I regret getting SS involved now!

Darlyd

I been trying to get help for DD1 since she was a toddler, I always knew something was wrong with her, even my then health visitor agreed, but no help for me.

Anyway since moving to England, School has been fantastic, referred to CAHMS and CAF, caf referred to yisp (youth offenders), all they seem to be doing is listening to her, no plan in action, educational psychologist done assessment (she needs extra help there), CAHMS psychiatrist we see has mentioned ADHD amongst other things. Things got so bad with her wrecking the house, smashing doors, harming us and her then 4 yr old sibling, I had to ring SS to help me, they just spoke to me on the phone, guy who I spoke to was lovely, told me about his own son how he dealt with it, (sitting on him till he calmed), but I could not do this, she was raging, he told me to call police, he could hear her, I called police, it just went over her head. They tried to help.

Anyway, I kept on to SS desperately needing rest bite, poor DD2.

Then when we were at psychiatrist the cpn told me someone from SS called them, she had to call them back, I was then happy, that finally I was being listened too here.

Anyway, following day SS called me, telling me they taking on our case, and with DD2 too as she is invisible to the services, she was quite nasty with her words, saying things like if DD1 is a danger then DD2 will have to be removed, had me in buddy tears.

So someone comes out to do an assessment, all good and well, she was lovely and non patronizing, I felt at ease, We then had a big meeting in the school for all the services to say what each are doing, and I felt the cpn was blaming me, my parenting, and saying no signs of depression in DD1, oh come on she been seen 2 times at the point, I don't understand this but. Luckily SS lady stuck up for me, so did youth worker from yisp. Anyway that evening was appointment with psychiatrist and he told me, no signs of mental problems blah blah. !!!!!!? (he had an email from cpn from meeting).

Anyway fast forward now, we have a social worker, and she has visited me 2 times, and told me she is referring us as a family for 3 sessions of group support. I feel this is not what we need, we need restbite for goodness sake, so when she kicks off, she should go somewhere, or DD2 would be taking away .

Social worker told me she will be going into DD2 school this week to talk to the teachers about her OMG, and I had a phone call Friday from youth club where DD1 used to attend (but got banned as she is to violent)..

I regret asking for help now, causing a strain in my marriage, when ever we fall out its over DD1, and now when I told him today what social worker is up too, he went mental, and ended up going to bed in tears in anger...

Am treading on egg shells, and even to afraid to go Doctors to ask for some counselling ( I buddy need it), in fear of SS thinking I am unfit....
Please help...

grey_lady

Social services are offering you a parenting course - that's good isnt it?
No idea what 'rest bite' is - do you mean respite? if so, for who?

ikati5

I am not an authority on the authorities I'm afraid but I expect someone else will be along tomorrow with some support and advice. My advice as a mum to 3 now 20 something daughters is, hang in there, it might feel at the moment like people re against you because a new agency is involved an they are poking about but they are probably looking into whether DD2 is showing any signs of distress before they decide who needs the respite, it may be that DD2 receives some counselling and support sessions in her own right. You are doing the right thing by asking or the support your family needs, stay strong

Darlyd

It's not a parental course, I have done that, and use the techniques. It's where we go as a family to talk for 3 sessions. Have also done this too with yisp.
and yes restbite where DD1 can go too, to give us a break, someone to call to come over when she is in a rage because she can't get what she wants, or when DD2 does not do what she wants, she totally freaks out.

mountainofdebt

I know I'm going to sound heartless but I really do wonder given your other recent thread.

pandora205

In many Local Authorities respite care is incredibly rare now, even for children and young people with complex disabilities. I've not known it be offered to parents of young people with behavioural difficulties for many years but it may vary across the country.

Another point raised was whether this young person has mental health difficulties. From my knowledge of CaMHS services this relates to the diagnostic criteria for mental health. Again, there are many young people with behaviour/anger management difficulties where this would not apply so although they have significant problems they are not regarded as having psychiatric difficulties.

Other services (such as social workers and youth workers) would not use the same diagnostic processes before offering support, and would not be qualified to make diagnoses. I think it can be quite confusing for parents.

Alikay

But you needed and asked for help: They are offering to do some group work with your family which will hopefully suggest some techniques for dealing with DD1, and maybe some alternatives for her rather than kicking off the way she does now.

Your idea of respite, I'm guessing, is simply somewhere safe where your DD1 can be away from you until she calms down, but it wouldn't just be like that: Without additional work being done with you all, she would return to you with the same unresolved issues and possibly feelings of anger and rejection which could make matters worse.

There are simply not enough respite foster carers or residential placements available to meet current needs, so it's understandable SS will want to try and help you to resolve your conflict without accommodating your daughter. Priority will go to children and young people considered to be at risk.

Luciferswench

Its respite and im not sure its available for badly behaved teenagers sadly else i'd be on the list also.
Do you not have a relative/friend she can call when shes feeling that way out so she can calm herself before the storm?
If shes harming her 4 year old sibling she needs stopping. Go to your doctors get counselling. You and your OH need to be a united front no arguing about her as thats just playing into her hands.
Its tough parenting is the hardest job in the world and we as parents dont get told we are doing a good job often enough.
Chin up.

Darlyd

Alikay wrote: »

Priority will go to children and young people considered to be at risk.

Frightens me, because DD2 would be classed as *at risk* because of DD1 outbursts.

I have just read my notes, I took when social worker was here last, she told me she spoken to psychiatrist and he will be seeing us again, (she will be attending), because he received my letter and is taking it seriously. My concerns were, I have BP, and OCD, he ruled out BP at the beginning saying she is to young, but in my letter I attached evidence of other cases, misdiagnosed as ADHD when it was BP. She fits it to a T, except when manic she either goes really manic or angry rage, she gets all confused and it's like it is not her when she is in a rage. It's not because she is naughty or has behavioural problems, there is something wrong.

And I know Social worker wants to help, she seems OK, but I don't quite feel comfortable with them snooping, and she often drops comments to me about my mental health, because I have chosen not to discuss my BP to my new doctors here.... I am OK, I manage my condition pretty well, except depressive episodes I will admit get to much for me, hence wanting to go see GP, but scared.....

They can not offer me no help I have not already had/having. So why are they involved now? Snooping around.

Alikay

Sorry but I think you all need help, and it now seems to be happening even though you aren't happy with the process. I know you consider it snooping, but SS will consider it gathering information on your situation and family dynamics. Only a few days ago you were considering bringing another baby into this toxic minestrone.

I won't post anymore as I don't want to offend you, but really, the various agencies involved just want a happy outcome for you and your children.

Darlyd

Yes because SS are now involved there is no way we can adopt... And I can't have another baby because of DD1.

Feel like my life is over.

May as well give up work too, I am always being called to come home. What's the point!

And post away, you won't offend me... There's worse to come!