Is it normal to feel like this after a bereavement.

Hanging_by_a_thread

If you would rather not answer this I will completely understand OP. However one thing that has crossed my mind is did your lovely mum die young? Is part of your need to follow this path at the moment because you are thinking life is to short to not have a few risks and just go for it.

As I am sure you are well aware that would not be wise or logical thought. When people are in the midst of raw grief though it is a thought pattern many have.

WhiteHorse

Bitofalostlamb:

Life has recently taken a turn for the worse. Flirting with this guy is giving you a buzz and a bit of a lift. But that's all it is - albeit a very, very dangerous one.

You have to tough it out and let things settle - which they will.

BitterAndTwisted

Put this need for distraction in the box that's labelled "Don't go there. It's not the right answer."

BitterAndTwisted

Lovely Mum who died before her time whose actions and behaviour were so very disapproved of and exasperating. Whose behaviour is just about to be repeated, most unwisely. At least your Mum was presumably single and not hurting anyone but possibly herself. Not with a supportive husband who probably loves the essence of her soul. Stop and think. Think very, very hard.

victory

Your pain for your loss is understandable, it eats you up, it so hurts, you describe your husband in glowing terms , he would not be around once he finds out you have been communicating with another man while he thought he was being loving, helpful, supportive to you in your grief, you will probalby loose him, your stable house/home your slef respect, you are grieving so bad, putting a bomb in the middle of what you describe as a very happy home will destroy you, your OH and that beautiful daughter of yours.

Go to bereavement counselling, get professional help but please step away from the computer, stop all contact and let the grief take its natural course with your loving family around you.

The OH you describe as the most wonderful, kindest man will not be that if you decieve him

There_Goes_Trouble

bitofalostlamb wrote: »

.... but i feel so numb that its like im untouchable on an emotional level to a degree.x

Oh bless you, but the numbness will pass, and when it does, anything you do now with this guy will hurt like hell and you'll spend the rest of your life wishing it hadn't happened. Don't take such a massive step into an affair while you're so emotionally vulnerable and probably not reacting as you normally would.

barbiedoll

Don't kid yourself that any affair with the ex will kept secret, even if he doesn't tell anyone, you will end up letting slip sooner or later. You may never say the actual words to your husband but your behaviour around him will change, you won't want to be intimate with him any longer, you will find yourself dropping your lover's name into conversations and eventually you will get caught.....if not by your husband, by someone else who spots you or by one of your kids who will see your phone messages or emails.

You're clearly grieving for your mum, as she died unexpectedly, the shock will be much greater than if she had been ill for a long time. It's perfectly normal to feel reckless, dissatisfied, emotionally distanced and more, grief does terrible things to people. You should speak to a bereavement counsellor, you may find it helps enormously, just to be able to speak to someone who won't judge you. Give the ex the elbow, he's an ex for a reason and you have a husband and a family now, you really do have too much to lose. Don't feel that your mum had a better life than you, women who sleep around are usually just looking for love and affection, you don't need to search for that, you have it all at home.

I hope that you can eventually find some peace and that you come to terms with your loss.

reheat

Bereavement hits people hard, in all sort of ways. It makes you very vulnerable, and very difficult to see the woods for the trees. You do not need to be disgusted with yourself. But IMHO you do need to nip things in the bud, 100% now. Otherwise you may have much more to regret.

geoffky

STOP IT! Before innocent people get hurt..

And the guy who would never tell anyone ,might leave you a calling card that crashes the world around you..

NAR

OP if you are leading this guy on flirting your marriage isn't as strong as you are pretending it is.
Your choice where you go from here.