I regret getting SS involved now!

Alikay

OK, well the sessions you're going to be having, even if they don't resolve the problems will give the family worker an opportunity to get to know you all better. He/she will produce reports from the sessions which may indicate what the next step should be - hopefully leading to DD1 getting the right kind of support for her needs. "snooping" as you see it, is also assessment, and a necessary part of directing the correct help.

Your life isn't over - you're just having a tough time at the moment, but thinking about more babies or feeling angry about the cards you've been dealt with your elder daughter is not going to help one bit. Try and plod on with the job if you can, it'll give you something else to focus on and is possibly an area of your life which IS going OK at the moment...a bit of banter with your workmates can be very therapeutic at times

Darlyd

Thank you for your kind words.

I love my job, I work with elderly people, I also deal with social services sometimes with my job, it was one of them who reassured me about DD2. But it frightens me so much.

I just need to keep focused, and strong minded and get through this. Think I posted this as I was left teary eyed when I told DH what SW told me Friday about going into DD2 school this week, he just looked at me with fear, I could see it in his eyes, I could see his eyes welling up, And I could also read his mind.

Scary stuff...

merlot123

darlyd wrote: »

we have a social worker, and she has visited me 2 times, and told me she is referring us as a family for 3 sessions of group support. I feel this is not what we need, we need restbite for goodness sake, so when she kicks off, she should go somewhere, or DD2 would be taking away .

Social worker told me she will be going into DD2 school this week to talk to the teachers about her OMG, and I had a phone call Friday from youth club where DD1 used to attend (but got banned as she is to violent)..

I regret asking for help now, causing a strain in my marriage, when ever we fall out its over DD1, and now when I told him today what social worker is up too, he went mental, and ended up going to bed in tears in anger...

Am treading on egg shells, and even to afraid to go Doctors to ask for some counselling ( I buddy need it), in fear of SS thinking I am unfit....
Please help...

I think you all need help and counselling. The sessions may be of use to you.

Only the other day you wanted another baby, how an earth you could even contemplate another child with the issues your DD has is beyond me.

What kind of place do you want your daughter to go when she kicks off?

Take the offer of the sessions.

You are obviously having a difficult time, but you and your husband must be together on this. Don't jump to conclusions about the social worker going into school, it won't help.

You need to remain calm for the sake of both your children.

merlot123

BitterAndTwisted

I think I understand how very threatening and long-winded this may feel on the inside because you think you already know what the problem really is. Or what the label is called that you've put on it. But that's not how it works. I would try and appeal to you to accept the visit to DD2's school to chat with her. She needs a whole mountain of support as well an she might be about to get some. I would be encouraged by the SS person and do every single thing in my power to appear compliant and supportive of whatever they do or say they will do. Fighting them, because you think they are on the wrong track or looking in the wrong direction could send them messages which are wrong. Which will not help you or your family.

Thus spaketh a person with absolutely no experience or proper understanding of what this is like, so reject or accept as you see fit

CH27

darlyd wrote: »

Frightens me, because DD2 would be classed as *at risk* because of DD1 outbursts.

I have just read my notes, I took when social worker was here last, she told me she spoken to psychiatrist and he will be seeing us again, (she will be attending), because he received my letter and is taking it seriously. My concerns were, I have BP, and OCD, he ruled out BP at the beginning saying she is to young, but in my letter I attached evidence of other cases, misdiagnosed as ADHD when it was BP. She fits it to a T, except when manic she either goes really manic or angry rage, she gets all confused and it's like it is not her when she is in a rage. It's not because she is naughty or has behavioural problems, there is something wrong.

And I know Social worker wants to help, she seems OK, but I don't quite feel comfortable with them snooping, and she often drops comments to me about my mental health, because I have chosen not to discuss my BP to my new doctors here.... I am OK, I manage my condition pretty well, except depressive episodes I will admit get to much for me, hence wanting to go see GP, but scared.....

They can not offer me no help I have not already had/having. So why are they involved now? Snooping around.

But she is at risk.
Hopefully this help with benefit all of you & help you to live together without hassle.

rev229

We are in the same position with DS 15 currently on a private fostering arrangement as he has been vile with us. Smoking, drinking and using drugs aslo threatening and absive to us and DD13 whi is disabled. has not been allowed to be at home at night for past 3 weeks due to a very violent outburst. We as parents have done everything and I mean everything so please do not judge us as having a parenting issue we don't. CAHMs and school support are aware of everything we have done. However DS has been vile to SS and to the person who is privately fostering him. The private foster arrangement was set up by Social services, the cheap option as they expect us to pay for it. It is with a family we don't know, we know their child as she is a friend of DS!! DS has to be here after school as the other parents work. So we continue to feed him, packed school lunch and dinner, taxi him to wherever and do all his washing. He also showers here daily!! We are than suppose to pay the fosters carer expences ie for him sleeping there etc.
DS refuses to co-operate or live by anyones rules and now everyone else is wondering how we have cope this long with him. We are seriously hoping that he will be moved away from where we live into foster care as while he is drinking and useing drugs he is not returning home. He has no cash at all yet has been provided with all sorts from his mates. No one would expect me to put up with a violent drunk and drug using husband but when it is your child who is like this everyone thinks we have a parenting problem and should get on with life. Well, its not that simple and incredabily frightening as it is not in control at all. Some of us with kids like this have done nothing wrong and are desperate for some respite and help. Please do not judge others if you are not living with this on a daily bases! Thanks

WhiteHorse

D2 is now your priority. You cannot allow her to be destroyed by D1. It's time for drastic action.

Involving social services was a mistake, although an understandable one. They will tell you that D1 is fine, that it's all your fault, that D2 should be taken from you. This is the nightmare scenario that your OH sees and why he is so upset.

WhiteHorse

rev229 wrote: »

We as parents have done everything and I mean everything so please do not judge us as having a parenting issue we don't.

Yes, there are certain obligations, but there are limits too. Once those obligations are fulfilled, and the limits passed, you can walk away.

It's time to do so.

neneromanova

I've read a couple of times that you know the doctors are saying it wrong that your DD1 has ADHD. Why don't you let them diagnose her with ADHD, let her take the ritalin, then when that doesn't work for her, go to them, say I told you so and say why not try BP? You never know, she might actually have ADHD.

Can you not lock her in her room while she has one of her outbursts? She breaks her stuff, tough. Shouldn't have been a little madam.

Nicki

It all sounds grim and I am very sorry you are in this situation.

The only practical advice I can offer, as the mother of a severely disabled child, is that there is no point at all in asking for a service which doesn't exist in your area. All local authorities offer different services, so asking on the Internet is of limited help. You need to get a register of local services available from children's services, and then find out the eligibility criteria, then target your request for the service you think will help you.

Many local authorities have only very limited overnight respite arrangements. In some cases, the only respite you can get is to have your child put into short term foster care, with foster parents who are untrained in the specific needs of your child. You need to think whether your need for respite would outweigh your concerns about that, and if not, what other services might help (eg organised activities for your DD1 during the day, which gets her out of the home and gives you all a break).

I am afraid my own experiences are that it is almost impossible to access these kinds of services. My DD has a firm diagnosis, a full statement, attends a special school and receives higher rate DLA, and we can't get any of them, not even when I was 36 weeks pregnant with spd and having had one early labour scare, and wanted some limited daytime provision during school holidays for her. But we don't have an allocated SW, and I suspect that having one will actually be beneficial rather than not, in terms of having someone who knows the system and can get you what you need.