Being given food

tiff

Just wondered if anyone else is like us and how do you feel about it. We are struggling due to Christmas and it being a long time till pay day. We didnt get into debt for Christmas but we have just over £100 left till pay day on the 27th. Still need to pay DH's £4 a day train fare out of this and petrol on Monday so I can go to work. I work once a week, was made redundant from my other job in 2010.

My Mum knows that we are struggling, so she has taken to buying food either on offer or just because she wants to to help us out. On Sunday she brought round a big chicken, 7 pork chops, broccoli, cabbage and 4 toilet rolls! On Monday when I saw her she had been to Poundland and bought us 2 tins of tuna, 2 packs of sausages and 3 tins of beans and said to me, there you are thats another meal!

I am so grateful and make use of everything she gives me as we're eating out of the cupboards and freezer but at 42 I feel embarrassed that she is helping us in this way.

Maybe she took my interest in foodbanks the wrong way lol

krlyr

If she wants to do it, why not? You may be 42 but you're still your mum's daughter. I've got my own house with OH but I know if I was ever struggling, my mum would step in and help out - but equally I'd help her out where I could too.

FairyPrincessk

I think helping each other out when times are tough is what functional families do. Obviously this doesn't mean I think people should feel "entitled" to sponge off their better off family members, but that doesn't sound like what you're doing at all! This sounds like a temporary problem that your mum wants to help alleviate. It also sounds like you've had a number of other events (like redundancy) leading up to this. Think about what it would be like if the tables were turned and your mum suddenly needed help and you had the means to provide it--wouldn't you? And wouldn't you want her to take it without feeling guilty? In a similar vein, if your mum wasn't helping you out now and you had to go into or increase your debt it might mean you were less able to crawl out of that and be stable or help her in the future.

I don't think your age has anything to do with it. No one has everything under control all of the time, and I think it would be nice if our society acknowledged that a little bit more.

HelenYorkshire

Ahh bless her Helping you out without waiting to be asked.

I understand it's a bit disconcerting (it took me a while to gleefully enjoy getting hand-me-downs from friends, and I only relaxed about it because they would gleefully accept mine, or other people's).

Perhaps you could do something special for her after payday to "pay her back" - be it a nice bunch of flowers or a meal with you?

tiff

Yes, I know youre right, I would help her if she needed anything. We've always stood on our own two feet (unlike other members of the family) and never asked for money. We havent always managed our money well in the past (consolidated debt by adding to the mortgage) but since 2008 we have never used our credit cards and cleared debt so I think she sees us trying to help ourselves.

jovichick123

My OH's mum does similar, she lives down south and we only see her a couple of times a year. She tends to bring one of the big blue bags from ikea full of stuff. At first, I used to be a bit uncomfortable with it but over time I have got more used to it, it's just her way of trying to help. TBH me and OH often have a giggle about it as the contents of the bags can be somewhat random at times, we normally get things like toilet rolls, canned things and treats but last time we got pickled gerkins (OH loves them) and Oxo cubes of many different types I would just go with it, if it makes her happy that can't be a bad thing

ETanny

I think thats a lovely thing for your mam to do. If you feel embarressed by it - Treat her on payday, Get her a lovely bunch of flowers or a box of her favourite chocs just as a thankyou. Maybe even take her out for a meal?
Although, Im sure she is doing it from the kindness of her heart and wouldnt expect anything back in return

jamanda

Stop worrying. It is just what Mum's do. I do it for my grown up kids when they are stuck if I can.

Ilona

It probably gives your mum a good feeling that she is able to help you a little. Accept with a smile and a thank you and a kiss on the cheek. When things get a bit better for you, you can give her a little inexpensive treat. A short trip in the car to a nice place, picnic or stop for a cuppa, etc.

It's fine when family help, but I had an embarrassing moment when a friend of a friend, someone I didn't know very well, gave me a bag of food because she heard me talking about shopping around for food bargains. She thought I was in dire need, when the truth is that scrimping and frugal living is the norm for me. I was shocked and horrified, that she thought I was so skint I couldn't feed myself.

I reluctantly accepted the bag, (she dropped it at a friends house), more to spare her feelings if I refused it. I still feel embarrassed when I meet her briefly in the street.
Ilona

concerned43

I am with the others on this - accept her kindness with grace. my mum does the same for me - so does my sister, but to the extreme- keeps buying me/DS clothes which we do not need, pays for days out etc. gives money... the problem with sis though is that she thinks she can now tell me how to run my life and has very little respect for me!

System

accept her kindness with gratitude (unless you know at some point you will be reminded over and over again of what she's done for you).

Many years ago i would throw together the occasional food parcel for a family member and it was received with gratitude. She never expected it and i didnt feel that she owed me anything in return.

Another family member of mine, if she gave you anything, she'd never let you forget it. She was what loosely termed as an 'Indian Giver'.