Son Taking out Loans without intent on paying them back in our address !

paulare

It is very kind of you to reply... thank you so much.

BEAR

I am so sorry to read your posts

I can understand where you are ( many similar issues)

You know you have show Tough Love and I know how hard this can be

A website which helps is famanon there is a discussion area on there and they are really sympathetic and there is also an online meeting

some people may struggle with the "Higher Power" but please give it a go

another one is the gotateenager forum on family lives - I know your son is well past his teens but there is alot of help there also

I wish you luck

and please dont let his actions destroy your lives

BEAR

Just wanted to add

am i the only one who gets made to feel that i am "odd and stupid"

most of the people son knows come from familes who have never worked, think drugs and drink are the norm and that having a criminal record is just a bit of fun.

They would be applauded for conning money out of these firms by whatever means they could. i dont want to come across as missperfect cos I'm not but seriously what can be done about this attitude

thorsoak

It's hard, I know - you've brought your son up the best way you know, and he decides to go down another path - it is his decision to associate with the "wrong people" then there is little you can do about it.

It's very hard when they become teenagers, you can no longer influence the people they associate with, and who become their friends

paulare

My son has associated with 'the wrong people' as well... we just CANNOT understand what he sees in them... we are not snobs, but we have worked hard to get a nice house, we live in a nice area, but he delights in mixing with drug addicts, and thieves and scum... he writes to someone in prison that the police know very well (I have mentioned this person to the police, several times and they all give me the same reaction...'Why the hell does your son associate with HIM?)
Our son seems to be on self destruct, and is taking us with him... well at least he has for the last 4 years... until this week... I have told him this latest loan is all his... daddy is NOT going to pay for it...
But then he rang me up 2 nights ago, nearly crying, telling me that he needed £80, or else 2 men were going to 'break his legs'... naturaly I raced around and gave him the money... (but what parent wouldn't?) but I only handed the money over in front of his girlfriend (who is older and seems to be a lot more sensible than my son)... I could tell it was genuine... but to break someone's legs for £80??? ... these are the people he is mixing with!
I have had a lot of people (including on the forum) telling me that it has to be tough love... they, of course are absolutely correct...but it is very tough on us as well... and until he comes to his senses, if he ever does, we will just have to plough on and be here for him when he falls, or wants to come back.

thorsoak

Sorry - but because you have raced around with £80 for him, he will be calling again, and again.....and again .......and again.

That money would not be enough to stop a debt collector "breaking his leg" - but it would be sufficient for him and his g/f to go out and buy drugs ....which could well kill him!

If he does have his leg broken by debt-collectors - then it could mend. If he continues taking drugs until he overdoses - then he will end

YOU HAVE TO STOP ENABLING HIM TO CONTINUE WITH THIS BEHAVIOUR - and the only way you can is by NOT GIVING HIM ANY MONEY/PAYING ANY OF HIS DEBTS.

This sounds harsh, I know - but it really is time for Tough Love to start - if it isn't too late already.

Be strong! Yes - be there for him - there is a home for him with you ...when he is clean!

paulare

Thank you... I know you are probably right... but.. I dont really know what else to say... I suppose I fall for it everytime... I really dont think his girlfriend IS on drugs, she has 4 kids, one was only born in January... he is putting us through hell

BitterAndTwisted

He is only putting you through hell because you let him. Change your phone number and don't answer the door if he comes round. Tell him you want absolutely nothing to do with him as long as he continues to live the life he does. There is absolutely no other way. He's a grown adult, you have done your parenting and it's time to stop. Right now, if only for your own sanity