New House with OH, advice needed please!

BugglyB

doodoot wrote: »

If you are managing to pay all the bills AND put money into savings, I would tell him to eff off.

YOUR money is yours to do with whatever you want, so long as it doesn't impact on other spending.

He was happy for you to look nice for him BEFORE the house move, but now he wants you to stop getting your hair done, visit the beautician and stop watching your weight....plus stop spending money.

2 words...controlling behaviour.

Well, not necessarily. Some men (especially those without sisters) genuinely think that we women are slim and perfectly groomed with no effort or expense whatsoever! Perhaps he didnt realise how much it costs to keep his lady looking so lovely.

Gillyx

What exactly is he proposing you do with all the extra cash if you cut back on all those things?

romylou_2

I didn't want to read and run either:D

I have been married for 3 fantastic years, when we got together we sat down together opened a joint account for all household bills. He earns more than me so pays in a little bit more:o

We also have our own separate bank accounts. I don't question what he buys for himself, and he doesn't get on at me for my shopping habits.

At the end of the day, as long as we have a roof over our heads and all the bills are paid every month, that is all that matters. It makes for a very happy marriage:D.

doodoot

BugglyB wrote: »

Well, not necessarily. Some men (especially those without sisters) genuinely think that we women are slim and perfectly groomed with no effort or expense whatsoever! Perhaps he didnt realise how much it costs to keep his lady looking so lovely.

That isn't the reason he gave though, he's told OP that she doesn't need to do anything anymore now that she's 'got' him. :eek:

That just sounds completely bizarre in my book and smacks of control.

lifeisgood

OP, ask yourself if you would happily and instantly give up these treats if your income suddenly dropped for any reason. If you would do so, then reassure your OH of this. If he has always been careful with money, then he may be worried that you would both run into problems if you fell pregnant or one of you was ill or redundant.

Don't start worrying at this stage that he is turning into a control freak.

Lovelyjoolz

Agree with other posters - I would be concerned about this. Not just because he's being a tight-wad, but because it definitely feels like he's trying to control you. Try and make sure that's not the case.

Sit down with him and agree on an amount you are both happy with paying into the joint account each month to cover bills / savings / holidays etc. Ideally, it should be an equal amount so neither feels put out (equal either in terms of you both putting in the same % of salary or, say, £600 a month each - whichever feels right for you.).

Then tell him that what is left in your personal account after that is yours and what you spend it on is your business. Same for his residual balance. And that you won't comment if he buys too many dvds/comics/lads mags/beer/whatever each month and in turn, he's not allowed to comment on your haircare/beautician bill.

I expect he's just on a mission right now, perhaps to get the mortgage paid off early, or just to prove to himself that you can still afford to have the lovely house AND go on holiday AND have a nice little nestegg. Ask him what his motives are behind all this cost-cutting and remind him that thrify is lovely, but you have to be able to treat yourself once in a while if you have the money.

Dinah93

£1000 a month is a fantastic amount to put into savings. There is no point portioning money off for spending if you're not supposed to spend it. Life is far too short to just spend your evenings watching your bank balance, you seem to have a healthy attitude, having something set aside for a rainy day is wise, living as though you should be trading your house in for an ark when the skies are clear is raving madness.

MissFairy

Thanks for the responses Guys and Girls.

I am going to sit him down tonight to talk because he is being completely ridiculous! (I knew it wasn't just me!!)

Agree with you BugglyB, not wanting to sound horrible but his mam and sister are quite plain and don't pay that much attention to how they look (and that’s fine for some women), however myself, mam and sister are quite glamorous in comparison!!

I am hoping he was joking about not having to bother with my appearance, I do it for myself not so other men chat me up!! I think there is a slight underlying issue with jealousy (I go away a lot with my job) and I am very independent which, in my opinion he was attracted to in the first place so can't complain!! But I just don't understand why it's come up now we are living under the same roof. He's very keen to pay off the mortgage as quick as possible and he has said stuff about wanting his future children to want for nothing. But I just think not at the expense of my lifestyle right now! I'm only 23 for goodness sake!!

And I shall be keeping my bank statements under wraps from now on! Thought I was doing the right thing by being honest and open but I think its caused more trouble than its worth!!

Sorry for just whinging!! But I am very grateful for your responses; you've put my mind at rest that I am not a total lunatic.

Fairy

Alisha2008

romylou wrote: »

I didn't want to read and run either:D

I have been married for 3 fantastic years, when we got together we sat down together opened a joint account for all household bills. He earns more than me so pays in a little bit more:o

We also have our own separate bank accounts. I don't question what he buys for himself, and he doesn't get on at me for my shopping habits.

At the end of the day, as long as we have a roof over our heads and all the bills are paid every month, that is all that matters. It makes for a very happy marriage:D.

I'm not married but we have exactly the same arrangement, and works very well. It's also fair.

My experience with "our money" is a very negative one (speciall if the relationship has to end), so I won't go there again!!

ziggy2004

I would be concerned about his behaviour too and would nip it in the bud right now.

We have joint money but within reason have always had the liberty to spent as we please. When money has been tight we could not spent that much and when it was not it was less of an issue. But at no point has either of us felt the need to tell the other to stop spending it has always been a joint conclusion when looking over our budget.