Husbands Ex making him look bad to the kids

flutterby_lil

duchy wrote: »

When you're a parent it isn't about what an adult is entitled to -it's about what is best for your children (I assume you don't have any of your own or you'd know)

Yes I do - even when it was my own 30th I would have wanted a night out without my child being there. Sometimes, what is best for children is having a break from parents, staying with grandparents, friends, relatives so they are not always with mum/dad, step mum/stepdad!

flutterby_lil

arbroath_lass wrote: »

I can't imagine why he'd WANT a party WITHOUT his children.

Why not? Ok, let the children go to the pub/stay at home with him, see everyone having a drink and a good time, just so they are with him that night. Let them have a drink too, few shots here and there, so they are not excluded from that either.

Do you never do anything without your children, if you have them?!

flutterby_lil

cord123 wrote: »

I didnt come on here to explain why we wanted a childfree party!

Nothing wrong with a childfree party - i'm so looking forward to a night out, with no children too......sorry to those who think my children should come!!

fawd1

arbroath_lass wrote: »

I can't imagine why he'd WANT a party WITHOUT his children.

I don't think I'd want to come to one of your parties.

pinkclouds

arbroath_lass wrote: »

Can't answer your question but I must admit I feel for the kids. Mum doesn't want them on holiday and Dad doesn't want them at his birthday party.

^Agree with this. My parents took us everywhere when we were kids - on vacations, to parties, etc. My dad would have sooner felt like cutting off his right arm than leaving us behind but if he had to then he would have jolly well sorted out childcare in advance. I hope *someone* will be sorting out childcare for the kids while the parents are otherwise occupied. If not, then there must be a severe comms failing between both parents and they need to sort it out asap. How about a shared Google Calendar and both of them marking their hols/events on it so no one can say they didn't know in advance? Free and easy to set up - worth a shot? And, yes, sympathy to the OP. Pity she can't tell both parents to grow up - she's supposed to be a step-mom of two, not four...

FBaby

I am a pwc, totally dedicated to my children. They are the centre of my world and I have always been their main caretaker, but.... I've been on holiday without them on a few occasions and will continue to do so (and also go on holidays with them), and I left them with their dad the night I celebrated my 40th birthday... Although to be fair, the party was the day after, I did celebrate the actual day of my birthday with them.

I don't understand why OP is getting on her high horse at this stage. From what is known so far, she and OH have made it clear they were not having the kids on a certain week, pwc is saying that she is not going on holiday. Fine, that's how it is. OP can start worrying/getting angry etc... if/when the pwc comes to them to say that they need to change their plans. Until then, it isn't their problem, they haven't been asked anything. No point in worrying what might be said/done...

princeofpounds

Can't understand why people are getting so wound up. It's totally reasonable to have a celebration without children on occasion. It's totally reasonable to go on a holiday without children on occasion.

As long as the children are properly cared for. Where the unreasonableness comes in is being deceptive about the arrangements that need to be put in place to care for the children. Now of course we have only one side of the story, but given that it does sound quite clear where the unreasonableness is coming from.

sukysue

Why can't he celebrate his birthday the week before or the week after. I mean it's not as if he is a child who has to have his birthday actually on the day is it? I think you need to work with hubbs to arrange alternate birthday plans, after all they are his kids and he must love them to bits,as you do I'm sure, if you keep up this stance then you are both going to look bad to the kids . Not fair, not your fault but that is how it is going to look to his darling kids. Time for you and him to be very magnaminous and have the kids. Good luck I know it seems unfair but it's just that way sometimes, unfortunately .Do the right thing by these kids and you may feel much better about the whole situation.Come on you can do it for hubbs ,be the best birthday present for this to be sorted out for him I bet.

Person_one

duchy wrote: »

(I assume you don't have any of your own or you'd know)

Ridiculous statement. The vast majority of non-parents understand that children have to be a priority, while plenty of parents don't give two hoots about their kid's wellbeing.

cord123

UPDATE
So my OH asked his ex when she came to get the kids. He just said really casually, did you get a chance to ask xxxxxx why she thought yopu were on holiday. then xxxx said mum do you remember you said on my birthday that you and xxxx were going on holiday and we were coming to daddys for our little holiday. She was obviously stuttering and then said, oh yeah, i remember. I kept meaning to say to daddy about it. so my OH said Oh so you now know that we did say here (showed her and his daughters the email with dates for his bday weekend and her agreeing that she would have the kids that saturday night, we still have them the friday) so she said oh yeah, so the daughter said silly mummy, you need a book to write dates in. we would have come here and been on our own while daddy andxxxxx were at work.

So her mum is having them and luckily this weekend my OH spoke to the kids and they said that they know that mummy can be silly and not write stuff down. he did say, no mummy isnt silly she just forgets but as long as you know if we could have you the week we would but we cant book the week off. Then we surpsied them with a holiday in August!! (he managed to get the week of our 2 years olds birthday off as it falls between two different ops so theys said it works out well!!)

May sound realy petty and stupid but I dont care!! 2 fingers up to the ex!!!!!

We are so careful to not bad mouth the ex, my mum never bad mouthed my dad and he was horrific to her. I just hope they realise as they are older what she is like.

And as for all these people going on about a 'child free party!' what about the ex having 'child free' weekends every weekend!? and child free holidays! We took the kids on honeymoon and his ex called us mugs for doing it!

Even parents are allowed a night off every now and again!