Family will - I would like some information

victory

This is way more than the letter, is the upmaniship? Do you dislike each other so bad over years and years of built up resentment, envy maybe, being prefered one over the other to your parents that you can only get back at each other by one writing a letter and the the other correcting the grammar not to be outdone?

Stop writing have a family meeting face to face, NOW, sort your dad out, go to the house and make sure your dad is o.k, contacting organizations, fair enough, you did that but stop what you are doing and go to your dad.

andygb

victory wrote: »

This is way more than the letter, is the upmaniship? Do you dislike each other so bad over years and years of built up resentment,

Yes, it is a form of "one upmanship" but not on our part.
If I disliked them so much, then I would not have put myself out so much to help the pair of them (not just my father).

Mojisola

Have you checked to see if your mother's estate has been through probate?

lostinrates

andygb wrote: »

Thanks for your help, because it confirms what I thought, except that you have given me even more information.
I have reason to believe that my father (from what he has told me) was asked by my mother to look after my sister! This is strange in itslef, as my sister is an adult and has been working (on and off in one very specialist career) since leaving school. My father has also told me, that he is afraid, that if he challenges/argues with my sister, then he thinks she may leave the house. She is very overbearing/threatening, and to a weaker person may seem intimidating. He now seems to almost take instructions from my sister and never questions her decisions. If we ever question her over the phone, then she simply puts the phone down on us.
There is so much going on here, that it is difficult to recall everything, and to be honest, if I do so, then it may be recognised.

You dad is afraid if he disagrees she might leave....so your dad wants her to stay there?

floss2

Does your dad think (or has he been told) that he could not manage living on his own if your sister leaves?

andygb

Mojisola wrote: »

Have you checked to see if your mother's estate has been through probate?

Not yet, the way I am feeling at the moment, I am not sure if I am bothered any more.

andygb

floss2 wrote: »

Does your dad think (or has he been told) that he could not manage living on his own if your sister leaves?

The fact is, that my dad is supporting my sister most of the time, because her work is sporadic, and she doesn't seem to be worried if she doesn't work for a couple of months. He has a decent pension, but she took out a small mortgage (around £10K) when they bought the latest house. Neither of them are good with financial matters (my mother used to deal with all that).
I just wonder if my father feels duty bound by my mother's last wishes - that he look after my sister? It should obviously be the other way around, particularly as my sister is a carer.

andygb

lostinrates wrote: »

You dad is afraid if he disagrees she might leave....so your dad wants her to stay there?

I am not sure, it sounds bizarre, but my father has never been very conversational at the best of times. The last two holidays they went on, he confided in me that he didn't really enjoy them, because he couldn't get out and walk very much (he likes walking and the holidays were a cruise around the Med and a coach trip to Germany - both arranged and booked by my sister).
Since they moved in 2007, he has no friends - absolutely none!

lostinrates

andygb wrote: »

The fact is, that my dad is supporting my sister most of the time, because her work is sporadic, and she doesn't seem to be worried if she doesn't work for a couple of months. He has a decent pension, but she took out a small mortgage (around £10K) when they bought the latest house. Neither of them are good with financial matters (my mother used to deal with all that).
I just wonder if my father feels duty bound by my mother's last wishes - that he look after my sister? It should obviously be the other way around, particularly as my sister is a carer.

Maybe they look after each other in different ways?

Hezzawithkids

I'm getting confused about what the real problem is. Are you worried about an inheritance that you think you are due from your mother or are you more concerned about your father's welfare?