When does extended breastfeeding become weird....

Lotus-eater

Gillyx wrote: »

Women get this guilt because people bang on and on about breast feeding being better. Yes it probably is, but for people who cannot for whatever reason how does that make them feel?

They always start on any thread started about BF. I'd just ban any mention of it if I was Martin.
It's really not good for people to see too much of stuff like that.

skintchick

OP - to answer your original post, breastfeeding is NEVER weird However, we live in a culture which views breasts primarily as men's playthings and sexual objects, is unable to accept that breasts can have more than one use, as both milk-providers AND as sensual (in the same way a pen-is is both a sexual device and one for having a wee), and additionally exerts pressure from formula manufacturers that does its very best to present breastfeeding as unnecessary (and succeeds very well, sadly).

I am breastfeeding my DD, who will be two-and-a-half this month, and not only have I never had anyone comment adversely, I happily feed her out and about (although she doesn;t ask much in the day any more). We are both happy with it, she has a need for it as she is biologically programmed to do, and I hope to be able to let her wean by herself. I don;t know what will happen in the future, but my feeling is that it is up to me and my DD, and we take each day as it comes, Some days I feed her at every request, other days I distract her or even just say no, it depends how I feel. now she is older she is able to accept that, just as she does about other things (snacks, going to the park, etc.).

Breastmilk definitely does have continued benefits beyond the first year, there has been a study into the benefits to children aged 1-2, sadly no studies have been done beyond that age but the benefits won;t suddenly stop! So there are undoubtedly benefits (emotional, nutritional and on wellbeing) for children aged 2 and over.

If nature didn;t intend children to breastfeed then they would naturally go off it but they don't - children aged under 2 are weaned by their mother, they don;t choose it.

Of course, it is every mum's right to choose when to wean, but that doesn;t mean mums who choose to let their child choose instead are weird.

But also, breastfeeding is designed to be a comfort, and works wonders at it! How people parent toddlers without it I do not know - it instantly calms the savage beast (tantrumming monster) in a way nothing else can!

My best friend fed her third child till he was 5, but he still had the odd feed at age 6/7. She felt very uncomfortable with it at that stage, but he was so hysterical about wanting it on occasion she let him. He was probably jealous of his younger brother at that point though.

The problem is our culture is that it is generally hidden because of people's attitudes, so no-one knows exactly how many mums are practicing natural-term breastfeeding.

I am going to a La Leche League meeting for mums who breastfeed their toddlers tomorrow so I can meet some others - but the leader assures me lots of mums are doing it! I guess we just don;t see it (we hardly seeing breastfeeding of newborns, after all).

That was a long post meant to say - it is normal and natural and never weird, so do it as long as you and your child want!

ziggy2004

Gillyx wrote: »

Women get this guilt because people bang on and on about breast feeding being better. Yes it probably is, but for people who cannot for whatever reason how does that make them feel?

There was a thread recently where a new mother just could not come to peace with the fact her premature son was lacking the ability to latch on, and was blaming herself and feeling a "failure" and that she couldn't give her son the best start in life, despite the fact she was trying so hard. She knew breast was best and that's what was causing the guilt.

It all comes down to choice, if people don't want to breast feed or can't they shouldn't be made to feel inadequate or looked down upon, as it is their body, their child, their choice.

I really hope to breast feed my son when he's born, but I've come to terms with the fact it doesn't happen instantly for everyone and if I had to resort to formula I know how crap it would make me feel, and people thinking I was "crazy" for doing it would only reinforce that point even further.

I'm not sure about the norm, as out of my 2 friends who have given birth recently one has bottle fed, one has breast fed. The one who breast fed had to give it up for the best part as she was back at work and university when her baby was 12 weeks old, she just didn't have the time to express, so her milk dried up for most feeds, she has continued with the feed before bed though.

Whether it's norm or not, it comes down to choice for most mothers and I don't think the draconian attitude and sheer pressure put on by some midwives helps the situation at all.

It really is not a matter of being better it is normal. We are mammals and are designed to breastfeed. As I mentioned before Formula is a solution if that is not possible for whatever reason.

Breastfeeding currently is not the norm, if it was formula companies would be going bust!

I have a very good friend who chooses not to breastfeed her children as she has some pretty big issues (psychological) with her breasts. She is still the best mum possible for her children and made the right choice for her family.

And for what it is worth I was told to just give a bottle both times I ran into problems. Minor problems which were easily sorted by someone taking the time to sit with me and my newborn. I was also told it was impossible to breastfeed a big baby. I have come across countless women who were told the same and in one case someone who was effectively bullied into giving her child a bottle .

Choice is great but it should be an accurate choice not one based on uninformed opinions of others.

Gillyx

It would be great if the NHS could do that, but unfortunately it's not the case. My hospital has a policy of no over night stays if possible, which worries me on the breast feeding front, but if I was finding it difficult and couldn't cope, would I be getting myself into a tizz and stressing myself and baby out or would I be packing my OH off to the nearest 24h supermarket to get my baby food?

Just because one is better than the other doesn't mean people should be looked down upon for choosing the option which isn't as good. I'm not deliberately arguing with you, as I agree with most points you are making, I'm just sitting on the fence and attempting to see it from another point of view.

I don't really have anything else to add and I'm taking it a bit off topic anyway

ikati5

doodoot wrote: »

I think that it should be halted as soon as the child is able to hold a cup or bottle to their own mouth.

Any later than that seems wrong to me.

I breastfed both of my sons but I have to say that seeing mothers with a toddler under their top is plain wrong to me.

I once saw this happening in Costa and the child must have been 3 at least...I'm sorry to those who approve but it made feel very uncomfortable.

I agree, you could express milk until the end of time I would imagine, send them to work with a flask but to actually latch a toddler on is in my opinion wrong. We have moved on in society in recent years..

DianneB

Babies need breast feeding and surely everyone is comfortable with that, a 3 or 4 year old is not a baby.

ziggy2004

Gillyx wrote: »

It would be great if the NHS could do that, but unfortunately it's not the case. My hospital has a policy of no over night stays if possible, which worries me on the breast feeding front, but if I was finding it difficult and couldn't cope, would I be getting myself into a tizz and stressing myself and baby out or would I be packing my OH off to the nearest 24h supermarket to get my baby food?

Just because one is better than the other doesn't mean people should be looked down upon for choosing the option which isn't as good. I'm not deliberately arguing with you, as I agree with most points you are making, I'm just sitting on the fence and attempting to see it from another point of view.

I don't really have anything else to add and I'm taking it a bit off topic anyway

I would say get the numbers of your local breastfeeding resources sorted. If possible go to a support group whilst pregnant and be aware that it is not always as simple as moving baby towards the breast.

I did not receive any positive help in hospital at all and was discharged the same day with my last ( by choice I debated a home birth so this was a compromise). I was helped by the mw who ran the local support group and by a LLL leader two amazing women willing to sit and listen and help.

I would never look down on someone for how they choose to feed their baby but I am pretty passionate about informed choice and believe that women should be supported properly ( this also includes being supported in formula feeding if and when needed)

msb5262

I have often heard reference to people, including health professionals, "bullying" women to breastfeed, and much is made of the "pressure" on mums to breastfeed - but when I breastfed my babies, I experienced the opposite.

Endless undermining ("You'll never feed such a big baby yourself,") and implications that I was selfish for using formula ("Don't you think Dad would like to do some of the feeding?) alongside all the normal comments about at least you know how much they've had when they're bottlefed, about how much improved formula is from what it used to be, about how breastfed babies are clingy and how it takes ages...ad nauseam.
The pressure from bottle feeding peers was quite considerable, alongside comments like, "Would you like to go upstairs/in the toilet/home to feed the baby?" from friends, in laws, shop assistants etc. I always feel sad when I encounter what appears to be the accepted view - that the militant breastfeeding brigade push mothers to breast feed against their will, when in my experience everything and everyone seem to be pushing mothers to bottle feed against their will!

Anyone interested in this subject should read The Politics of Breastfeeding by Gabrielle Palmer. It makes it pretty clear that formula = big money...

ziggy2004

ikati5 wrote: »

I agree, you could express milk until the end of time I would imagine, send them to work with a flask but to actually latch a toddler on is in my opinion wrong. We have moved on in society in recent years..

sorry my body did not get the memo :doh:

This would be the great society that brings us semi naked women prancing about with teenage boys drooling all over them - yeah great example that :rotfl:

shirlgirl2004

ikati5 wrote: »

I agree, you could express milk until the end of time I would imagine, send them to work with a flask but to actually latch a toddler on is in my opinion wrong. We have moved on in society in recent years..

We have indeed moved on but I don't think it is the better for it. The increase in eczema is just one example of that but I don't need to site examples of why our health would be better if breastfeeding went beyond 6 months (the point at which most mothers have given up) there is plenty of information in the public domain if people are interested in being informed.