Splitting living costs with partner

Violet8

gillykms wrote: »

Apparently he has to be told to do things he can't just take the initiative as what I see as mess or dirt he may not see! But I know that if I start telling him what to do that will be seen as nagging! Oh well, he has promised to try harder but apparently I am just never happy and love to tell him he's not doing something good enough all the time.

Oh my goodness I think my bf is leading a double life as your bf! :P I'd imagine it's an issue in a lot of households. We have agreed that it is definitely a case of differing standards with us when it comes to chores and cleanliness- I'd look at something and despair at it being such a tip and he'd think there was still a month or so to go before he'd need to attend to it! We try to get around it by trying to pleasantly ask each other if we'd mind doing stuff about the house or asking the other to help with something/saying something like "would you mind doing X while I do Y?" rather than having it sound like a dig/nag (even if it really is!)- seems to work as it's a lot harder to say no to a polite and reasonable request. However what he tends to do is go on sprees where he's really good and I come across as a pig in comparison, then his enthusiasm wains and I get the blame for being a bit less gung-ho and putting him off keeping things clean, whereas I maintain my standards are more consistent!

When it comes to money, our place is mine so he pays no rent but half bills that goes into my account by direct debit. Works fine for us but then we are both of the mindset to keep our finances very separate for now- last year I amazed his friend by giving my bf 70p when I had asked him to get me some crisps from the bar in the pub. Given he knew we've been going out for years he found it dead strange and I suppose thinking about it a lot of people may think the same but it's the way things have panned out between us and I wouldn't dream of thinking cos I fancied a bag of crisps he'd pay for them!