can cope. Each time she's reminded of something sad, she needs to realise that it's just a discussion, or an unconnected event and that she's strong enough to cope. This will be an invaluable technique in helping her come to terms with her grief as she gets older. As her parent, you can help her with this, rather than focusing on what the school should or shouldn't have done.

ankspon

If a teacher had to take into account every kids personal situation and history they would teach nothing.