Grandparents rights

gizmo111

Where does the 16 year old live and with who?
Has she said why she wants the younger children out of the family home asap?

dissy

gizmo111 wrote: »

Where does the 16 year old live and with who?
Has she said why she wants the younger children out of the family home asap?

She lives with the G/p.
There is anger there with her father as she has been made to look the bad one and obviously could not continue living at the family home.
I think she wants them out of there so she can see them.

daska

gizmo111 wrote: »

Where does the 16 year old live and with who?
Has she said why she wants the younger children out of the family home asap?

Good to see you on this thread Gizmo

BitterAndTwisted

She's 16, I daresay that she's been challenging the status quo at home and has now been rejected. Or left for the sake of her own well-being. It's perfectly understandable that she's keen for the others to to get out of there, not just because she can then have contact with them. I suspect that she's frightened for them. She's perfectly aware that the things that go on at home are not normal the way they were when her mother was alive and they ruddy-well don't sound anything approaching normal to me.



"The children told me back in the summer that they were only allowed food from the cupboards that was labelled by her as theirs."

There's so very much wrong with this. Normal, well-balanced, caring parents don't behave like this unless the kids have been constantly ransacking the place.



Do the parent belong to a church at all? I'm trying to think of an angle where the kids could disclose what's going on at home if they're being controlled and made unhappy.

Dissy, just keep writing, at any opportunity and for any plausible reason.

gizmo111

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

She's 16, I daresay that she's been challenging the status quo at home and has now been rejected. Or left for the sake of her own well-being. It's perfectly understandable that she's keen for the others to to get out of there, not just because she can then have contact with them. I suspect that she's frightened for them. She's perfectly aware that the things that go on at home are not normal the way they were when her mother was alive and they ruddy-well don't sound anything approaching normal to me.



"The children told me back in the summer that they were only allowed food from the cupboards that was labelled by her as theirs."

There's so very much wrong with this. Normal, well-balanced, caring parents don't behave like this unless the kids have been constantly ransacking the place.



Do the parent belong to a church at all? I'm trying to think of an angle where the kids could disclose what's going on at home if they're being controlled and made unhappy.

Dissy, just keep writing, at any opportunity and for any plausible reason.

The food thing is quite worrying as many abusers use food in various ways to control the child - and this can be a rollercoaster of depriving them food, force feeding them either huge amounts or things they hate - naturally leading to more punishment for wasting the food etc.

I'm a little concerned that somehow this thread has turned into a liekly cult problem that is clouding the issue.


The father of these children has been in the grandparents lives for many years and they must know him pretty well - is there any way that they can talk to him away from the wife? can they contact him at work - meet him for lunch - is there any possibility he is a victim of DV and is scared for his children at home if he discloses, and embarrassed and guilty of the situation he is in.
I would suggest if the above doesn't get any results that grandparents call social services to talk to the 16 year old who will in turn contact the school for the younger ones. The 16 yr old must be open and honest with professionals and will need the grandparents/aunty support to do this as despite everything she will still feel disloyal to her dad (and maybe even her mum's memory as they were a happy family) - is she still at school?
Are the grandparents claiming child benefit for the 16 year old?

dissy

gizmo111 wrote: »

The food thing is quite worrying as many abusers use food in various ways to control the child - and this can be a rollercoaster of depriving them food, force feeding them either huge amounts or things they hate - naturally leading to more punishment for wasting the food etc.

I'm a little concerned that somehow this thread has turned into a liekly cult problem that is clouding the issue.


The father of these children has been in the grandparents lives for many years and they must know him pretty well - is there any way that they can talk to him away from the wife? can they contact him at work - meet him for lunch - is there any possibility he is a victim of DV and is scared for his children at home if he discloses, and embarrassed and guilty of the situation he is in.
I would suggest if the above doesn't get any results that grandparents call social services to talk to the 16 year old who will in turn contact the school for the younger ones. The 16 yr old must be open and honest with professionals and will need the grandparents/aunty support to do this as despite everything she will still feel disloyal to her dad (and maybe even her mum's memory as they were a happy family) - is she still at school?
Are the grandparents claiming child benefit for the 16 year old?

I am sorry I can't highlight the important parts.
I have spent since sunday looking researching things from the links given and so much is tying in, new wife lived in America for 7 years she has no friends that I recall, she is petrfied of thunderstorms Why?
only thing not adding up is that as far as I am aware they did not get married in the kingdom hall. Although I don't know if they did and wether what a relative atttended may of been some type
of blessing.
Please tell me what you mean my DV?
G/P are not claiming the CB he is and is giving it to them which it looks like he is allowed to do this as it is being used for her welfare.
This has really scared me I thought to start of with this was just some nasty twisted woman who was a control freak.
I knew it was not drugs as she is in her fiftys and had asked the eldest
child.
I suppose we all thought they were just a bit mental but this to me is worse.
Thanks for your help.

dissy

Really don't think its DV as he is very close to his father and he fully supports all there actions towards everyone. Knowing them like I do I know he would not keep that away from all his family and friends, he had loads of support until she came along and then it was like he had a hit list picking people of sending e-mails to say basically stay away, don't send gifts and stay away from the children.
Also his stepmother is a nurse she would of picked up on this. They must have accepted he may of changed his faith as they are just too supportive of him.
They accused my uncle of being a liar when he told them "they had not been seeing the children"
They would not accept what he said.

daska

dissy wrote: »

I am sorry I can't highlight the important parts.
I have spent since sunday looking researching things from the links given and so much is tying in, new wife lived in America for 7 years she has no friends that I recall, she is petrfied of thunderstorms Why?
only thing not adding up is that as far as I am aware they did not get married in the kingdom hall. Although I don't know if they did and wether what a relative atttended may of been some type
of blessing.
Please tell me what you mean my DV?
G/P are not claiming the CB he is and is giving it to them which it looks like he is allowed to do this as it is being used for her welfare.
This has really scared me I thought to start of with this was just some nasty twisted woman who was a control freak.
I knew it was not drugs as she is in her fiftys and had asked the eldest
child.
I suppose we all thought they were just a bit mental but this to me is worse.
Thanks for your help.

What you've written suggests that you don't know that the suggestion he might have become involved with a cult is accurate. Yes, some of the behaviour fits but... it's a possibility, nothing more, it may be something else. All those links will give you is a modicum of understanding of problems bad enough for people to have written about them.

Do what Gizmo suggests.

esmy

I'm sorry I'm a bit confused so I've lots of questions.
I recall reading your post about this family back in the summer when your cousin had asked you to look after the younger children. You say that Grandparents have had a 'handful' of contacts since August, having been used to substantially more. Have the contacts since August included the ones where Dad has left them on their own for a couple of hours with GP's? How have the contacts been organised (call from GPs to Dad? Dad calls GPs? Do the children see their other GPs?
When did Dad and partner get married?
How do you know that the children have been told not to talk about their home life/ are restricted with food/ no visitors from Mums side of the family etc? Did the children tell you this? Did you hear it from someone else?
When you called Social Services in December what did you ask/tell them? Did you share your worries about the children? Have you thought about calling them back to find out what happened following your first call? Does Dad know you called them?
Sorry that's a lot of questions and you may not want to answer - but I think there could be all sorts of explanations for what's happening here from a drift away from maternal family after a remarriage to something more worrying. From what you post it doesn't look like contact has stopped altogether so I'd suggest GP's keep up whatever contact they can.
BTW I would not advise setting up any 'secret' means of contacting the children. This puts them in a very difficult position if they have been restricted by Dad from keeping in touch and the whole thing could blow up in your face.

gizmo111

dissy wrote: »

Really don't think its DV as he is very close to his father and he fully supports all there actions towards everyone. Knowing them like I do I know he would not keep that away from all his family and friends, he had loads of support until she came along and then it was like he had a hit list picking people of sending e-mails to say basically stay away, don't send gifts and stay away from the children.
Also his stepmother is a nurse she would of picked up on this. They must have accepted he may of changed his faith as they are just too supportive of him.
They accused my uncle of being a liar when he told them "they had not been seeing the children"
They would not accept what he said.

I'm not sure what else to say othert han what I have suggested before.
Just being close to his parents doesn't mean there may not be DV involved - a nurse could easily miss it - it doesn't have to be all bruises, black eyes and broken ribs, it can be much more subtle and manipulative. He may not even realise it himself! I am a trained social workerwith many years exp of DV and din't notice for a couple of years that a very close family member was being abused financially and emotionally.

I think your uncl needs to have a serious chat with the childrens fatehr and see what arrangements they can come up with that are suitable to all.
The 16 yr old is the key to the situation - has she mentioned religion or cults?