Struggling Now - Prem Baby

Lucy1973

Have no experience but just wanted to send you massive hugs xxxx

toniq

Lots of hugs xxxxxxxxx

Curlywurli

I haven't got any experience of what you're going through but I know someone who had pre eclampsia. It was so bad that the mum had to be put into a coma when the child was born. The child is now in Junior school and the mum went on successfully to have two more children x

the_barretts

Everything you are feeling is NORMAL, it is all part of the giving birth/grieving for your pregnany/guilt at what you have done process.

You have to go through it to get over it, hard as it is to see now but there is everything still in front of you - PLEASE dont spend all your time looking back at what has been because you miss the things passing you by.

Talking or writing things down is a great way of expressing what you feel and what you need, dont bottle it up - making people aware lets them help you and support you.

Keep a diary, find a preemie online community to support you and above all KEEP going, it does get easier, in time - mum to a 25 1/2 weeker here who is now 11 and the shining light in our lives.

If you need just someone to rant at then send me a message and I will stand there and take the shouting - I've been there darling, it's a very scary place but NEVER give up!

Something I found a great comfort (although I am not a bible basher!) is the poem below - sorry its so long but I want you to understand that you are up for this job... motherhood that is!

Karen
xXx

The Special Mother

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit. This year thousands of mothers will give birth to a premature baby. Did you ever wonder how mothers of preemies are chosen?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

“Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron saint, Matthew."

“Forest, Majorie, daughter. Patron saint, Ceceila."

“Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron saint… give her Gerard. He’s used to profanity."

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, “Give her a premature baby.”

The angel is curious. “Why this one, God? She’s so happy.”

“Exactly,” smiles God. “Could I give a premature baby a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel.”

“But does she have patience?” asks the angel.

“I don’t want her to have too much patience, or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she’ll handle it.”

“I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence that are so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I’m going to give her has his own world. She has to make it live in her world and that’s not going to be easy.”

“But, Lord, I don’t think she even believes in you.”

God smiles, “No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.”

The angel gasps, “Selfishness? Is that a virtue?”

God nods. “If she can’t separate herself from the child occasionally, she’ll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child who comes in a less than perfect way. She doesn’t realize it yet, but she is to be envied.”

“She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says ‘Mommy’ for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.”

“I will permit her to see clearly the things I see - ignorance, cruelty, prejudice - and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.”

“And what about her patron saint?” asks the angel, the pen poised in mid-air.

God smiles. ”A mirror will suffice.”

-Adapted from
Erma Bombeck
Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession

nattyt

You could be me writing this 6 years a go. My daughter was born at 30 weeks but as I was always unsure of when I conceived and because of her breathing difficulties they thought i was probably more like 28 weeks. Like you I felt fine but was told the same- extreme pre-eclampsia and they had to deliver by emergency c-section. So before you even have had your baby there is all the stress of that! Then the expressing totally takes it out of you. And the back and forth to the hospital everyday. And of course the whole reason for it all your teeny tiny prem baby. Of course you are upset. I think I cried everyday until she was 1. Not actually because I was sad but because I was just so damn tired. Because I felt like all my choices had been taken away (obviously rightly so!) as I had this whole perfect idea of what it was going to be like and it wasn't. Like you said in one of your posts its also the worry- what else is going to happen? I can remember when my daughter was about 36 hours old and they came in and said she had a collapsed lung. It was the start of a long line of things- 2 holes in her heart (both closed up on their own), severe jaundice, a bleed on her brain among other things but then one day she just started to get better and better. No steps back just steps forward. This will be the hardest time of your life, the hardest year BUT it will be worth it. When that little girl smiles for the first time, when she sits up, when she crawls and when she first utters the words Mama none of the bad stuff will matter.
With regards to more children well I went on to have my son who is now 4. I developed pre-eclampsia and I had him 10 days early. And naturally- no c-section. I had to take aspirin throughout my pregnancy which is meant to help prevent pre-eclampsia.
Just for the record she was my 2nd child I also have an older daughter but with someone else which is a massive contributing factor in it. Also there is a 9.5 years age gap and research has shown that the bigger the gap the more risk.
My premature baby who weighed 2lb 15oz is now a healthy (still tiny!) 6 year old. She has the reading age of a 10 year old!
If you want to PM me please feel free. Sending lots of love and positive thoughts your way. Take care. xxxx

nattyt

My posts crossed with the_barretts and I would highly recommend keeping a diary too. It really helped me and also when you look back on it, it makes you realise how far your baby has come. xxx

Gillyx

Good to see you getting so much support here Jannine, you have went through a very tough time. Thoughts are with you and your little family xx

nearlyrich

It's hard when things don't go as they "should" you have had a major op and the stress of spending time in the SCBU and your head is probably spinning with all the what if's and maybes. My Friend;s mum had a prem baby almost 40 years ago, he had open heart surgery at a few days old, he is very much alive and well with a high power job and he happens to be a good friend of my youngest brother. Don't sink under all the pressure, make sure you get all the support you need for you and your hubby too. Hugs to you both and hope all goes well for Poppy x

Tigsteroonie

*wave*

I know the type of roller-coaster that you are on, OP. Our little boy was born at 29+1, and spent the following 11 weeks in SCBU. I was expressing every three hours, prescribed Domperidone to increase my milk supply, visiting him every afternoon by train & bus because I couldn't drive (c/s), sleepless with concern, scared of the phone ringing in case it's bad news ... And then I'd see him, and look at our miracle baby who'd survived his premature birth and seemed to be determined to make it, and I'd be on a huge high

I didn't write a blog - I wrote a thread I had one on here in the MSE Arms, because many people on here are good friends; and a second thread over in the Premature forum area of Baby & Bump. We would also put news on FB because it meant we could write it once on there and then all the relatives would see it, rather than phoning up individually for news.

(((((hugs)))))

poet123

Lots of us have been there and come out the other side. When you are in the situation you think that will never happen, but it does, stay strong and take every scrap of help offered and ask if you need more. People are only too glad to help but often don't like to push themselves forward in case they are in the way.

Re pre eclampsia I had it with my first son but went on to have three more healthy pregnancies, even though another one of my sons was 7 weeks early. So, don't give up hope of more children.