When does extended breastfeeding become weird....

splishsplash

toomanyshoesfortwofeet wrote: »

Thanks for replying. I didn't take your post personally I was just interested to find out why you felt that way. I get that you are saying that this is how you personally feel and that you're not suggesting that everyone should feel that way.

I think I was dithering around the point that conradmum has just made and I couldn't put it better.

I'm not well read in either continuum parenting or attachment parenting but I think (but, I maybe wrong) that extended breastfeeding is encouraged because they consider it a powerful bonding activity and they work from the assumption that true independence is achieved through secure attachment. (And too add, I don't personally believe that bottle feeding limits good attachment).

My main problem with parenting approaches like attachment parenting, continuum-concept parenting, helicopter parenting, concerted cultivation or even slow parenting is that they are all good examples of the pendulum swinging too far. I dislike extremism in all its forms.
That's probably why I'm uncomfortable with the idea of extended breastfeeding also - it strikes me as yet another example of taking a basically sound premise and running a mile with it.

conradmum

splishsplash wrote: »

I associate breastfeeding with babies and toddlers, not three or four year old children for the reasons I've already outlined, yes.
I really want to make it clear though, that I have no problem in the wide earthly world with other women who choose to continue breastfeeding far beyond my instinctive cut-off point.

I'm curious regarding the bit I've bolded - I've given what are my own personal reasons for stopping - but I'm not sure what the reasons for continuing are?
I think that's why I think it's such a personal thing - what you see as 'pushing' toward independence, I see as not holding back, facilitating, encouraging. I see extended breastfeeding (age 3+) as keeping the child at a passive, dependent, managed stage that they have naturally outgrown.

To clarify: when I say I naturally began to encourage my children toward independence at age 3-4, I meant that I fostered their interest in talking, roleplay, making friends and all the natural developmental milestones that happen around that age when a children starts becoming interested in other people apart from parents and siblings.

Why should mothers have a reason to continue? In most other societies it's normal. There's no 'reason' for it. What makes you think a child has naturally outgrown breastfeeding at 3+? Why should breastfeeding your child prevent a mother from doing all those other things you describe?

These are rhetorical questions though feel free to answer if you want. I'm challenging your assumption that breastfeeding is for babies or toddlers only. I don't share that assumption. One train of reasoning is that children should naturally wean when they start to lose their milk teeth. Whether this is true or not I don't know, but as I said there isn't any indication so far from our understanding of human development that babies should cease to be breastfed at age one, for example. These are cultural cut-off points.

toomanyshoesfortwofeet

splishsplash wrote: »

My main problem with parenting approaches like attachment parenting, continuum-concept parenting, helicopter parenting, concerted cultivation or even slow parenting is that they are all good examples of the pendulum swinging too far. I dislike extremism in all its forms.
That's probably why I'm uncomfortable with the idea of extended breastfeeding also - it strikes me as yet another example of taking a basically sound premise and running a mile with it.

Ok, so we'll just agree to disagree. That's fine. I don't think it's extreme, you do. Fine. (I do think most attachment parents would baulk at the prospect of being lumped with helicopter parents). I take issue with your strange foal analogy, but I'll get over it.

My point is that I believe your personal 'cringe' factor with extended breastfeeding and the prejudices about its role in thwarting independence and whatnot is engineered by our current society and parenting philosophies that mandate breastfeeding is for babies only - even though I've yet to hear one sound argument that makes this case.

I'm bowing out now, this is going round in circles. I think I was too hopeful to think that I could nudge someone's prejudices about extended breastfeeding a little, and if that can't happen here in this fairly affable exchange, I probably never will, never mind.

splishsplash

conradmum wrote: »

Why should mothers have a reason to continue? In most other societies it's normal. There's no 'reason' for it. What makes you think a child has naturally outgrown breastfeeding at 3+? I think my reasoning is best explained by my answer in post #416. Why should breastfeeding your child prevent a mother from doing all those other things you describe? My answer in post #422.

These are rhetorical questions though feel free to answer if you want. I'm challenging your assumption that breastfeeding is for babies or toddlers only. I don't share that assumption. One train of reasoning is that children should naturally wean when they start to lose their milk teeth. Whether this is true or not I don't know, but as I said there isn't any indication so far from our understanding of human development that babies should cease to be breastfed at age one, for example. These are cultural cut-off points.

My answers are entirely intuitive and instinctive, I have no actual basis in fact for my opinion. That's why I was interested in seeing some objective information listing the benefits shown to result from extended breastfeeding.

toomanyshoesfortwofeet wrote: »

Ok, so we'll just agree to disagree. That's fine. I don't think it's extreme, you do. (I do think most attachment parents would baulk at the prospect of being lumped with helicopter parents). I view the approaches I mention as parenting approaches taken to extremes beyond which I'm comfortable with, I don't consider them to be similar approaches - if I did, I wouldn't have included slow parenting. I take issue with your strange foal analogy, but I'll get over it. You are mistaking me for lostinrates, I think.

My point is that I believe your personal 'cringe' factor with extended breastfeeding and the prejudices about its role in thwarting independenceand whatnot is engineered by our current society and parenting philosophies that mandate breastfeeding is for babies only - even though I've yet to hear one sound argument that makes this case. I don't have a 'cringe' factor, I said I was uncomfortable with it. I've already said I'd love to see some of the documented benefits of extended breastfeeding past babyhood into childhood.
I'm bowing out now, this is going round in circles. I think I was too hopeful to think that I could nudge someone's prejudices about extended breastfeeding a little, and if that can't happen here in this fairly affable exchange, I probably never will, never mind.

I'm sorry you see it as prejudice. I thought I made it clear the weaning time I feel is instinctively correct relates only to me, I understand it will not be the same for others, and I've already said I have absolutely no problem with that.
I'm always open to changing my mind about things, which is why I've said I'd love to see some evidence relating to the benefits of extended breastfeeding - I've looked, but cannot find anything. If current weaning times are socially engineered, maybe a good way to start changing things is to educate mothers and teach them why it's good to continue for longer?

conradmum

splishsplash wrote: »

If current weaning times are socially engineered, maybe a good way to start changing things is to educate mothers and teach them why it's good to continue for longer?

Have a look at this site, splishsplash:

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html

Marisco

I've got to ask!!! What on earth is helicopter parenting?????

peachyprice

Marisco wrote: »

I've got to ask!!! What on earth is helicopter parenting?????

Parenting where you don't let your child make any mistakes in life or leave them to think for themselves because you're always there hovering over them ready to jump in.

Marisco

Ah right, thanks peachy. I hate parents like that, they do the kids no favours at all, in fact I'd go so far as to say they do a lot of damage, by turning smothered kids into useless adults!

poet123

toomanyshoesfortwofeet wrote: »

Ok, so we'll just agree to disagree. That's fine. I don't think it's extreme, you do. Fine. (I do think most attachment parents would baulk at the prospect of being lumped with helicopter parents). I take issue with your strange foal analogy, but I'll get over it.

My point is that I believe your personal 'cringe' factor with extended breastfeeding and the prejudices about its role in thwarting independence and whatnot is engineered by our current society and parenting philosophies that mandate breastfeeding is for babies only - even though I've yet to hear one sound argument that makes this case.

I'm bowing out now, this is going round in circles. I think I was too hopeful to think that I could nudge someone's prejudices about extended breastfeeding a little, and if that can't happen here in this fairly affable exchange, I probably never will, never mind.

I do think that infantilising children is a sound argument, you may not agree with that argument, but that does not make it unsound or untrue. Children have stages of progression, anything that keeps them too long in one stage can have a negative impact. However, the definition of "too long" is probably, or rather, possibly, subjective. Many will go with the "norm" when thinking about breastfeeding times, others will delay for their own reasons.

To insist the sole reason is the needs of the child is patently untrue, that doesn't necessarily make it wrong, it makes it a personal decision much like other aspects of parenting. To a degree, also like any other aspect of parenting, the parent and often the child, are judged for their choices.

TheCardcan

Not weird - as others have said, continue as long as you and your child are comfortable. I continued for more than two years, but not during the day. Have to say IMO it looks very strange for toddlers and older children to be breast fed in public.