Son Taking out Loans without intent on paying them back in our address !

limitation

make_me_wise wrote: »

I hope this wont cause any offense but could your son be funding a drug addiction? It would explain his need to have access to endless cash and a reason why he cannot pay any back.

It comes across as if he is a young man who leads an extreme and wreckless life. He is now doing something which most of us wth even limited common sense or conscience would not consider. Drugs can have a devestating effect on someones ability to function and have reasoned/considered thought.

I dont want to worry you or cause you any more angst. However I feel that your son is going down a dangerous path and there may be this awful reason behind it.

No offence taken at all ! We have always thought he's had an alcohol problem, We've tried talking to him, So many times but he wouldn't open up to us, We've offered so much support but its to no avail, If he can't help himself then how are we supposed to help him ? My mum was driven to make a very hard decision putting him out on the street, But there is only so much a human being can take ! but under no circumstances can that validate what he has done.

All I can say is we've taken everyone's advice on board, And we can not thank you lot enough !

What a fantastic group of people you all are ! What a fantastic community MSE is ! Thank you all so much !

fluffnutter

limitation wrote: »

Eurgh, I just bet we sound like terrible people to everyone on here.

Not in the least. He's a grown up now. Having his parents endlessly sorting out his problems for him is not the way to help him. I expect you've had a really rough time over the years. Try not to feel guilty.

make_me_wise

You sound like a close and loving family who pull together and support each other. I feel that you have done all you can, countless times to try and help him. You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink.

By contacting the police tonight and by now following their advice you will be helping in the only way possible now. His activities will be brought to an end one way or another.

If he has applied for jsa and used your address I would also contact them asap and let them know the real situation. By making these organisations aware you are in the long run saving him from himself.

Speak with the CAB as well. He wont be the first or last person to have done this and they will sadly have seen it all before. They may well be a great source of information, both about coping now and of how to help him in the future.

I hope for his sake that one day he will come to his senses and realise how lucky he is to have you all in his life. He owes you all so much for the care you have shown him.

Ames

Does he actually have an address of his own? It's one thing applying for credit at a false address, the benefit of that is obvious. But why put a claim in for JSA at a false address? If he's working and claiming then address will mean nothing because he'll be caught through NI Number. Putting the wrong address will just mess up his claim.

As for the debts. Don't worry about it affecting you, credit ratings have nothing to do with addresses, just people. If (and it's a big if) bailiffs turn up, then don't let them in. Just show them your ID through the window and legally they have to go away - you've proved that you're not the debtor, and that it's your house. If they don't go, then call the police as they're tresspassing.

I agree with the above poster who said post this on the bankruptcy forum, or Debt Free Wannabe - they're the real experts at all this.

paulare

Well at least my wife and I are not alone... my 22 year old son has just taken out yet ANOTHER loan... he does not live at home, has no job... and another letter has just arrived telling him that he has not repaid the money (this time ONLY £250... which has now jumped up to £330!!!)
He will also be charged interest of 9% per week!
How can he keep getting these loans with no way of paying them back? (he has used Wonga before now... this time 'Toothfairy)
We have helped him to clear all the other loans he has taken out, but I told him that after those; we would not be paying any others... FULL STOP.
We have been told by everyone that we have not helped him by paying the other loans... but he is our son and we wanted to try and get him on the straight and narrow, and kept believing that he would change.
This has gone on for 4 long years.... he has terrible mood swings... and when he gets into one of his moods he uses foul language against me and his mum... we cannot take anymore... and this bill which came today has been the final straw.
I telephoned the loan company and told them the state he is in and where he is currently dossing... I felt terrible doing this, but I am on the point of having a nervous breakdown.
And before anyone suggests it; yes I do think he must be taking drugs.
Any advice?.... we are at breaking point.

thorsoak

1. You may think that you are keeping him on the straight and narrow - but what you are doing is allowing him to stray right off the path - by repaying for him, he does not have to take responsibility for his actions - Mum and Dad will sort it out!

2. Now is the time for tough love - write to all the Credit checking agencies, and make it clear that he does not live at your address - I think that you can get a statement attached to your address stating this.

3. If he starts to get abusive with you on the telephone - PUT THE PHONE DOWN. If he comes round to your home and starts to get abusive - SHOW HIM THE DOOR. If he will not leave voluntarily, then I'm afraid that it is time to call in the boys in blue

He is an adult. He is responsible for his own actions. Yes, he is your son, will always be your son and you love him - but you do not have to love what he does/what he is, and you do not have to accept this behaviour from him.

DVardysShadow

limitation wrote: »

I know its an offence to open someone else mail, However the law states, "A person commits an offence if, intending to act to a person's detriment and without reasonable excuse, he opens a postal packet which he knows or reasonably suspects has been incorrectly delivered to him."

The Postal Services Act 2000

Anymore help would be highly appreciated !

If by opening someone else's mail you stop them getting away with a scam, then you are not in legal terms acting to their detriment. And as you are forestalling harassment from debt collectors, you have what I would class as reasonable excuse.

sassyblue

Thorsoak said all what l was going to say.

Sorry you're going through this Paulare but now is the time to ignore his behaviour before it does cause you a breakdown. You can't help him he must do that himself, tell him you will only now offer emotional support (if you can manage that).

His behaviour is not a reflection on you either, people can go astray. Xx

gravitytolls

limitation wrote: »

Eurgh, I just bet we sound like terrible people to everyone on here.

We've tried so hard to help him, But he continually messes everyone over, We don't wan't to be chasing his problems up, We don't wan't to have the hassle of all of this on our address.

Its unfair on my other son's who pay rent, And who work, and who actually pay their bills and debts on time, Both are fed up with this to, Other family members will have nothing to do with him, Friends of ours are fed up.

He refuses to work, Claims JSA, I don't even know how he is able to claim with the amount he's made in the past 2 years, He spends all his money at the pub.

I'm not doing this to cause trouble, He has to stop taking out loans especially payday loans, He's going to create such a mess for himself, He owes at least 4 payday loan companies if not more, 3 phone contracts he's defaulted on 2 of which he made no payments at all on.

And then we get all the knocks at the door, Letters.

He hasn't lived here for 3/4 years (Which was only for a temp period of 1 and a half years), We took him in because he was homeless (Came out of a relationship), He refused to pay rent. He inherited £7000ish 8 months ago from an ex partner he was living with (They where on a mortgage 6 years ago), All of which he wasted on alcohol, Nights out, Hotels, Taxis, Food and other things within 6 months ! And we had him living here temporary for 2 months to help him get on his feet as a last chance, Which he abused completely, And refused to pay anything into the house, Wen't out drinking, So he was told to leave.

There is so much more I could go into, But I would just rather resolve this.

P/s Thanks to everyone who's replied so far ! you've all been really helpful, What a fantastic community MSE is.

You don't sound remotely terrible people, don't be daft.

I know, we've worried about our eldest for years, he's tried to take out loans at our address too, but been turned down thanks to his dire credit record, hasn't paid other credit, phone contracts etc.

we too asked him to leave a year or so ago, he will be 23 this year. He spends almost as much time here as before, dinner, etc., kipping on the sofa, despite having his own flat now, simply because he gets a lift to work from a lad up our road, and it saves him £40 a week on fuel. We don't complain, despite paying no keep and making his lunch etc., as at least he's working.

Anyhoo, I'm not alone on these boards of having posted my concerns over many years, and you're in good company.

I'm not a fan of 'snitching' as fluff suggested, if he gets no JSA, what will he live on? Will he turn up on your doorstep needing a handout? What will you do if he does? How bad will you feel if you think you've brought about that situation?

Re. the loans, you've received some very good advice here, and I will just add, maybe change your telephone number. Write to all creditors stating that he doesn't reside at your address, state the date he left, state that the loans were made fraudulently without your knowledge, and that you will take action if harassment continues.

But, be aware, the harassment will continue, the calls will go on, letters dropping on the doormat. Once you've written to everybody, don't bother responding to repeated bills and threats, just stick 'em in the recycling bin. Court letters, you simply send a copy of the letter you sent to creditors with a cover letter reiterating your position.

If you can't bear the phone calls, change your number, if you can handle saying 'doesn't live here, never has, goodbye' then hanging up, do so. There's a terrific thread by Zinc Oxide which may inspire your responses to become imaginative, or at least provide a little light relief.

Door knockers, hand them a copy of the letter you will send to creditors, tell them to keep it on file and not to return or you will contact the police and charges will be brought. The human rights act says something about entitlement to living in peace, I think this is in aCAB leaflet, and CAB are an excellent place to get sound advice and cover letters.

Good luck, chin up, sometimes despite our best endeavours, we just can't help those we love most.

paulare

Thank you... so many people have told us this,,, and you are absolutely right.
we decided about 2 months ago to call the Police whenever he got really abusive... we thought the Police might think we were wasting their time, but they told us 'If he does it again; just dial 999' ... the Police have been BRILLIANT to us... I cannot speak highly enough of them... they have seen the hell we are going through.
Thank you again.