Grandparents rights

dissy

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

It is difficult, because maybe the stepmum was feeling a bit threatened and pushed out by this daily contact and would like to change patterns and routines. Has a direct question been asked about making regular arrangements to see the children? Do they live near enough that they could get to and from grandparents house under their own steam?

Thank you ss.
Yes it was obvious that the daily contact would not continue and was accepted by the grandparents. The father had everyones blessing to move on. Although over the last 6 months the father has told the grandparents to not go to the house for collection or drop off. Sadly the children are not on a direct bus route.
The mums brother went to visit them at xmas but she told him to leave as he did not arrange prior to see them.

dissy

McKneff wrote: »

Has there been tension/arguments between the stepmum and the grandparents.

Some mediation/common sense should be applied first before going the legal route. That was could possibly cause even more tension.

Try and get the father to mediate or is he part of the problem.

Yes he most deffinately is as he has some very strange rules in place.
They asked him months ago if he would take the children to them.
He agreed to every monday after school.
When they ask if there comming the father says yes, although he changes his mind and they don't go.
On some occassions he has met them somewhere and says I will be back in 2 hours.
The children are on very strict instructions to not say anything about there home life.
Its all a very big worry for us all about the childrens welfare.
My uncle and aunty are in there 70s and have had to deal with loosing there daughter and him stopping them seeing the children is just more stress.

BitterAndTwisted

dissy wrote: »

The children are on very strict instructions to not say anything about their home life. It's all a very big worry for us all about the children's welfare.

This throws a completely different perspective onto the situation. I would be considering attempting to make contact with the children by any way, means or form I could think of. This is not healthy by any stretch of the imagination. I cannot think of a single benign reason for this behaviour at all. All I can think if is how those children could be feeling, by imagining that they have been abandoned by those who loved them and cared about them.

How about letters enclosing stamp-addressed envelopes? If the children are being controlled as much as it sounds, non-receipt of an answer could tell you everything you don't want to know.

Then, the next necessary step will be clear. To me, at least.

daska

B&T is right, there is no good reason for them being instructed not to say anything about their home life. There might be excuses made for it, such as "well they told their aunty such and such and apparently aunty said something bad about us in return, but there is no good reason for the instruction itself.

You NEED a paper trail evidencing how much contact you used to have, how much you are currently having, what efforts you have made to continue/restore contact and what the response has been. Be polite, request rather than demand, think about every possible excuse that could be used to explain not returning phonecalls, responding to letters etc.

Try stamped addressed envelopes as B&T has suggested but if one of you is a whizz on photoshop or some such you could design personalised paper/envelopes (including your addresses) as a gift. Use formal invites to specific events - given the age of your aunty and uncle every birthday or anniversary is a valid opportunity. Make birthday presents ones where it necessitates family involvement from all 3 siblings e.g. tickets to go to a panto with you. Or choose gifts with practical restrictions e.g. "IOU a cooking lesson" with a choice of birthday cake tins that can be ordered specially waiting for your lesson etc. And ask the school for details of school performances, fairs etc. A bit of lateral thinking can apply a lot of pressure.

Savvy_Sue

daska wrote: »

And ask the school for details of school performances, fairs etc. A bit of lateral thinking can apply a lot of pressure.

I'm not sure that schools would HAVE to give this information to grandparents, but it's often available on the school website. Certainly with my boys' secondary school, we were told that a newsletter would be produced at the start of each month, and we could download it freely if it didn't arrive home!

If there are serious concerns about the children's welfare, then a letter to the schools expressing these concerns might be worthwhile, but again, I'm not sure that the schools would HAVE to respond to the letter-writer.

There is also a risk of such actions further alienating the father and step-mother.

Does the oldest child see the younger ones, and does s/he have any worries?

CH27

dissy wrote: »

Hi
I would like to know what rights grandparents have if there child has died leaving grandchildren
A member of my family died 3 years ago, they were married and had 3 children.
Father has recently married and since the new partner moved in they have made it very difficult for the grandparents to see the children.
They have seeked some legal advice and the solicitor said "No rights at all"
I am surprised by this considering the circumstances.
The eldest child left home months ago so she is still seeing her nan and gramp.
Its not just the grandparents that have been cut off its all the mums relatives.
They have only seen the children a handfull of times since last August and only for 2 hours at a time
All communication has broken down as he kept promising them the children could go and see them and then would ring them up and say they were to busy.
Prior to him finding a new partner they were seeing the children daily.
Has anyone any experience on this.
Thanks

Does the eldest child still see the other children?
Is she worried about them?

flutterby_lil

The eldest child as in the 14 year old left home recently?

daska

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I'm not sure that schools would HAVE to give this information to grandparents, but it's often available on the school website. Certainly with my boys' secondary school, we were told that a newsletter would be produced at the start of each month, and we could download it freely if it didn't arrive home!

If there are serious concerns about the children's welfare, then a letter to the schools expressing these concerns might be worthwhile, but again, I'm not sure that the schools would HAVE to respond to the letter-writer.

There is also a risk of such actions further alienating the father and step-mother.

Does the oldest child see the younger ones, and does s/he have any worries?

I wouldn't suggest writing to the school, they won't be able to provide any information unless the person asking has responsibility for caring for the child (N.B. slightly off topic but getting info from schools does not depend on having parental responsibility even though some schools try to claim it does). But they will have summer fairs etc which are usually public access.

BitterAndTwisted

If all plausible blandishments in letters to see the children are rejected or ignored I would never give up my letter-writing. Not every parent can ensure that post is always diverted every single day and even then someone not related could pop something through the letter-box at an usual time. I would keep the invitations as subtle as possible to divert attention.

If all else fails I'd be standing outside the school-gates at finish-time even if that meant kids were being bundled into cars. At least then, the kids would know you're there, ready and willing.

This thread is upsetting me in ways I'm finding it difficult to describe, even to myself. Poor family and poor, poor children.

Gleek

flutterby_lil wrote: »

The eldest child as in the 14 year old left home recently?

No, there are three of them - the older must be 16+ I would think


I would be concerned that the children aren't allowed to mention their homelife.... has the oldest child been spoken to about the situation and let on about anything?

Best of luck.