Is it normal to feel like this after a bereavement.

property.advert

Focus on your life and stop messing your husband around. You knew from your teenage years that your parents would die so whilst it may have been sudden it cannot be too much of a shock.

Stop this nonsense, delete your facebook account and if you need to, just imagine what it would be like to lose your husband as well if he finds out you are contemplating cheating on him with an old flame.

lulu650

Sorry to hear about your loss, although I don't think you're dirty and disgusting because you're flirting with an old flame. As a previous poster said, bereavement can affect us all in different ways. I think you can be both angry and sad when someone close to you dies and anything that can take you away from that is difficult to give up.

Why did you think your mum was disgusting for meeting men on the internet? Was she too old to be having fun? Should she have been helping you more with babysitting? Or were you secretly envious?

It's easy enough to stop keeping in contact with this man but you've said yourself you feel irritated with being married and want to live life to the full. He's already indicated he wants some no strings fun. So you meet him and go to bed with him. How would you feel if he says thanks but I don't want to get involved with a married woman? Would you be ok with that?

danemi1

Something as strong as the hurt that you are feeling - so painful - so lost - it is hard to explain to anyone just how devastated you are - well its massive isnt it - it feels unsurmountable - where can you hide - what can you do so that you dont have to feel this way - a distraction comes along - just presents itself at the right time (Or so it feels) maybe that is your way around feeling such pain but in truth - cold hard truth - there is absolutely no way around this awful awful time - no way around it but to go through it - live through it and you can do this....or you can take the route of hiding away from facing up to it by taking what you think is the easier option - having a daliiance with an ex and maybe because its with an ex - it is kinda like coming home - its a aprt of your past that didnt involve the pain of the current time.......you are not in your normal frame of mind - if you were - if you could step back and think you would see there is no way around - but to live through it and then start to rebuild your life ....the other option would probably lose you everything else you hold dear...it may not seem that way but can you imagine being totally on your own - having very little self respect - having custody battles over your daughter - where would you live - how would you manage.

It is so tempting to try and lose yourself in a heady romance but in the cold reality of day - it sounds as if you are on a path to self destruction. In a completely different time - if you had the two men in front of you - which would you choose - surely it cant be this other one as there must have been a reason for him being an EX!!!!

I never thought I would stop crying when I lost my Dad - how could the world carry on when I was in such terrible pain - did they not know someone so wonderful had died - how could life just carry on.....dont quite know when the pain started to subside it was a gentle process but more often than not now I can look at Dads photo and smile and think I love you and I am so grateful that we had the time we did! Other days I can still bawl my eyes out.

I wish you comfort and strength. Give your daughter a cuddle and hubby too and think how lucky you are - to have your family around you - one that loves you. Don't destroy it - give yourself time to grieve xxxx

Emmzi

I am sorry for your loss.

However.

You are not a "lost lamb." You are a grown woman with full control over your own actions.

Delete this guy from FB, email, phone, everywhere he is; or have the decency to leave your husband, or ask for an open marriage.

Time to stop playing games and grow up.

CH27

I'm sorry for your loss. Losing a parent takes a lot of getting used to.

You are being very silly messing with this man on FB. Delete him & forget about him.
Concentrate on your husband & child.

stayingupright

I totally agree that it is a distraction... more than just a distraction though, the excitement you feel is intense, and overwhelming, much the same as grief itself, but it feels *so* much better than grief, who wouldn't want to escape the utter exhaustion that grief is? To land on an exciting beach, or island, instead of the continual fight to stay above the waves, in the sea of grief?

There is another point to this - sex is life-affirming, grief often results in sex, as it makes you feel alive - though if you were to turn to your husband it would also provide intimacy & closeness, both of which would help you heal - but your husband is 'old, tried & tested', what's more - he was there when your mum died - he doesn't let you escape 'yourself', like this bright, new shiny, toy of a man does.

I do know how you feel honestly. My pain is indescribable - I lost my baby daughter less than 3 months ago, and over christmas and new year I trawled sex dating sites, and swinging sites... I would NEVER have gone through with anything, but it did distract me, it really did. Everyone told me how well I was coping...

But you know, now I'm submersed with grief again - the 'high' of a distraction only makes the low after WORSE, much, much worse...

This guy is an exciting distraction from your grief, but he will NOT help you escape it, it will come back, and boy is it worse, if you escape it, even for a time...

I'm sorry for your loss, but try to engage with your husband, and have sex with him, and try to have fun - with him - not with an illusion xx

brokenlily

I'm sorry for your loss too, OP.

I think you need to try and figure out WHY you are tempted by this flirting/possibility of no strings fun. Is it escapism? Or is it symptomatic of a deeper problem, either in yourself or within your marriage? Could it be that you are not associating your home life with much fun and happiness at the moment since the bereavement, and looking outside of that seems like the solution?

This man on FB isn't seeing the bereaved you, with all your ups and downs, like your husband is. Do you perhaps like the attention, and the fact that this man is responding to an idea of a sexy, fun version of you, without all the emotional upset, and that's giving your ego a bit of a boost, thus helping your mood lift when you speak to him?

The safest way to explore these feelings is with a counsellor though, and not with an old flame. CRUSE bereavement might be a good place to start with getting some support. It does of course affect everyone differently.

reheat

property.advert wrote: »

Focus on your life and stop messing your husband around. You knew from your teenage years that your parents would die so whilst it may have been sudden it cannot be too much of a shock.

Stop this nonsense, delete your facebook account and if you need to, just imagine what it would be like to lose your husband as well if he finds out you are contemplating cheating on him with an old flame.

I agree with most of the sentiment here, but to suggest that losing a parent cannot be much of a shock simply because we know it will happen some day ... is just heartless and crass.

jokeyjo

im sorry for your sad loss as yes we all know that it will happen eventually but it still hits like a brick
As for the man you are `friends` with just think is it really worth running the risk of losing everything and believe me it would be everything i would delete him or even fb and sit down and talk to your husband but please dont get in touch with this man again as it is the rocky road to being hurt