Should I attend funeral?

CH27

You should go to support his family & celebrate his life.

SandC

I would go to pay your respects. It's of some comfort to the close family to see a lot of people have come, even though they may not have seen him in years. It shows he was not forgotten how he used to be.

Don't think too harshly of his wife. It's an awful degenerative condition and by the end the sufferer will be in a very bad state. She would have been trying to protect him from further stress and remember that it was her who would have to deal with the repurcussions after visitors have gone. Alzheimers sufferers are often angry and abusive in their confusion.

duchy

His wife trying to protect him by saying no to visitors -is that the reason why you're not going.......or something else ?

LEJC

I can understand completly why your aunt refused your request to visit your uncle on the grounds that it would confuse him...it often happens with that condition...my mum suffers dementia and to be honest if a relation phoned and asked could they visit her if they've not seen her for a while then I think my response would be similar to that of your aunt....it may have been upsetting for both you and your uncle to have met up...

having said all that...I think it is important to go to the funeral...basically because the man who has died was a part of your family and even though you didnt see him in his latter years I am sure you potentially have memories of him when you were growing up....please dont think that just because your aunt suggested not visiting him that she meant she didny care about you attending the funeral...

a funeral is never pleasent and to be honest given the choice I doubt anyone wants to attend...but its just a few hours out of your life to pay your respects and show your support for the immediate family left behind...

3v3

red_devil wrote: »

thats abit sick isnt it? you prefer people to die.

I thought it was funny

I don't wish people to die, but, the funeral tea is often a place of re-living the good times about the deceased, their quirks, funny stories, celebrating their life, with others who cared as much as I did about that person. It's also very sobering

Death is the most natural thing (after birth). While I do agree it is a sensitive time for those who are bereaved, sometimes, people can be a bit ... oversensitive on the subject matter?

elsien

It's also about the ties that bind us, as it were. Family occasions - weddings, birthdays, funerals are the ties that help to keep the extended family still a family, and not just the individual units off doing their own thing.
Family and community are important (well, they are to me anyway) which is why I make the effort to go to things that at times I'd rather not. It's a mutual support system, there for you when you need it as well.

zaksmum

There's no question of my thinking harshly of his wife...she was indeed attempting to protect him and I admire her for that. It's just that I never really had any kind of close relationship with my cousin...probably only saw him about 12 times in my life, at funerals or weddings. And I'm sure I'll never see his wife or sons again...the sons don't know me at all.

I don't know if I would be intruding on a very personal time for them.

VfM4meplse

zaksmum wrote: »

There's no question of my thinking harshly of his wife...she was indeed attempting to protect him and I admire her for that.

I'm not sure that I would be quite so sympathetic, given that you were making an effort. An appearance at the funeral would show that you had some regard for your cousin.

SandC

I get it zaksmum, but I can kinda give a perspective from the other side.

My father spent the last 8 years of his life in a nursing home and was so poorly that only his very close relatives saw him in the last couple of years because it was stressful on him and most of all on our stepmum who knew him and his condition better than anyone. But because of this, when he passed away I wondered whether it would be a very sparce funeral with hardly anyone there. I did hope not.

As it happened, the attendance was good and we were all grateful to those who came along. It wasn't intrusive.

The only one who was slightly off was his brother who I had only met once before that day and he told me he was only there for his sister as they didn't get on. I thought it wasn't appropriate to actually say that out loud whether that was his reasoning or not but it was just a moment which passed.

3v3

zaksmum wrote: »

There's no question of my thinking harshly of his wife...she was indeed attempting to protect him and I admire her for that. It's just that I never really had any kind of close relationship with my cousin...probably only saw him about 12 times in my life, at funerals or weddings. And I'm sure I'll never see his wife or sons again...the sons don't know me at all.

I don't know if I would be intruding on a very personal time for them.

Then it would seem very natural that those are the occasions when your family meet up; in which case, I don't think the issue of "intruding" comes into it. "Supporting" them at a very personal time is another way of looking at it. Good luck with your decision.