Husbands Ex making him look bad to the kids

cord123

Just wondered if anyone can help, prob cant but I need to scream!

You may have seen other posts where we have problems with my husbands ex, hehas two daughters with her 6 & 8.

I took the elder one shopping yesterday while the youngest one was in hospital havign grommits fitted.

She told me that her mum and her boyfirend are going on holiday together and that her and her sister are coming to stay with us for a little holiday. This is the first I had heard of it. When I dropped her home (her big sister (from prev relationship) was in) She showed me on the calender. Now, to be clear, i would never ever snoop on someones calender but she did shwo me. The ex plans to go the last week of the easter hols, which incidently is my husbands 30th birtdhay. We had already said to her that we were planning to have a party with no kids so could we not have them that weekend and have them the whole weekend the week before. She said this was fine.

So on the calender she has written when she is off (that week and the following week) and that kids at dads. for the entire week she is away.

Now a) she ahs already agreed that we dont have them that week
and b) we cant have them that week because my husband cant take annual leave then and neither can I!

So my husband said to his ex yesterday evenign after i had spoken to him and she said no, she had no holiday booked. He said can you ask his eldest daughter what she is talking baout and she said that they were all tired. He then rung back later to remind her that the girls needed to take their money in for school trips that he had given her that day, he then spoke to his eldest one and she said yeah we are coming to you are you going to let us down?

I just think this is an absolute joke!! She knows that my husband cant have leave from April - sept becasue of the olympics. She is still denying this holiday is happening as well....

What can we say to the kids. We dont ever bad mouth their mum to them but why should my husband look like he is letting them down when he cant physically have them!! xx

WhiteHorse

It certainly looks as if the ex is doing this deliberately. Neat bit of manoeuvring to make it seem as if the father was 'letting them down'.

If it's impossible to have them, then that's that. They will have to be told that. Then it's a question of how you deal with the fallout.

Think laterally. Ask the children why they think that their mother doesn't want them on her so-wonderful holiday.

Mojisola

I don't know how to deal with it when a parent is determined to make the other look bad.

All I can say is to put everything in writing so that there can't be any "he said, she said" later on. If he can't take time off during the Olympics, put that in writing. Also the request for the change to do with the party.

I would also keep a diary of these problems. If the children are alienated, it would be good for them to see it in the future when they become adult enough to realise that their mother has been manipulating the situation.

Scrapaholic

Would she do that just to make the dad look bad ? If you really can't have the children, how will she go on holiday ? Does she think that at the last minute you'll be able to change your plans / work schedule ? Is it possible she has someone else to look after them for the holiday ? Very puzzling !

arbroath_lass

Can't answer your question but I must admit I feel for the kids. Mum doesn't want them on holiday and Dad doesn't want them at his birthday party.

thunderbird

Why not speak to the ex in front of the kids and ask her - 'are you going away on x date as the kids are under the impression that you are and that they are coming to stay with us. But we can't get time off work then, so won't be able to look after them'.

Then everyone will know exactly what is going on.

Sambucus_Nigra

I'd keep out of it personally. Let him deal with it.

balletshoes

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't know how to deal with it when a parent is determined to make the other look bad.

All I can say is to put everything in writing so that there can't be any "he said, she said" later on. If he can't take time off during the Olympics, put that in writing. Also the request for the change to do with the party.

I would also keep a diary of these problems. If the children are alienated, it would be good for them to see it in the future when they become adult enough to realise that their mother has been manipulating the situation.

yes, do this. If she's still denying to your OH that she is going on holiday and that she's expecting your OH to have his kids then, then she's the one who will have to sort out alternative arrangements for them. If you can't take the time off, you can't take the time off, and if you've already given her plenty of notice that this is the case, its up to her to sort it out.

You can't stop her badmouthing your OH I'm afraid, he is just going to have to rise above it, and the girls are both old enough to be told that the reason they can't be with you over the Easter holidays is because Dad and Mum had made the arrangements a long time ago, had agreed which school holidays the girls were going to be with each parent, and Dad can't take any extra time off work.

cord123

arbroath_lass wrote: »

Can't answer your question but I must admit I feel for the kids. Mum doesn't want them on holiday and Dad doesn't want them at his birthday party.

I think that is a very judgemental statement. We dont want children at his party because a) I dont like people drining around children and b) it is at home so they wouldnt be able to sleep.

We took them on our honeymoon so I think we are always thinking of them first!

cord123

We have everything over email re not having them for his 30th, thats what we cant understand.
Her mum will have them if we cant but I just cant understand what she is playing at.

My Oh warned her last year the time off would be hard, usually they will each take a week in the summer holidays to cover childcare, so she would be aware and said that he would pay extra to cover that week of childcare if need be. She said that was fine her mum would have them for a week.

Its just really odd that she has told thie kids this. My husband is going to bring it up again in front of the kids, not starting an arguement, just a sort of, Oh did you ask xxxxx why she thought you were going on holiday and they were coming to us for that week.... then the girls know that we didnt know anythign about it.

We would love to have them but I cant take the week off as it has already been booked by a colleague and my OH as I said, cant book it off. Its so annoying because I have booked the bank hol week off in June so if she had said we could have had them then.

She told my husbands daughter that they arent going because a 'mum is entitled to time off as well'! Hilarious!

thegirlintheattic

I would keep well out of it. It's between the ex and your OH.

As for why she is doing it - maybe she's !!!!ed off that your OH can't take annual leave so won't be able to have the kids Easter, half-term, summer.