Pregnancy worries: male's perpective - help appreciated!

mr_parsnip_features

Hi all,

Wasn't sure where to post this. Hope it is ok here.

OK, here's the story: -

My wife and I have been trying to start a family now for around 6 months.
We got a positive pregnancy result from an at-home test a few months ago. However, my wife had a feeling that things just weren't quite right - no specific symptoms as such, but just a feeling. A few days after that she had some "spotting" - small amounts of blood appearing and shortly after the symptoms of a regular period, which unfortunately came to fruition a day or so afterwards - less than a week after she was due her period.

This was obviously disappointing and upsetting. Having read more about this, it appears to be pretty common. A chemical pregnancy. Not sure it would be classed as a miscarriage. It can be due to a number of different reasons including a non-viable foetus due to genetic irregularities and nothing we could have prevented. In many way if it is going to happen it is better to happen earlier rather than later. Upsetting nonetheless.

Fast forward to now...
We had another positive test 5 weeks ago. Great news!...
Bearing in mind what happened and the fact my wife is on medication to control her thyroid hormone levels, we decided to see the GP almost immediately after the result. The GP was very helpful. She arranged for a blood test to check for thyroid hormone levels and levels of a hormone produced in pregnancy. She also arranged for another set of tests about a week after. We then saw her again after this second set of tests.

The blood test results were good. Thyroid ok and an increase in pregrancy hormones: meaning my wife is indeed pregnant.

However, she has (and is still getting) a small amount of blood in the mornings (which the GP is aware of). This is worrying her, and me of course, taking into account what happened last time. Things are different this time - things are further on for starters. Second, she feels different -what she describes as classic pregnancy symptoms; most likely the result of the hormones.

The doctor has arranged for a third set of bloods next week - to again check for an increase in hormone levels. She has explained that it is not uncommon to have spotting but she has been guarded in saying things are all ok, understandably.

We've arranged a check with the midwife (earlier than is standard) and have been told that it might be possible to have an early scan (6 weeks at the earliest) to check for proper formation of the yolk sac.

Why I am I posting this? Well - I just wondered if anyone else has been through this here? Were concerned about things and haven't/won't speak to anyone we know. We obviously don't want to tell family or friends what's going on in case things don't go well.

In some ways we're optimistic - but whenever I feel myself thinking of what might be - I stop myself as I know there are potential pitfalls along the way. Is this normal? When can you relax and just enjoy things? When do you draw the line? After 12 weeks? When they've finished school?

The main concern is the blood. I get the impression there is nothing we can do. In fact, that there is nothing the doctor could do if she finds things are/aren't normal. We just have to see how things go.

It feels a bit silly the amount of thought I've been giving this. I don't want my wife to worry and don't want to worry her but I'll admit to losing more than a little sleep over it. I guess we wouldn't be so worried if what happened before didn't happen.

I've written alot already - but I suppose some useful information would be that we're both in our late twenties/early thirties and we have had no children previously.

Thanks for reading. Thoughts/advice appreciated.

patchwork_cat

Just want to laugh at when do you relax, when they finish school, no, you never relax! Spotting in early pregnancy does happen and my result of pregancy with spotting is currently eating meatballs and pasta!

Lucy1973

Hi try not to worry. It's quite common to bleed in early pregnancy. I used to get spotting every month when my period was due and am now almost 36 weeks. Some ladies are prone to heavier bleeding and go on to have healthy pregnancies.

Keeping everything crossed for you both x

heretolearn_2

It's natural for you to feel a bit worried about this - so don't feel silly for asking - but spotting isn't all that uncommon and usually doesn't mean anything.

the 12 week mark is the one where people traditionally feel that the pregnancy is pretty much set to go - and when they tell other people about it. Mainly because the majority of miscarriages do happen early, so the risk drops massively then. But the risk is still only tiny before that, so try to relax a little and enjoy this time to start thinking about boys/girls/names/nursery colours etc. :j

Congratulations

Nicki

Hi there.

Very sorry to read about your first miscarriage, but good news that your wife is pregnant again so soon. It is hard not to worry, but although one early miscarriage is very common, it is much less common to have two consecutive ones, so try to stay positive. Any bleeding in early pregnancy is worrying and needs to be checked out, but around 80% of women who go on to have healthy pregnancies will have a small amount of bleeding, as the baby implants and burrows into the lining of the womb.

If your wife got her positive pregnancy test 5 weeks ago, then she is likely to be around 8-9 weeks pregnant now, as pregnancy is dated from the first day of your last period, not from the date of conception or the date of the first positive pregnancy test. So a scan at this stage should show a lot more than a yolk sac, but should show a fully formed embryo with a heartbeat. If she is less far along than this, then the earliest you should really aim to book a reassurance scan is around 7 weeks, when you should be guaranteed of seeing a heartbeat. If your GP or midwife can organise a scan in the next week or so on the nhs that is great, but they are often not offered until around 12 weeks in pregnancy unless there are serious concerns about the viability of the pregnancy, in which case they are usually offered within days of those concerns being notified. A private reassurance scan is not all that expensive however if that would set your mind at rest and available all over the country.

Good luck with the pregnancy. It is a frightening time. I have had 3 children and 2 miscarriages, and each pregnancy is different and comes with its own set of worries, so I can understand where you are coming from, but it is also a joyful time which you should seize while you can.

mrbrightside842

Oh bless you. I don't have the personal experience but know of a few friend who have spotted early on and been fine, and one friend who's periods continued throughout both of her pregnancies. I do believe it's quite common, albeit worrying at the time. Without sounding totally horrid, there's not a lot that can be done this early on anyways, so just try to relax and enjoy looking to the future. And as for stopping worrying, I'm 28 next month and my dad still likes to know I've got I after a night out or driven somewhere and got there safely! Wishing you both a healthy pregnancy, and congratulations.

ciderwithrosie_2

I was going to write that, there's lots of joy but no you never relax - mine are all grown up now and I still fret.

I wonder if you have an early pregnancy assessment clinic attached to your local maternity hospital? If so, then they could offer some advice and reassurance and do the scans earlier.

A friend of mine had bleeding almost all the way through her pregnancy and had to have quite a bit of bed rest in hospital but I think she was admitted more for the fact that she had 3 other kids and she wouldn't be putting her feet up if she was home - she had her daughter about a month early but all was well and she's now a gorgeous 3 year old.

When you get bleeding it's only natural to worry and assume things aren't quite right but there are so many hormones floating about and physical changes going on it could be a result of that.

I hope you get some reassurance soon and that everything goes well

regards CWR

an9i77

Hi there, I have heard that when you get a heart beat the chances of a miscarriage are much reduced, this can be picked up around 7 weeks. If the NHS won't do it, can you afford to get a private scan? Not very money saving I know but may ease your mind.
When I was pregnant I constantly worried about miscarriage due to an underlying medical condition, I didn't stop worrying until baby was born and I heard him cry. Then I started to worry about the next level ie cot death. Now I am past that stage but he is crawling so I'm constantly worrying he's going to put his fingers in plug socket/pull something heavy on top of himself/choke on something so I don't think it ever goes away!

clairec79

If she had a positive pregnancy test 5 weeks ago then she's between 8 and 9 weeks (most likely 9, as whilst some people get a positive pregnancy test at 3 weeks that's before your period is due and is unlikely)

Where I work we would offer an early pregnancy scan if she was over 6 weeks and 0 days (from her last period) if she'd had bleeding - that said none of our GPs would have done anything other than 'call the midwives, this is there number' or called us and arranged the EPAU (early pregnancy assessment unit) scan themselves to be followed up by the midwives

Plenty of women had some bleeding in the first trimester which turns out to be nothing, sometimes, as you found before, it does develop into a miscarriage but not always

MrsManda

Congratulations.
I didn't have spotting but I know it's not rare - it's mainly caused by the embryo implanting into the lining on the womb and changes in the cells of the cervix.

I think you've done the right thing in making sure the GP is aware and having regular blood tests will reduce the chances of your wife's thyroid problems becoming an issue with her or the foetus.

I'm 20 weeks pregnant and have found last couple of months nerve wracking. I take anti-epileptic medication and have regular blood tests to ensure that they don't cause a problem. I also had an early scan because I was in a huge amount of pain but everything was fine

As already said 12 weeks is usually when people start feeling comfortable telling people because most miscarriages occurs prior to this plus you'll have had the 12 weeks scan which ensures that the foetus is developing normally. Also if you choose to have them this is when you have the screening tests for Down's Syndrome.

We told family and a few friends around 12 weeks though we've not told everyone yet as we're slightly paranoid about something going wrong so want to wait until the 20 weeks scan (actually booked for 21 weeks). This is called the abnormality scan as the baby should be developed enough for any major abnormalities to be identified.

I don't think you ever really stop worrying though when your wife starts feeling movement it's reassuring.

Congratulations again, never be afraid to ask questions (I seem to be asking them all the time ) and if you or your wife feels something is wrong then make sure the midwife knows. She won't make you feel stupid but can be reassuring and get your wife tests if necessary. I felt like I was harassing my midwife at the beginning of my pregnancy but she was very understanding (used to new parents) and reassuring.

emmylou83_2

Just wanted to add that there is a less than 12 week thread if u or ur wife wanted to chat to others in similar stage of pregnancy Good luck with the next 8 or so months! Please let us know how u get on with the early scan x