retirement plans

chesky369

Sounds to me that you may be just a teeny bit too - how shall I say - 'going on about it'. Ease up on the poor old soul and let him decide for himself what he wants to do - he probably doesn't even have a clue just yet. We're all different and we react to things differently. If I think my son or daughter are nagging me about something that I know I should do, then I just dig my heels in and not do it, just for the hell of it. If you lay off for a bit (not even sly, sideways references), then eventually he might get around to telling you his plans. Remember, you're years ahead of him in this, just let him catch up.

Pollycat

It does sound to me that you, having had 5 years to get yourself into a nice routine and start up or develop your interests, you want your OH to jump right in there with you - without allowing him the time to sort himself out.

Do you have similar interests?

You talk about 'the next phase of your lives', but have you ever discussed this together?

Do you even want to do the same things?
That's not as bad as it sounds, one partner may like yomping across boggy moors and the other prefer painting watercolours.
That's not to say both people can't be happy together.

Depending on his personality (is he stubborn?), all this trying to push him to talk about what he's going to do at the end of the year may be counter-productive or getting him down.

Newly_retired

You are of course, both absolutely right, pollycat and chesky.
But that doesn't help me!!!!
My original question was about sources of help - for him or for us both- retirement counselling or whatever.
Any ideas anyone?

Mojisola

If you google "retirement courses" you'll probably find someone is running one near you.

Pollycat

Newly Retired
You've already said that you've both had the usual retirement counselling offered by some companies.

Newly_retired wrote: »

We are making very little progress in talking about our future plans. I am getting frustrated as he is avoiding the issue, or actually getting quite stressed about it when we do talk.

I can't see any form of other retirement counselling helping until your husband decides he's comfortable talking about his and your joint retirement plans and stops getting stressed about it.

Newly_retired wrote: »

My friends and family are supportive of my ideas but can also see why DH feels differently.

As you say they can see why your husband feels differently, do you think they might feel that you are coming on a bit strong but don't like to say so to your face?

I might be totally wrong but I get the feeling from a few things you've said that you are determined to get your new life together off to the start that you want as soon as he's finished work.

I think he may just want to chill a little first.

Newly_retired

OK, fair point.
I do know that after a while he will come back to the subject and talk about an aspect of it as if it is his own idea.... so I just keep on drip feeding little ideas from time to time.

chesky369

......My original question was about sources of help - for him or for us both- retirement counselling or whatever......

but it seems to be YOUR problem really - he doesn't seem to think he has one, so perhaps he doesn't think he needs other sources of help.

tanith

I am in a similar postition having been retired for several years hubby has 2yrs to go but we aren't making specific plans other than to travel a bit , we won't be well off but will be mortgage free and have enough for our needs . I don't see why you would need specific help, we both have ideas how we want to spend our time some of it will be shared some of it will be apart . Give you husband space to relax and then maybe you can get together with your ideas and see what comes along , he seems happy as things are maybe you need to make plans of your own and let him just enjoy his freedom for a while without any specific plans in place

chesky369

......My friends and family are supportive of my ideas

......I have been waiting to move into the next phase of our lives for nearly five years

Can I ask what your ideas are? Am I right in thinking you do a CAB stint? If so (and forgive me if I'm mis-remembering) do you intend continuing with this? You see, I'm wondering if your OH simply doesn't agree with your plans (for him as well as you?) and doesn't quite know how to break it to you.

McKneff

Newly_retired wrote: »

You are of course, both absolutely right, pollycat and chesky.
But that doesn't help me!!!!
My original question was about sources of help - for him or for us both- retirement counselling or whatever.
Any ideas anyone?

I can only agree with the others, its his retirement, let him choose what to do when the time comes.

If he wants to join in what you do, he will when he wants to.
If he wants help, he will ask for it, presumably he is well aware of your 'interests'

Back off a bit, stop trying to 'organise' him.

He's probably had 50 years of being told what to do by his job so let him have a bit of time to enjoy a bit of peace.

I was in his shoes last year, I just wanted a break to enjoy my rest and retirement, I shall choose what I want to do when I want to and I dont want my OH nattering me about it.