DMP & Mutual Support Thread - Part 8

Hopelessly_Hopeful

AmyV wrote: »

Oh Grant, I do hope you tell your wife. My husband hid his debts from me for about 5 years. I knew there was something not quite right, but could never put my finger on it and we ended up having massive rows when he refused to tell me what was wrong. I thought there was some money issue but couldn't work out what as he hid the post etc.

It was the deception and lies that was the most upsetting for me!

Eventually though he reached the point that many on here have done where there is no longer any more credit. He had absolutely nowhere else to turn. So one day he plucked up courage and told me because he thought there was nothing left to lose as he would lose me anyway if he was made bankrupt. He also thought he had let our little girl down massively and kept having recurring nightmares of her in rags.

He had no idea how much he owed but expected it was about £70K ... turned out to be nearer double that.

It was a massive, massive shock when he told me, but I cannot tell you the relief I felt that I had FINALLY found out the truth!!! He thought he would lose me if he told me, but there is no way I would ever do that! All I thought was at last I could help him!! I actually had a feeling of elation.

I came on MSE to ask about remortgaging (although there wasn't that much money in our house!) and someone told me to go to CCCS and talk to them about DMPs. I spoke to them first (floods of tears, trying to talk through snot etc ;-) and then I persuaded him to phone. Since then we have never looked back.

We've had our ups and downs with creditors and in the beginning I was terrified, but nothing that couldn't be sorted, and it meant I could help him through it. I'm not saying I am an angel, I have been angry sometimes and shouted at him about how he got in the mess, but I also think on some level I must have known his pay wasn't covering all the meals / gadgets etc!

To be honest, and it sounds corny, now I know there is no big secret he is keeping from me I am sure we get on loads better and are stronger for it (sorry if you needed a sick bag at that point ;-)) )

We're now half way through the DMP. None of the debt was mine, so I am not included in the DMP, but I treat it as mine as we are in it together.

Good luck with it all and let us know how you get on!

Thanks for sharing that Amy. What a wonderful post, brought a tear to my eye. I think your well balanced post of compassion and practical aspects will support and inspire many others. Good luck with your own journey:A

HHx

Time_to_face_the_music

AmyV wrote: »

Oh Grant, I do hope you tell your wife. My husband hid his debts from me for about 5 years. I knew there was something not quite right, but could never put my finger on it and we ended up having massive rows when he refused to tell me what was wrong. I thought there was some money issue but couldn't work out what as he hid the post etc.

It was the deception and lies that was the most upsetting for me!

Eventually though he reached the point that many on here have done where there is no longer any more credit. He had absolutely nowhere else to turn. So one day he plucked up courage and told me because he thought there was nothing left to lose as he would lose me anyway if he was made bankrupt. He also thought he had let our little girl down massively and kept having recurring nightmares of her in rags.

He had no idea how much he owed but expected it was about £70K ... turned out to be nearer double that.

It was a massive, massive shock when he told me, but I cannot tell you the relief I felt that I had FINALLY found out the truth!!! He thought he would lose me if he told me, but there is no way I would ever do that! All I thought was at last I could help him!! I actually had a feeling of elation.

I came on MSE to ask about remortgaging (although there wasn't that much money in our house!) and someone told me to go to CCCS and talk to them about DMPs. I spoke to them first (floods of tears, trying to talk through snot etc ;-) and then I persuaded him to phone. Since then we have never looked back.

We've had our ups and downs with creditors and in the beginning I was terrified, but nothing that couldn't be sorted, and it meant I could help him through it. I'm not saying I am an angel, I have been angry sometimes and shouted at him about how he got in the mess, but I also think on some level I must have known his pay wasn't covering all the meals / gadgets etc!

To be honest, and it sounds corny, now I know there is no big secret he is keeping from me I am sure we get on loads better and are stronger for it (sorry if you needed a sick bag at that point ;-)) )

We're now half way through the DMP. None of the debt was mine, so I am not included in the DMP, but I treat it as mine as we are in it together.

Good luck with it all and let us know how you get on!

Before Mr TTFTM and I started our DMP, I used to try and "protect" him from knowing how bad things were and spent too much time trying to "fix" things on my own. Am sure everyone is familiar with the if we can just struggle on for a few months more, if we can sell some stuff, if we win the lottery scenarios, aka burying our heads in the sand

He obviously knew we were in loads of debt because he had noticed we were living in a house that looked (and still looks) like a building site but he didn't know quite how bad things were. To be honest, I didn't actually know quite how much we owed either and guessed at around £50 to 60K so £81,306 came as a bit of a shock to me too

When the LBM finally came and we sat and talked about it all for literally days, it was a huge relief for me and a reality check for him and he was immediately onboard with the whole life change that a DMP involves. It has made us closer because now we share everything to do with managing the debt and now so much pressure is off, life is generally better, we laugh more, sleep well etc. Living on a budget isn't always easy but managing the debt together is and we are most definitely in it together

Superb post Amy, very honest, totally open and absolutely inspiring. You and Mr V must make a fantastic team :T

grant1wish

Thanks,

Those posts make a lot of sense and do help. I know I am going to have to approach it very soon, the post this morning may well tell the wife anyway. I still feel so ashamed about it all, and I just hope my wife will understand eventually.

One quick question, am trying to set up a new basic account, rant Natwest but it sounds like they credit check.

G1W

savvysass

grant1wish wrote: »

Thanks,

Those posts make a lot of sense and do help. I know I am going to have to approach it very soon, the post this morning may well tell the wife anyway. I still feel so ashamed about it all, and I just hope my wife will understand eventually.

One quick question, am trying to set up a new basic account, rant Natwest but it sounds like they credit check.

G1W

We were accepted with Natwest for their basic account no problem and our credit rating is far from perfect x

Growurown

Tigsmom wrote: »

Isn't it annoying when your wages are wrong?

Oh yes! Salary has gone in today thank goodness, the car was runnining on fumes. The overtime will arrive at the end of October now so this will have to be a frugal month. Luckily we have a quiet month now so should be able to do it. Except OH wants new shoes:eek:

Lotus345

Hi all,

I have just received my Payplan application today having £25k in unsecured debt that I simply cannot afford to keep paying.

Unfortunately approx £3000 of this is owed between Quickquid, Wonga and Everyday Loans and all payments are due to them this Friday 28th.

Now all 3 have my works telephone and I'm massively concerned they are going to keep calling there, I work in a factory and it's practically unheard of for a shop floor worker to get a phone call unless it's an emergency.

Has anyone any advice on how best to deal with this? I am going to ring all three before the payment date and explain the situation and also send out the template letters from Payplan. Will they only ring work if they cannot reach my mobile or home phone or am I guaranteed to receive calls at work no matter what I do?

Any advice at all would be so much appreciated, I'm sick with worry about it as the company isn't doing well and something like this would be very much frowned upon.

Thanks again.

Hopelessly_Hopeful

Lotus345 wrote: »

Hi all,

I have just received my Payplan application today having £25k in unsecured debt that I simply cannot afford to keep paying.

Unfortunately approx £3000 of this is owed between Quickquid, Wonga and Everyday Loans and all payments are due to them this Friday 28th.

Now all 3 have my works telephone and I'm massively concerned they are going to keep calling there, I work in a factory and it's practically unheard of for a shop floor worker to get a phone call unless it's an emergency.

Has anyone any advice on how best to deal with this? I am going to ring all three before the payment date and explain the situation and also send out the template letters from Payplan. Will they only ring work if they cannot reach my mobile or home phone or am I guaranteed to receive calls at work no matter what I do?

Any advice at all would be so much appreciated, I'm sick with worry about it as the company isn't doing well and something like this would be very much frowned upon.

Thanks again.

Hi Lotus.

Well done on moving forward on DMP.

Your calls will be in vain.... they are not to be trusted.

BUT

There are things on your side..... You need to send them the template for your dmp (loads on here and national debtline site) You need to make sure you have a seperate paragraph about no calls, only contact in writting and if they do not pay heed to that you will report them without doubt to the FOS. Send the letter registered post and also make reference to that in the letter.


Im sure you arent the only person at work worried about this. Just refuse to go through security details on the phone, tell the preditors to address you in writting and put the phone down.

If it happens apologise to work, say you know work is your priority and you are taking steps to make it clear you are not to be contacted at work.

Let us know how you get on.

HHx

chunkybutcheeky

Hi All,

I'm logging on at work, so apologies, I do want to reply to some of your posts, but it's difficult to read back and type IYKWIM! G1W, please tell your wife. I have some experience of being kept in the dark and honestly, being told was so much better to deal with, than knowing something was wrong, which your wife probably will. Good luck, hope it goes ok, I'm sure it will

So far today I have had 4 missed calls and 3 text messages from 3 of my creditors asking me to contact them immediately, make immediate payment, etc etc.

I have sent them all template letters by recorded delivery advising them that CCCS will be dealing with this on my behalf, so I'm just ignoring the calls. Mainly because I can't answer and talk privately at work, and secondly because I'm a big scaredy cat and I'm worried about what they will say. Will they stop calling eventually?

CCCS have been fab, now all set up with first payment on 1st November. This means I need to send token payments again, therefore another missed payment.

But I have been sleeping, budget planning and actually enjoying searching out the bargains ready for payday!!!! Light at the end of a very long dark tunnel.

Hopelessly_Hopeful

chunkybutcheeky wrote: »

Hi All,

I'm logging on at work, so apologies, I do want to reply to some of your posts, but it's difficult to read back and type IYKWIM! G1W, please tell your wife. I have some experience of being kept in the dark and honestly, being told was so much better to deal with, than knowing something was wrong, which your wife probably will. Good luck, hope it goes ok, I'm sure it will

So far today I have had 4 missed calls and 3 text messages from 3 of my creditors asking me to contact them immediately, make immediate payment, etc etc.

I have sent them all template letters by recorded delivery advising them that CCCS will be dealing with this on my behalf, so I'm just ignoring the calls. Mainly because I can't answer and talk privately at work, and secondly because I'm a big scaredy cat and I'm worried about what they will say. Will they stop calling eventually?

CCCS have been fab, now all set up with first payment on 1st November. This means I need to send token payments again, therefore another missed payment.

But I have been sleeping, budget planning and actually enjoying searching out the bargains ready for payday!!!! Light at the end of a very long dark tunnel.

Sounds like you are making great progress CBC.

The calls will settle. Dont forget it is within your right to tell them you only want communications in writting and will report them for harrassment to the FOS should they not take heed.

Now some of us relatively old timers would relish a call.......to see how they can help us further for one. Knowledge is power. If you start asking them question and question again they soon want to put the phone down on you, trust me on this one

HHx

Time_to_face_the_music

Lotus345 wrote: »

Hi all,

I have just received my Payplan application today having £25k in unsecured debt that I simply cannot afford to keep paying.

Unfortunately approx £3000 of this is owed between Quickquid, Wonga and Everyday Loans and all payments are due to them this Friday 28th.

Now all 3 have my works telephone and I'm massively concerned they are going to keep calling there, I work in a factory and it's practically unheard of for a shop floor worker to get a phone call unless it's an emergency.

Has anyone any advice on how best to deal with this? I am going to ring all three before the payment date and explain the situation and also send out the template letters from Payplan. Will they only ring work if they cannot reach my mobile or home phone or am I guaranteed to receive calls at work no matter what I do?

Any advice at all would be so much appreciated, I'm sick with worry about it as the company isn't doing well and something like this would be very much frowned upon.

Thanks again.

Hi Lotus345 and welcome :hello:

Is there one person or an office in work who is responsible for answering the phones? If so, could you have a word and ask them not to accept any calls for you? I don't have any experience with pay day loan companies but all of our creditors always phoned at home, neither of us ever had a call at work and just one or two on our mobiles.

Have you changed your bank account to ensure no money can be taken out on Friday?

Well done on starting to get your situation sorted and fingers crossed that you don't have too much hassle from these creditors.