New House with OH, advice needed please!

belfastgirl23

I would also want to get to the bottom of why he is behaving like this. He needs to understand that how you choose to look is part of you, your unique personality, and if he can't accept who you are then this is clearly an issue.

that said, perhaps he is also feeling this is potentially a slippery slope for you. I wonder if what might help is that you each have a personal budget that you can spend on whatever you want, no questions asked, as well as joint budgets for things you agree are priorities.

As for the car, if you are a lone female who travels a lot then you want something that feels safe and is reliable. I'm presuming you're planning to drive it for a number of years as well. There is not necessarily any advantage in selling one car to buy another.

I do think you need to come to some kind of agreement on this. If you're together for the long term then this kind of issue will come up again, when you're taking maternity leave or perhaps get ill or made redundant (hopefully the latter won't happen but you never know). So you need to establish your 'do not cross' lines now.

Good Luck.

cte1111

I had to read this one a few times to be sure I'd understood it correctly. Evidently from other people's responses I have.

OK, if you and your partner were short of money with mounting debts, then the areas that you've discussed are looking like good cuts to consider. However this doesn't seem to be the situation, e.g. you can afford to spend £100 a month on beauty / hair / weightwatchers so why not?

I'll be kind to your partner and presume that he just didn't realise until your chat, how much some things cost. I think my husband was similarly innocent of the cost of women's hair colouring / cutting at a nice salon until he married me. But he wouldn't dream of telling me not to spend it!

I think you need a follow up conversation to see if he really meant it. If it were me, I would be quite vocal on the need not to discuss our personal finances in front of his mother or any one else.
I hope you manage to sort this out, agreeing to differ on what to spend your spare cash on is probably what most of us do, it's good to talk but not always to agree.

Gem_

I would never spend £60 on a haircut etc but at the same time ... really watch yourself and how you handle this. A power imbalance in a relationship starts very slowly and can creap towards something terrifyingly dangerous. I hope that you can find a way to reassure him and build more confidence in your partnership so that things work out really well for both of you.

Gem

Errata

But I just don't understand why it's come up now

I do - he's just realised he's now got the biggest debt of his life, a mortgage, and it's frightened the hell out of him and he's running round like a headless chicken. A calm talk through should sort things out, but only if you stick to what his feelings are about the mortgage and your spends. The amounts are immaterial, it's the feelings about them that are important.

Any

If you had financial trouble or he was subsidising you while you were spending on luxuries you cannot afford I wouldn't say a word...but in this case I will...
No one ever is going to be telling me how to spend my spare money and how I look!! If you have a problem with that mate, there is the door!!!!!!

What a cheek!!!

Any

Errata wrote: »

I do - he's just realised he's now got the biggest debt of his life, a mortgage, and it's frightened the hell out of him and he's running round like a headless chicken. A calm talk through should sort things out, but only if you stick to what his feelings are about the mortgage and your spends. The amounts are immaterial, it's the feelings about them that are important.

They both do-and she is putting money away and has safety net savings.
I personaly can't see that.
And if that is his worry and he is making such a demands, then I would worry about his reactions in future!!
Bread and beans every night for tea should a child come perhaps??

Oldernotwiser

This is probably just me being nosy but can I ask what your job is that you earn such a high salary only two years out of university?

MissFairy

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

This is probably just me being nosy but can I ask what your job is that you earn such a high salary only two years out of university?

I'm an Officer in the Forces, as is he. Depends what people class as high salary, but in comparison to my peers I am doing OK.

inch_high

Control freak. Will all end in tears...