Should I attend funeral?

LEJC

I dont have a particularly close relationship with some members of my family especially those on the fringes...and I understand what you say about possibly not seeing the members of that part of the family afterwards...but If it were me I would still attend...

Grief can be very difficult to deal with and sometimes peoples judgement can become clouded by it...maybe you dont see his wife often but she may feel that you were not fussed about attending and at a later stage you may find she has cut ties with you...or resentment builds up because she thinks you didnt want to attend...

If you dont attend...how do you plan to acknowledge his passing?
would you send flowers or a card...would you phone or visit at another time...those are also things to consider...again no one likes a funeral...but you need to acknowledge this persons death some way...you cant just leave it with a "sorry I cant come"...

Of course its purely your decision but even if you only attend for a short time its better than not attending IMO.

zaksmum

The notice the wife and sons put in the paper said "No flowers please" so I couldn't send any. I have sent a card but that's a bit of a cop out I suppose.

Only one of my sisters is going but she was quite close to him.

Acc72

zaksmum wrote: »

I don't know if I would be intruding on a very personal time for them.

I obviously do not know the family, but from experience most people take some comfort from people attending the funeral of a loved one - especially given his age and illness etc. there may not be that many people there (eg. work colleagues etc.)

SandC

I suppose you could try and put yourself in the shoes of his wife and other relations who are closer.

If your husband passed away would you prefer that people who hadn't been close didn't attend?

Edited: Sorry that sounded a bit off, I hope you got my intention there.

NAR

zaksmum wrote: »

Only one of my sisters is going but she was quite close to him.

Then why don't you accompany her and show a united front. If at any time you feel awkward for any reason at least you will have your sister to talk to.

make_me_wise

zaksmum wrote: »

The funeral of a cousin is Friday. He was 76 and I haven't seen him for 7 years. He had Alzheimers for the last five years so wouldn't have recognised me anyway. Last time I rang his wife and asked if I could visit him she said no, it would confuse and upset him.

So I don't really want to go - I hate funerals - but should I go anyway to pay my respects?

Hmmmm difficult one. I dont think the wife meant to be rude when she turned down your offer to visit him. It may well have confused and upset him if he couldn't recognise you. Personally I would go along. I hate funerals too. I dont see going along as just paying my respects but also to support those who will be really suffering and find the day incredibly hard. Most services are about 30 mins I should think, and you could just go back to the house or wherever they go on to next, for a short while. It needn't be a whole day event. See it as giving up a couple of hours of your day to make a difference to someone.

londonsurrey

It depends on your motives. If you are concerned about his wife, and know that she would prefer you to attend, and want to do what you can to support her, then go.

If you don't want to go, don't really like her, etc, then don't go. It's all about what you want to achieve.

starrystarry

You might dread going and it certainly won't be pleasant but it'll be over in a flash. If you don't go you'll feel bad about it for a very long time. Every time something reminds you of him, you'll feel bad all over again. Go to the funeral, do the right thing.

zaksmum

londonsurrey wrote: »

It depends on your motives. If you are concerned about his wife, and know that she would prefer you to attend, and want to do what you can to support her, then go.

If you don't want to go, don't really like her, etc, then don't go. It's all about what you want to achieve.

You're right londonsurrey. His wife's a lovely person, bit on the posh side but that's not her fault! I think now that I can see it's all about support for the immediate family in their hour of need.
Imagine if everyone felt the same and hardly anyone bothered to go? I'm probably just being selfish thinking of myself at this time...so I should go.

3v3

zaksmum wrote: »

You're right londonsurrey. His wife's a lovely person, bit on the posh side but that's not her fault! I think now that I can see it's all about support for the immediate family in their hour of need.
Imagine if everyone felt the same and hardly anyone bothered to go? I'm probably just being selfish thinking of myself at this time...so I should go.

:T :beer: ....................................