Grandparents rights

BitterAndTwisted

The new wife is a Jehovah's Witness or similar, I reckon.

dissy

Gleek wrote: »

No, there are three of them - the older must be 16+ I would think


I would be concerned that the children aren't allowed to mention their homelife.... has the oldest child been spoken to about the situation and let on about anything?

Best of luck.

Thanks Gleek
Yes you are right the eldest is 16 and left home a month after his new wife moved in. She has always had a bad relationship with her father.
The younger children are only allowed face to face contact with there sister and no one is allowed contact with them via text, mobile or f/b.
This is controlled by him as the few times he has taken them to G/p house they are both told not to say anything at all about home.
The only thing the eldest says is that she hates him and just hopes her siblings also get out at 16.

dissy

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

The new wife is a Jehovah's Witness or similar, I reckon.

Knowing absolutley nothing about the jehovahs can you explain to me how this would effect them letting the children see there G/P?
I am really sorry if what I am sharing is upsetting you, I have heard and read some awful things that they are doing.
And because of that I have reported them to social services.
Although I don't think anything will come of it as I spoke to them the 1st week of december and eldest has not mentioned being spoken to by anyone at school.

daska

I get a strong feeling that there is a lot more that you haven't mentioned on the thread - which I quite understand and I think is quite correct of you. If it is as B&T has ventured, which was a thought that went through my mind as well when you mentioned about them not being allowed to talk about their home life, then you could do worse to take a look at http://www.exjehovahswitness.net or http://www.exjehovahswitness.net. There are other similar groups who are less well known but who practice shunning and excommunication in various forms (disfellowshipping for JWs). Essentially you have to understand that, if the underlying problem is that the dad has got involved in a cult, it is about control - the usual thing is that non-members are evil, stupid, 'asleep' or some other disaparaging label and that by being in contact with non-members you are putting your eternal soul (substitute title used by cult) in jeopardy and risk being expelled from the cult which would essentially cast you into outer darkness. There are a lot of techniques used by the groups to apply pressure in order to gain control, from diet to extended prayer times, to sleep deprivation, all of which lead to a total undermining of your self worth and a reliance on the group which encourages you to withdraw from family/friends who don't share the same beliefs. It's scary because even highly intelligent people can succumb - especially those who are emotionally vulnerable e.g. people who have suffered a bereavement. It's insidious and people caught up in it can need a lot of support to find the strength to leave.

BitterAndTwisted

dissy wrote: »

Knowing absolutely nothing about the jehovahs can you explain to me how this would effect them letting the children see there G/P?
I am really sorry if what I am sharing is upsetting you, I have heard and read some awful things that they are doing.
And because of that I have reported them to social services.
Although I don't think anything will come of it as I spoke to them the 1st week of December and eldest has not mentioned being spoken to by anyone at school.

Dissy, I am very sorry indeed if my comment upset you. It was not my intention, I assure you. I thought, perhaps incorrectly, that this behaviour had occurred since the father had remarried and it was due to a different frame of mind or allegiance because of her but I see now that I was wrong.

This man sounds really, really horrible and frightening and what the eldest has reported, that she hates him and just hopes her siblings also get out at 16 is worrying in the extreme. There is only one place my mind is going to with that very distressing information and I sincerely hope that I am completely and utterly wrong.

I think you are absolutely right to have spoken to SS. I would have done the same. In fact, I think I would continue to speak to them, and perhaps encourage the eldest to do so as well but that may prove to be exceptionally difficult and painful for her. A betrayal, if you like.

I sincerely wish you all the luck in the world in what you are trying to achieve. One hopes that the children will know and understand soon, and will become free and safe.

dissy

Daska
Thank you so much for the links and advice I think that has hit the nail on the head.
I am sorry this thread has moved away from the title, things have been very wrong since last summer and I have wanted to ask advice a lot of times.
The children told me back in the summer that they were only allowed food from the cupboards that was labelled by her as theres.
You are right that there are lots of things that I can't share on here. I have only ever wanted to help my Aunt and Uncle see the G/c and maintain that relationship.
What you are saying though does tie in with whats happening.
Thank you again for your help

gonzo127

just a thought, if the dad is controling everything and checking everything, mobiles, facebook etc, have you considered buying them a seperate (secret?) pay and go mobile phone so that they can talk to you/someone if they need to without being found out by their dad?

and do not worry about the thread moving away from the title, as you have put a bit more information on here i think it needed to move away from the rights of the grandparents and more to the protection of the children, who if we are honest are the most important thing in this

Gigglepig

Can the older kids access emails at school or in the library so that they can stay in touch?

I would make sure they all knew you loved them and would happily be in contact, but at the same time not to put pressure on them or compete for their loyalty... Kids can be so loyal to parents even when the parent's don't deserve it.

dissy

Thanks for the above suggestions.
I wrote to the middle child and was able to get the letter sneaked to her via G/P at christmas, this is how I know things are very wrong there has always
been a strong bond between us as I looked after her when she was young.
She asked me to not contact her back in september anymore via text or f/b as her father said that it was just for school friends.
I knew if things were ok at home she would have found away of contacting me she must of guest at what I wrote in the letter that I was worried about her.
There is no way of sneaking an e-mail through school as I think the father is on the govenors I could not run the risk.
I just don't know what to do, the obvious would be to try and talk to him but I am worried if I said anything to him I would get angry about whats going on and he would punish them.
I ran a thread back in July but I am rubbish posting links but if you go in my profile its headed "I just don't understand"
A big thanks to all who have replied.

Mojisola

dissy wrote: »

I ran a thread back in July but I am rubbish posting links but if you go in my profile its headed "I just don't understand"

Here it is - https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3352578