Splitting living costs with partner

mgdavid

sorry to be blunt but you both sound a bit immature and clueless. If you are a couple, start acting like a couple - you *share* everything, that's EVERYTHING - the money, the chores, the talking, the ideas, the holidays, the decisions, LIFE. Yours sounds like a very odd arrangement to me; (then again I'm odd too - been married to same person almost 40 years!)

burnoutbabe

i don't chanrge the boyfriend any rent as its my house and i don't want any issues with equity sharing ever. But he does save what he would pay in rent into a "joint house purchase" savings account.

With presents, i buy my family, him his and same with whoevers side of he family.friends a wedding is I'd pay half the holiday costs for a wedding, assuming it was somewhere I didn't object to going.

I don't contribute towards his car but i only benefit for trips to shops at weekend. He benefits by having me on the insurance and saving a bomb. And i do share the costs for long distance journeys.

I did say we would review the mothly charge (for council tax/sky etc) after a year, as these costs do rise. so that sounds sensible to adjust every so often.

katiefinger

Sooki wrote: »

I tend to find people that don't drive are pretty clueless and thoughtless and expect a lot off people who do.

Gosh, really? As a non-driver I can absolutely promise that I am not, and I don't. If anything I'm the complete opposite.

gilly, it's time for him to start getting the bus. He is taking the proverbial and you need to put your foot down and get it (everything) sorted before it becomes habit and the relationship shrivels up due to your resentment of his need for being looked after. To be honest though it just sounds like he needs a bit of training (it is possible, if you're willing to work hard at it ) ...

Good luck!

Sooki

katiefinger wrote: »

Gosh, really? As a non-driver I can absolutely promise that I am not, and I don't. If anything I'm the complete opposite.



!

Sorry I probably worded it really badly! I didn't mean all I meant 'some'.

tescobabe69

mgdavid wrote: »

sorry to be blunt but you both sound a bit immature and clueless. If you are a couple, start acting like a couple - you *share* everything, that's EVERYTHING - the money, the chores, the talking, the ideas, the holidays, the decisions, LIFE. Yours sounds like a very odd arrangement to me; (then again I'm odd too - been married to same person almost 40 years!)

Alien concept, apparently (only 31 years us) my missus owes me £123,456.78.

mgdavid

tescobabe69 wrote: »

Alien concept, apparently (only 31 years us) my missus owes me £123,456.78.

...I'm sure she's worth every penny, mine's worth her weight in gold :-)

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

My opinion:

Dump him.

You know you want to.

74jax

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Are you his partner or his Mum?

If you were his Mum it would be perfecllty OK to expect him to pay a fair amount a month for his keep adn be ferried about. That's what Mums sometimes do. As he is your partner, allegedly, and if he really is a free - loader, if or when you split up he could put forward quite a convincing argument as to how he should be entitled to a share of the equity in your property. Is that what you thought you were sharing with him? As that is precisely what you are doing.

If you see a future together then I think this needs sorted now. have you mentioned anything to him?

Regarding the lift, am I right in thinking he asked and you said yes? i don't think this is free loading at all. If my OH asked this I probably would do it and continue to do it, if either of us moved jobs etc we'd then look at it again, but I think he could well be in the dark about much of what you are asking us about.

gillykms

Thanks again for the rest of the replies guys. I am in the middle of writing down everything I have issues with so I have it all in front of me and it is clear in my head when I discuss it with him tonight.

In the car during his lift to work this morning without me prompting him he said I could have a lie in tomorrow morning and he will get the bus. I said thank you and that infact I was fed up of taking him in full stop as I am off work these 2 weeks and it was unfair and ridiculous that I had to do it when there is a bus stop right outside our house and I am not getting any money for petrol. He didn't say anything after that. I then said I was abit fed up generally with other things & he said to tell him what to do to make things right. He then got out of the car and slammed the door.

Maybe I am immature and clueless as someone said but this is my biggest most important relationship to date and the first time I have ever lived with a partner so it is all a learning curve and I really value all your input from your own experiences (especially to those who have been married for many many years, I admire you!)

I just know that when I tell him all my issues that he will say they are petty and small but I think its just the fact that there are so many tiny things making one bigger issue that is where I am coming from and I hope he can see it like that.

Peater

He pays you a pittance in rent, you ferry him around and he has the audacity to throw a teenaged 'wobbly' about going to your friend's wedding? Lad needs to shape-up or ship-out.

'He doesn't like the bus' - Yeah? Too bad. That's usally a motivation in normal people to get a bike or a car.....