Family will - I would like some information

BitterAndTwisted

If you suspect elder abuse then you do have the means to report it. I don't have personal experience of this myself so suggest you take a look at the AgeUK website and see if they have any advice that might be useful to you.

daska

andygb wrote: »

My father has also told me, that he is afraid, that if he challenges/argues with my sister, then he thinks she may leave the house. She is very overbearing/threatening, and to a weaker person may seem intimidating. He now seems to almost take instructions from my sister and never questions her decisions. If we ever question her over the phone, then she simply puts the phone down on us.

Personally, after that conversation, I would be having a chat with AgeUK about elder abuse. 0800 169 6565

andygb

daska wrote: »

Personally, after that conversation, I would be having a chat with AgeUK about elder abuse. 0800 169 6565

All done, thanks for the link. They said that I should monitor the situation, and also get in touch with the Family Mediation Association (who log the individual cases). At the weekend, I received a vitriolic/unhinged letter from my sister, accusing my wife and I of various things. At the end of the letter, my sister said - "If you ignore this letter, then I shall simply keep on sending copies until you write back":eek:
Well that sort of thing will just put me on the "back foot" so to speak, and I have no intention of answering it, except maybe to simply edit the letter, correcting spelling and other grammatical errors, and then return it to her, asking if she would be more precise about her accusations, rather than bandy about vague, hysterical statements.

Emmzi

yes. editing her spelling will put her in a really good mood. Thta's the thing to do. People love hearing that they are wrong.

Mojisola

andygb wrote: »

All done, thanks for the link. They said that I should monitor the situation, and also get in touch with the Family Mediation Association (who log the individual cases). At the weekend, I received a vitriolic/unhinged letter from my sister, accusing my wife and I of various things. At the end of the letter, my sister said - "If you ignore this letter, then I shall simply keep on sending copies until you write back":eek:
Well that sort of thing will just put me on the "back foot" so to speak, and I have no intention of answering it, except maybe to simply edit the letter, correcting spelling and other grammatical errors, and then return it to her, asking if she would be more precise about her accusations, rather than bandy about vague, hysterical statements.

If you want to inflame the situation and make it much harder to sort out any problems on your Dad's behalf, go ahead. Otherwise, take a deep breath, count to 10 and relax!

If you think there is anything untoward going on, you need to keep the moral high ground by always being polite, keeping a cool head and don't respond to insults. Keep everything she sends you - letters, texts, emails and phone messages.

andygb

Emmzi wrote: »

yes. editing her spelling will put her in a really good mood. Thta's the thing to do. People love hearing that they are wrong.

I would doubt very much, given the tone of the letter, that her mood could get any worse. It is not me who has been making unfounded allegations (defamation?).
I am also a firm believer that if someone is wrong, and their actions are hurting other people, then they should be corrected.

Mojisola

andygb wrote: »

I would doubt very much, given the tone of the letter, that her mood could get any worse. It is not me who has been making unfounded allegations (defamation?).
I am also a firm believer that if someone is wrong, and their actions are hurting other people, then they should be corrected.

I'm beginning to feel some sympathy for your sister.

andygb

Mojisola wrote: »

If you want to inflame the situation and make it much harder to sort out any problems on your Dad's behalf, go ahead. Otherwise, take a deep breath, count to 10 and relax!

If you think there is anything untoward going on, you need to keep the moral high ground by always being polite, keeping a cool head and don't respond to insults. Keep everything she sends you - letters, texts, emails and phone messages.

Exactly! If I had wanted to reply in the way in which I have suggested, then I would have done so at the time. I have kept this letter (and a previous one sent to me a couple of years ago - rude , but not so nasty).
No texts, emails or phone messages to worry about.
I think that the calm, keeping polite bit is what is really winding her up.;)

andygb

Mojisola wrote: »

I'm beginning to feel some sympathy for your sister.

Why? I have never done anything to hurt my sister. I have never interfered in her personal affairs, spread malicious lies about her, or deliberately embarrased her in front of other people.
Despite the fact that we have helped both her and my father over the last five years, we have received no thanks, and discovered just recently that she has been running us down behind our backs.

Mojisola

andygb wrote: »

Why? I have never done anything to hurt my sister. I have never interfered in her personal affairs, spread malicious lies about her, or deliberately embarrased her in front of other people.
Despite the fact that we have helped both her and my father over the last five years, we have received no thanks, and discovered just recently that she has been running us down behind our backs.

andygb wrote: »

I would doubt very much, given the tone of the letter, that her mood could get any worse. It is not me who has been making unfounded allegations (defamation?).
I am also a firm believer that if someone is wrong, and their actions are hurting other people, then they should be corrected.

If she has been on the receiving end of you correcting her when she's been wrong (in your opinion), she may have built up a degree of resentment which could explain her present behaviour.