Can anyone remember this book?

**curlywurly**

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

She claims that she only means don't try to control the husband.

How in heck 'don't bother trying to change him, it'll only pee him off' got turned into a multimillion pound business, I have no idea. I suppose anything that can have a tenuous connection to wives submitting to their husbands as they are the head of the family as Christ is the head of the Church, a la the Bible, and promises happy ever after, well, it's going to have an awful lot of people interested.

Yep, well put. I was certainly interested enough to buy the book. NOT, I hasten to add, because I wanted to surrender to anyone. I was just fascinated to know how any woman can surrender to her husband (or why any husband would want his wife to).

I concluded they were both bonkers!

Hovel_lady

She also wrote "The Surrendered Single"...

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Surrendered-Single-Practical-Attracting-Marrying/dp/1416511636/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1326067988&sr=1-1

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Hovel_lady wrote: »

She also wrote "The Surrendered Single"...

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Surrendered-Single-Practical-Attracting-Marrying/dp/1416511636/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1326067988&sr=1-1

Oh. good grief.


The key is 'go on lots of dates and don't boil any rabbits, then he will miraculously appear to you'.


Ugh.

$95 for a half hour phone consultation for US residents? How can you eke that out after 10 minutes of taking credit card details?

claire16c

Sounds as bad as thoes Christian tv shows that ask people to ring in to donate money to some random church, or to be prayed for! And of course the more money you give the more God will help you..

Seanymph

She doesn't think you should hand over all power in the relationship.

(needless to say I've read it)..........

what she advocates is for women not to take on everything - responsibility, delegation, and monitoring.

You have 'set areas' of responsibility within the marriage, and if something isn't yours then you don't get to supervise, remind, nag and criticise how your partner has done it.

So if he is the breadwinner in a traditional role sense, you ensure he has the waterbill, you then shut up unless you need to tell him the water has been disconnected. You do not say 'have you paid that yet' 19 times........ or 'I don't know where the money will come from'. Because it's his problem.

Likewise you run your business or whatever (as she does) and unless you ask him for help it's yours.

He of course can ask you about the water bill, but if he doesn't ask you butt out.

I have certainly seen some relationships where the women may have benefited from reading it

I think it's just about not being too controlling, because no one likes it.

tea_lover

Seanymph wrote: »

She doesn't think you should hand over all power in the relationship.

(needless to say I've read it)..........

what she advocates is for women not to take on everything - responsibility, delegation, and monitoring.

You have 'set areas' of responsibility within the marriage, and if something isn't yours then you don't get to supervise, remind, nag and criticise how your partner has done it.

So if he is the breadwinner in a traditional role sense, you ensure he has the waterbill, you then shut up unless you need to tell him the water has been disconnected. You do not say 'have you paid that yet' 19 times........ or 'I don't know where the money will come from'. Because it's his problem.

Likewise you run your business or whatever (as she does) and unless you ask him for help it's yours.

He of course can ask you about the water bill, but if he doesn't ask you butt out.

I have certainly seen some relationships where the women may have benefited from reading it

I think it's just about not being too controlling, because no one likes it.

Well when it's put like that I think I might benefit from that! I'm a total control freak, and tbh I'm even annoying myself with it now. God knows how OH is coping!

margaretclare

It would be possible to be 'not too controlling' without being 'surrendered'. I could not do with being controlled, not by a husband, not by anybody, but equally, I am not about to 'surrender' to any living soul on God's earth whether married to him or not. In 2 marriages I've never promised to 'obey' nor would I ever.

Arguments about bills etc don't happen in this house because all household bills are paid from a joint account which was set up for the purpose and into which we both contribute. DH was unwilling to do this at the start of our marriage because he'd had bad experiences in his last marriage. We don't have a card to take cash out of it nor have we a cheque-book for it - it's just there to pay the normal household bills. At present we're well in credit with E.on which is surprising, in the middle of winter! Equally, both of us can cook, DH is capable of ironing his own shirts etc, we both drive. Neither of us is 'the breadwinner' because we each have pensions income of our own. I have been a 'breadwinner' in my first marriage, and DH has been that in the previous 2 marriages. However, we like the way we do things now. It's all based on Trust and Respect, which is a two-way process.

katerinasol

tea_lover wrote: »

Well when it's put like that I think I might benefit from that! I'm a total control freak, and tbh I'm even annoying myself with it now. God knows how OH is coping!

Ditto! I also think if OH realises he has to do things because they need to be done and not because he gets nagged for it, he might become more responsible! But I have to say the word 'surrendered' really got my back up.

HomeMum_2

Mmm. Interesting discussion. I can honestly say that whilst I have no intention of "surrendering" to anyone, least of all my husband, nor do i intend to "do as I am told" (far too old to start, never did when growing up apparently, so unlikely to do so now ) I have shocked myself lately by coming to the realisation that life (in my circumstances - certainly not for all i do realise this) was far easier and happier during the times where i simply, oh i dont know how to put this bit, well i guess simply "didnt".
By that i mean i didnt moan, nor nag. Nor disagree. Previously in our relationship i allowed (see, even that reads wrong - maybe i should say never had an opinion) DH to go whereever he wanted, whenever he wanted, if he wanted to go out to football all day, and pub all evening, fine. If he wanted to go golf all day, and pub all evening, fine. It was never an issue.
As time went on and i began to nag a little, moan a little, our relationship changed, and i CERTAINLY WASNT HAPPIER FOR IT!!!!
I guess most men dont like being told what to do, or when to do it, and now ive backed off again things definately are happier at home.
Surrended wife? No. But could I be? Most probably.

Hermia

What annoys me about these books is that only women read them (e.g. this one and the Mars/Venus one). Men behave exactly as they want in a relationship whilst women are the ones doing all the work to keep the relationship working and trying to work out how to understand the man. I don't think I have ever met a man who spent hours reading Mars/Venus and trying to understand their wives!

I do know quite a few men who would be bored to death with a surrended wife!