Pregnancy worries: male's perpective - help appreciated!

meritaten

why do you think that some pregnancies are not recognised until the woman is in labour? hun - all pregnancies are different - some are realised early on - others arent! some women continue to 'bleed' a bit a bit when periods are due.

norabatty_2

Hi,

I've been in the same position as your wife. I had a miscarraige back at the end of April, 6 days after I got my first positive pregnancy test. Unlike your wife, I felt very pregnant from before I got the result and it never occured to me that I would miscarry, in my head that was something unfortunate that happened to other people, not me. So to say I was in shock was an understatement. I think I was down, if not depressed, for about three months afterwards. Anyway, five months later, I got another positive pregnancy test and I was more than a bit paranoid! I took to doing pregnancy tests (on cheap internet tests where I could see the line getting stronger) every second day and arranged to see my doctor even before my period was due in case there was anything they could do/test for to ensure it didn't happen again. Needless to say, there is absolutely nothing they can do for you, unless you have been diagnosed with a problem which they will only investigate after your second miscarraige. At around seven weeks, after our first time having sex since finding out we were pregnant (wasn't overly in the mood!), I started spotting, which lasted about 5 days. I rang the early pregnancy unit and they scheduled me for an early scan, which we had at eight weeks and I was so relieved to see a heartbeat. The baby looked like a kidney bean with the heartbeat taking up about two-thirds of the body! The night before my 12 week scan, I had a full blown panic attack, I was just so convinced that something was going to go wrong. It didn't! I had my 20 week scan on Wednesday - baby is growing nicely and I started feeling the baby move for the first time on Sunday and every day since.

Things do get easier as time progresses but because of what you have experienced before, you will just have to accept the fact that you will be more anxious that most first-time parents-to-be. I bleed every time we have sex, so we've had to find our way around that, which has been fun! I ended up going to the doctors at 9pm on Christmas Eve due to cramping which was coming and going every 10 minutes or so, which of course sounded like contractions to me, which you obviously don't need at 17 weeks pregnant! Turns out I had an infection which was quickly sorted with some medication.

My only advice would be to pick up the phone and ring doctors/early pregnancy units/midwives whenever you are worried. I have never been made to feel like I'm wasting their time. Doctors/nurses are different with pregnant women, possibly because they are dealing with 2 people rather than one! But definitley get yourselves an early scan, it will do a lot to put your minds at rest, until the next scan at least!!

Best of luck with the next few months and don't forget to regularly tell your wife how wonderful and attractive she is! She'll need it over the next few months!

ferguwat

I had bleeding off and on throughout one of my pregnancies. (More on than off!!) Had to stay in hospital a couple of times following quite big bleeds but everything turned out okay and I had a happy, healthy baby.

Congratulations and good luck!

motherofstudents

All I would say is talk to your wife. You don't want to upset her but if you are both open about it you will both feel better. My friend had bleeding all the way through her pregnancies and now she has 3 boys all over 6' and at college/uni. You never stop worrying you just worry about different things. My son recently did a sky dive.....I hope thing will go well for you

TeamLowe

I'd second talking to your wife. Whilst you don't want to worry her, it would be worse if she felt isolated and like she couldn't talk to you.
Congratulations. No matter what happens, your wife will only be pregnant with this baby once. Enjoy it for now no matter what happens.
Here's hoping for a happy and healthy nine months x x

emsbet

As others have said if your wife took the test five weeks ago then she will be between 8 and 9 weeks which isn't too early to have a scan and see a fully formed baby with a heartbeat. It might be worth asking again if you can have an early scan as it may help to put your mind at rest. Like others have mentioned, if they won't do it on the NHS there are lots of private companies who can. It's not cheap (I think between £60 and £90 depending on the companies in your area) but you may feel its money well spent.
If you do see a heartbeat and baby is measuring correctly your chances of mc are reduced (although nothing is guaranteed) and it should put your minds' at rest.

I know how worrying and stressful pregnancy after a loss can be. I myself have had two mcs in six months, the first at six weeks and the second at 13. It's such a dreadful thing to have to go through. I am now pregnant again for the third time (only about six weeks) and because of my two previous losses I will be getting early scans at six and nine weeks. I have decided to try and be relaxed about this one because I worried and fretted with my last two and it didn't change the outcome so I've decided to just take each day as it comes and worry if/when something happens. Like you said there's at this stage there isn't anything they can do any way. So far this approach has helped me immensely and I'm feeling much more relaxed this time.

As emmylou said there is a less than 12 weeks pregnant thread that you and your wife are more than welcome to come post in. You can find it here. There are are few of us on there who have had losses before so you will find people who know what you are going through.

xx

NickyBat

When i was pregnant, i had my first scan at 8 weeks to check all was ok as i was having problems. All was fine and he is currently on his x box driving me potty !!
Congratulations.

RadoJo

I know the feeling - we had a similar situation except I was in severe pain rather than spotting and was referred for a scan at 5 weeks to check that the pregnancy wasn't ectopic. It wasn't, but it was too early to tell whether the pregnancy was 'viable' or not meaning we had a two week period of limbo where the only thing we could do was just to try and get on with 'normal' life until we knew more. It wasn't easy but we just had to let the time pass until we could find out more, and I suspect that's going to be the position you find yourselves in. The only advice I can give is to hope for the best, but try not to get your heart set on the outcome and try (easier said than done) to occupy your mind with other things until you know more as one thing everyone can agree on is that stressing certainly won't help. Good luck!

mr_parsnip_features

First of all, thank you all very much for all your lovely words and advice.

My wife is having her third blood test today and should get the results later in the week.

The midwife won't see us until week 8. I got the info slightly wrong in my original post. It is now just over 5 weeks since last period stopped so things a little earlier than may have been implied. Positive test was about 2 weeks ago.

One thing the midwife did say was that bleeding is common but to be wary of bright red blood as opposed to brownish blood. She also said that it is up to gp to arrange early scan.

Things are much the same. Still blood on wiping 1st thing, although it was a bit red this morning apparently. However my wife doesn't seem too concerned which is good.

We have discussed things and are reassuring each other not to worry.

Will be seeing gp later in week to get blood test results and get advice about red blood. Will see what she suggests then.

Again, thank you for all advice.

mr_parsnip_features

TeamLowe wrote: »

no matter what happens, your wife will only be pregnant with this baby once. Enjoy it for now no matter what happens.
Here's hoping for a happy and healthy nine months x x

thank you. This has stuck in my mind. Great advice. Going to try and relax and enjoy things. Thanks