New House with OH, advice needed please!

DCFC79

Its your money you have earnt so your free to spend it how you wish or save it if you so wish.

Pee

I don't know whether he is being controlling or not, but if I was you I would be sure that you don't feel controlled before getting married or having children with him.

It seems to me that you have different views about money although they are both on the reasonable spectrum. I don't see any harm in you paying what you do for your hair because you can save £1,000 a month and because you can afford it. If you had no money left over at the end of the month to be honest I would be telling you that you could cut this as a corner.

Don't revel in his jealousy. If he has issues with jealousy then you need to reassure him. A caring partner would make him feel safe despite the fact she is independent and sometimes goes away with work. I am in this position and I don't feel good and think I must be such a catch if I notice a glimmer of jealousy, in fact there isn't any either way with us now, we both make sure the other knows that it is not an issue.

That said I feel very strongly that my money is my money. I will pay for what we both need and I will make sure that he has plenty of treats, but no one had better tell me what I should spend my money on.

I would sort this out now. In particular if you have children, will you be able to afford weight watchers and that might be a bigger issue to you then. Will you still want the same hair care. What would happen if he loses his job?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Pee wrote: »

... If he has issues with jealousy then you need to reassure him. A caring partner would make him feel safe despite the fact she is independent and sometimes goes away with work.
....

Nonsense. She is not responsible for him being like that - that's the internal dialogue of domestic abuse.

January20

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I'd be very concerned at any man that tried to stop me looking after my appearance (with money I had earned and could afford). And not on the grounds of money, on the grounds of control. Especially with a MIL that obviously fuels this.

This above! This is the first thing that sprung to mind: it's all to do with you looking good. So now you've got him you don't have to look good? He doesn't think you want to look good and dress nicely just for yourself?

If you agree to these cuts, what else will you have to give up? What has he given up that he doesn't need to do now he has you?

Be careful. Be very careful.

Sambucus_Nigra

If the joint bills are paid and you are saving; then the rest if your money and he needs to butt out.

Make sure he doesn't suggest taking control of the finances...you might find yourself on a short leash soon enough.

Nip it in the bud now and tell him the way it's going to be; if and only if you decide to settle down properly and have a family; or one of you loses a job, and there's a good reason to draw the purse strings in then you are happy to do so; but as it is, now is not that time.

And when you feel it starting to get a little scarey, don't be afraid to get the heck out of there.

tesuhoha

Perhaps he has a point. Maybe you should cut back a bit and start saving for a rainy day - in an escape/run away account.

pearl123

At the end of the day may women do spend on their appearance. Moisturisers, makeup etc. As long as you are not in debt, how you spend your money is only your business. Your OH suggestion that you don't spend on your appearance sounds mean and possibly rather controlling. Don't give up on the things that make you feel good.

If my partner had said the same to me " I'd be inclined to say that if he wants a partner who does not spend money on their apperance then perhaps he should have a relationship with a similar minded bloke!"

As others have suggested keep you bank account statement and personal spending private.

pinkclouds

BugglyB wrote: »

No doubt there will be people along shortly to say that we and our partners dont love each other properly, there is no 'your money' and 'my money' just 'our money', etc

Okay, there is no "your" and "my" money just "our" money. Having said that...

I would *never* tolerate my husband telling me that I can't get a haircut - assuming we weren't in some financial crisis and/or riddled with debt. The OP saves 1k per month. Their/her outgoings are clearly affordable and I can only agree with the OP's OH's description of himself. She should not have to hide the fact that she does to the hairdresser! Or any other perfectly reasonable shopping/spending activity.

**Patty**

OK, from a purely moneysaving angle:

£60 at the Hairdressers. Now this seems a lot to me BUT it depends very much on where you live. I'm now in the Midlands but if you live in London or the M4 corridor then i'd say he should be grateful it only costs that
£20 at the beauticians. Very reasonable....even in the grimy midlands its a tenner to get your eyebrows waxed decently.
£20 at WW. Again reasonable. I could spend more than that on magazines at the Stupidmarket in a month. And i probably wouldn't read half of them.
The car. Does he drive? If he does & he has his own car...tell him you pick yours & he can pick his. Until he needs to pay for yours then he can do one. Now i'm weird about cars......but no way would my OH ever pick a car for me nor tell me what i could drive.
Clothes. You could sell some on Ebay or at a dress agency.....of course using the proceeds to buy more.....or you could do what every sensible woman would do & buy more shoes Well you're not spending on clothes then

ali-t

OP, I would be tempted to say to him that I would give it a try his way just to see how you get on but don't commit to it forever.

Then I would first stop waxing/shaving legs, then stop tending to my bikini line and armpits (I would keep going to the hairdressers and beauticians for the visible stuff). Once he sees you in all your glory and you say you aren't in the mood for sex because you don't feel attractive, he will most likely relent, realise his idea was stupid and back off.

the other option is to tell him to p1ss off and count some of his own pennies because yours are none of his business.