Husbands Ex making him look bad to the kids

daska

I would suggest that the next time the subject is raised he responds along the lines of "you know, I could have sworn we already talked about this and I was really sad I wasn't allowed to take the time of work so you could stay here, I wonder if I've misunderstood something, now, when did your mum ask about dates, I think it was about xxx weeks/months ago, let's check the e-mails shall we". That way he's not actively bad mouthing her - no criticism, just an acknowledgement that there are differing expectations and obvious confusion, he makes it clear it has been discussed, he makes it clear how long ago and then the e-mails make it clear exactly what was (not) agreed.

cord123

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

I would keep well out of it. It's between the ex and your OH.

As for why she is doing it - maybe she's !!!!ed off that your OH can't take annual leave so won't be able to have the kids Easter, half-term, summer.

Due to my husbands job I have them most of the time when they are with us, and I am the one the sorts it out with her most of the time.

He doesnt usually take time off during the holidays, neither does she, only summer which he told her about almost a year in advance so I cant see the issue there..

cord123

daska wrote: »

I would suggest that the next time the subject is raised he responds along the lines of "you know, I could have sworn we already talked about this and I was really sad I wasn't allowed to take the time of work so you could stay here, I wonder if I've misunderstood something, now, when did your mum ask about dates, I think it was about xxx weeks/months ago, let's check the e-mails shall we". That way he's not actively bad mouthing her - no criticism, just an acknowledgement that there are differing expectations and obvious confusion, he makes it clear it has been discussed, he makes it clear how long ago and then the e-mails make it clear exactly what was (not) agreed.

Thanks thats a really useful repsonse.


The eldest one 8, is very clude up on how disorganised her mum is but she will defend her to the end 9as any child would I am sure)
She knows that we have never been told and I think she accepts this. Apparently this has been booked since January cause thats when she said her mum told her (on her birthday no less!)

I think your suggested approach will be the way forward.

Never simple is it!? xxx

arbroath_lass

cord123 wrote: »

I think that is a very judgemental statement. We dont want children at his party because a) I dont like people drining around children and b) it is at home so they wouldnt be able to sleep.

We took them on our honeymoon so I think we are always thinking of them first!

It's only what you said. At thirty I'd say his kids should come first over drinking. Just my opinion,

daska

cord123 wrote: »

Thanks thats a really useful repsonse.


The eldest one 8, is very clude up on how disorganised her mum is but she will defend her to the end 9as any child would I am sure)
She knows that we have never been told and I think she accepts this. Apparently this has been booked since January cause thats when she said her mum told her (on her birthday no less!)

I think your suggested approach will be the way forward.

Never simple is it!? xxx

No probs, I have several t-shirts in my wardrobe :rotfl:

ginger_tony

Maybe the mother didnt want you to know about her holiday and had arranged other childcare and was embarassed to say in case your ex had objections as it seems she hasnt went crazy and said thats your weekend for the kids , 30th birthday or not. She probably booked the holiday that week because the kids were off school too and it would be easier for someone other than your husband taking care of them (no school runs etc).
Cant you move your celebrations to the week before the birthday(When you said you could have them), I know this will be an inconvienence but it would keep the peace and the kids will get to spend their dad's special day with you both and if the mother is stirring up trouble then she would look very stupid. Good luck and remember she is their mother and will alienate the children if you put her in an unfavourable light.

flutterby_lil

arbroath_lass wrote: »

It's only what you said. At thirty I'd say his kids should come first over drinking. Just my opinion,

I think he is entitled to a party with adults, no children, for his 30th don't you?!

duchy

flutterby_lil wrote: »

I think he is entitled to a party with adults, no children, for his 30th don't you?!

Not really -not if it's at the expense of his kids -when you could change the date of his party . He's an adult-he's not going to sit and cry if he celebrates on a different day-right ? It's a very immature 30 year old who would insist he HAD to get !!!!ed with his mates on his birthday if it was going to negatively impact on his own children.

When you're a parent it isn't about what an adult is entitled to -it's about what is best for your children (I assume you don't have any of your own or you'd know)

arbroath_lass

flutterby_lil wrote: »

I think he is entitled to a party with adults, no children, for his 30th don't you?!

I can't imagine why he'd WANT a party WITHOUT his children.

heretolearn_2

He isn't hurting the kids by not having them there. Anyone would think parents are no longer allowed to have an adult party? There's nothing wrong with it.

The mum is the one hurting the kids by booking a holiday without arranging childcare. Now that is irresponsible.