what would you doin this situation? thoughts please!

Acc72

As others have said, anything other than option 4.

Also, choose to save for either a deposit or a wedding.

If you try to do both you will possibly not achieving either - at least by focusing on one only you stand a better chance of achieving your goal.

lostinrates

His mother is clearly telling you what she would need for it to work for her, and it's tantamount to you not being there. It's not going to work in your circumstances I think. Dh and I lived wi my parents for a while, but on a very different basis. His mother is right to say what she would expect and you would be right to say now you can't do it on that basis.

adamantine

is there a reason why MIL doesnt want you to do all those things? if you can talk to her and she is reasonable enough and understands that its just not possible for you to live there with those rules then try it for a couple months see how it goes. you can always move out.

i wouldnt like to be a couple sharing with other people and i wouldnt like strangers living with me and my children so the other options are no-go's for me personally.

i think you need to pick whatever one is more important to you (the house or the wedding) and put the other on the back burner for a while. rather than split your savings over the 2 of them focus on saving for 1 and once thats achieved focus on the next goal.

supermezzo

You'll spend anything you save by using the launderette, eating out, going out etc if you move in with the MIL, IMO.

chloo

adamantine wrote: »

is there a reason why MIL doesnt want you to do all those things? if you can talk to her and she is reasonable enough and understands that its just not possible for you to live there with those rules then try it for a couple months see how it goes. you can always move out.

i wouldnt like to be a couple sharing with other people and i wouldnt like strangers living with me and my children so the other options are no-go's for me personally.

i think you need to pick whatever one is more important to you (the house or the wedding) and put the other on the back burner for a while. rather than split your savings over the 2 of them focus on saving for 1 and once thats achieved focus on the next goal.

thank you all for your replies!

with regards to the weddding that wont be until 2016 but hopefully buying a house in 2014 where i am a 2 bed flat is £180000-£200000!! so a lot of money we want say a £25000 deposit and to have like £5000 for the wedding we dont want a to lavish wedding and the £5000 will include a honeymoon too!! then its saving for a baby!!!

thank you for all of your replies!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Postpone the wedding and do anything BUT move in with your BF's mother. It's her last chance of getting him away from you. Don't let her.

*Louise*

Well, one good thing I will say about your MIL is at least she has told you the ground rules in advance, so you haven't moved in then gotten a nasty shock.

It sounds like the worst option anyway, moneysaving is all very well, but not at the cost of family and partner relationships.

Option number 1 sounds like it easily ticks all the boxes, do you know the woman or lady you mention in option 1 and 2? If you don't then I would perhaps ask for a visit for a cuppa and check what they are both like before making a final decision.

make_me_wise

My advice is to go for the sensible financial/emotional option and move into a house share. Any of the first 3 solutions you mentioned sound fine.

The sooner you can be on the property ladder the better. So although it would be nice to just have a place for the two of you, financially it makes sense to do a flat share and get a deposit together quicker.

I would advise against moving in with your partners mum at all costs. Assuming that one day you want to settle down with this guy, I would do all you can to maintain a reasonably good relationship with the woman. Moving into her home and trying to live by her over the top rules and restrictions could be the nail in the coffin of even the strongest of relationships by what you advise us about her.

I also cannot stand women who mother their grown up sons. Thankfully my hubby tells my mil where to go when she tries that on with him. My bil in his mid 30s still gets mil to do his washing and ironing and when he is poorly she spoon feeds the muppet medicine. Talk about no self respect!

pelirocco

You also need to look at how much you are looking to save , a deposit on a house is going to run into thousands of £s . So ruling out sharing with the inlaws the difference between renting your own place £880 and the cheapest flat share ( £400) is £480 / month = £5760 year 1 , £11520 yr 2 , £17280 yr 3 etc


Could you flat share with someone for that long ? its not ideal for a couple

universalady_2

Do you actually need to get married? I only say that, cos I was in your position, and it was more important that we could afford to live somewhere sooner rather than later than live with the parents in law.... If we'd have saved up to get married, we'd never have afforded a deposit to get a house. Surely any savings for your wedding can be put towards a deposit and when you've got somewhere, then save up for a wedding?