I can't cope, please help

bouncing_bubbles

*hug*

I couldnt read this and not post most of what I was going to say has been said.

BUT

Taylor your CV to each job - use phrases advert/job describtion/person specification uses. If its a job application and they want you to write saying why you would be good for the job ensure your letter covers each point of the JOb describtion as its listed - employers are getting hundreds of applicants - make their job easy - all they need is evidance you can do it, once ticked you should get to next stage. Always phone up about a job your really intersted in ask lots of questions and be freindly but professional. If you can arrange to go in and meet someone from the employer (you cant always but shows you are super keen). If you dont get called for interview or if you get called for interview and dont get offrered role phone up and ask for feedback - it will stick in their mind and help you next time. trebble check your spelling and punciuation (by nature mine isnt the best - so I get a few people to go through it). Make your CV stand out - always be professional but it needs to stick in someones mind.

Your friend may not be the most objective person to look at your CV. Shes your friend she may not want to hurt you plus she already has an informed opinion of you.

Keep a log of all the compliments (like bosses gutted to let you go) and good things.

It does speak volimes about being up front with things, employers look positivly on it. Everyone has at least one skeleton in their closet.

Voluntering is always a great place to start and is very appeling to perspective employers.

Men - well they are never woth it - they are expensive to feed and hard to train. You are the only one that can make you happy. Make 2012 your year. xx

Seanymph

Perhaps applying for different jobs - live in jobs? A carer? The Lady has housekeepers and things advertised. Private schools need people and offer accomodation. Rural places have estate houses attached to jobs.

The Open University would pay for a degree for you - you could use your time to study. Or volunteer at something? Or set up a business doing something you loved.

This could be a really positive time of opportunity for you.

January20

I agree with all that has been said above but would like to add: you are ONLY 31. You are really young, you know? You have time to try lots of new things, time to find a partner, time to retrain if you so wish, but you have to get yourself out there. Don't give up, keep trying.

catch_me_if_you_can

Couldn't just read and run. I feel for you. Hopefully new year, new start. Don't write yourself off... you made friends and were good at at your last job, you have the skills that have kept you in temp work the last 3 years. Go back to the agencies and let them know that you're still available for work, temp & permie. It does sound harsh about the letting you go as soon as you were upfront about your credit file. Having a poor credit file isn't necessarily a mark against you, it's if you tried to hide that that it becomes an integrity issue (where I work, anyway). Please don't give up hope, you have so much in front of you. xxx

NewStart09

Remember where one door shuts another one always opens...take this as an opportunity to look for something else.

Have you considered going back to Uni and or retraining? You got to start looking outside the box if you think the DRO is affecting your employment, look for roles were that is not an issue, I would think anything not cash related would be alright.

Dont bundle all your issues together and think of them negativity, so you haven't had a date in 6 years, thats not the end of the world, I know some of my friends who wished that they had not dated in the last 6 years, there are a lot of losers out there.

Think positive and sit down and really assess your life, working temp is great if you want to change roles or gain experience, it allows you to put your foot in the water and see how the job is but not commit to the training. I can honestly say most of the work experience I accumulated in my life was by pure accident.

Chin up - get out there and keep trying, you never know what you might find, it might be a great job and or the love of your life....:)

NewStart09

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

First thing, make sure you are claiming all the benefits you can - JSA, LHA, LHA discretionary top ups, Council tax benefit, everything. There's no shame in claiming. You need it. That's what it's there for. A crisis loan if you can't pay your rent and eat (I don't actually know if that is covered, but no harm in trying) could be an option. If your landlord doesn't accept benefits, then get yourself down the council and fill in a homelessness application. Get help from the nearest housing advice charity if you need it.


There's nothing stopping you going to more Meetups. It's not an exclusive club for the gainfully employed, and not everything costs a fortune. I spent £2 tonight in Central London, and some have basically been free.

What sort of ones have you registered for? There are tons of new ones all the time, and there's bound to be something that is just that old thing so few of us have heard of recently - FUN.

It's lousy not having a job, but there are other things you could look into to gain from whilst you are looking for something new. The OU - now when you're on benefits, the fees can be paid for - the deadline for next academic year is somewhere around July for the longer courses, but the short Openings courses (well at least they did) have start dates throughout the year, the OU has their own scheme to help with them and although there are usually only telephone or online tutorials at that level, it's something different to put on your CV. I got one interview purely on the basis that I had taken the same course as the person recruiting.

The local adult education centre probably offers courses during the day or the evening, whichever is the time that you find most difficult to handle being unoccupied, and again there is probably remission on some if not all of the fees.


Voluntary work doesn't pay the bills, but being a volunteer dog walker or shovelling fox poo in a wildlife hospital or helping dig holes in a community farm once a month/week/whatever shows up on a CV and gets you away from being stuck indoors without natural daylight. If you are more interested/people-centric, then the local hospital volunteers would probably love someone under 70 to come and help them. You might end up doing all the heavy lifting, but it's very good experience, meeting a greeting patients and visitors, directing them, answering queries, etc, and could easily lead into an admin or reception job.

Try to eat cheaply but well - fresh vegetables are better than oven chips, for example - try and keep a routine - up at a reasonable time, shower, dress, keep your flat clean and get yourself outside as much as possible.


And finally, get yourself down the doctor's. You may be getting depressed due to this (which is perfectly normal) and if you need additional medical help, whether with counselling and/or with medication, get it sooner rather than later.

nanto3girls

Hi there, you have had some very good advice on here,so i can't really add anything,but i really hope things get better for you.Let us know how you go on.x

Saturnalia

Thanks for all your replies, there's a lot to think about there.

It feels so scary to be starting again with nothing at all, when just a couple of weeks ago I had a happy life in the present and the dream of a happy stable future, and now it's all gone. I'm drifting in the dark again. This happens every time something nice & happy happens in my life. Everyone I've dated has kidded on they are happy with me then left me for someone else they were with behind my back, none of my temp work has led to anything permanent, employers don't even send a rejection when I apply... my happiness just explodes in front of me every single time. I know I have to keep going and it all only has to go right once, but it's like trying to touch a hot stove expecting it not to burn me this time.

I'm coming up 31 and have nothing for the future. No pension, no savings, no-one to love and be loved by, few friends, no chance of owning a home, nothing. I can't believe I'm here. I've tried so hard, got my Modern Languages BA years ago (which cost a fortune of debt and has done me no good for getting jobs), apply for tens of jobs a week, nearly had a breakdown in 2010 due to no work and escalating debts and have been on-and-off Prozac since...Whenever I've been well and can afford it I've made sure to get out to social events but never meet anyone I could be with. It seems so hopeless. I don't know anyone else in the same situation. Everyone else I know is working and in steady relationships.

I feel so ashamed of not working and signing on. All you ever hear about is "workshy scroungers" and similar names, but if someone offered me a job I'd start tomorrow!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You don't have to be meeting people specifically because you're looking for a lifelong partner, though, do you? You could be just going to meet people to just meet people?

So you have idiot exes (join the club ). Doesn't mean everyone is. And there are plenty who are quite lovely as mates, too, who you won't necessarily be able to accept and make friends with if you are looking just for a boyfriend/partner and dismiss them as you don't fancy them


Seems like you tend to catastrophise things. It's all going to go wrong. It always does. It's the end of the world. Never going to get any better, never does. Relationships are always going to end in tears and betrayal, always do.



That's a lot of baggage to carry when you could just be going to play pool with a few people who want to have a laugh but don't know many people for whatever reason they have.

It's also a lot of baggage to carry to a job interview or as a temp looking for a permanent position.

I don't own my own home, I'm single, I'm older than you, I don't have much of an income, but I'm OK with that. I'm studying, I'm doing OK with what I love to do, it'll be alright in the end - I doubt I will ever own a house or be anything more than pretty much skint, but that's OK if I don't - and great if I do. I can be very deeply, utterly sad at times, it's normal - but the past is the past, not what's going to happen today or tomorrow. I can be sad about what has happened, but I can't change it, so there's no point focusing on it, so I had better concentrate on what I'm doing today and tomorrow. Life isn't going to improve sitting in the dark and saying like there's no point going on as it's never going to change. It might not change straight away going out and doing stuff that's different or scary or both, but it's certainly got more possibilities than being back in the darkened pit.



Is there any reason why you couldn't, for example, top up your training to become a languages teacher? You can't get much more secure than a teacher - and they have access to keyworker schemes for housing. What about becoming an EFL teacher? They can work all over the world and training is often available (and heavily subsidised) through the local adult education centre.




I think that you need to go back to the GP and they may recommend that you actually stay on medication for an extended period of time, rather than going on and off it when something good happens, then almost instantly falling back down again as it wears off - and request CBT/counselling/something, as that could give you the tools to make you feel more in control of your own life.

Nixer

You do sound as if you are beating yourself up a bit, which probably isn't helping. I do this as well but I've been learning a bit about some CBT techniques which have helped me to try and stop doing this. I know it's hard but try to focus on the positives, and yes there are some. e.g. you say you've few friends, but that implies that you do have some. Have you tried reaching out to any of them and asking for a bit of a sympathetic ear?

Also from what I gather, it's pretty tough out there in the job market at the mo, so your lack of job is unlikely to be your fault. Just because you couldn't work at that place any more should not mean you cannot ever work anywhere else. Is there anyone there whom you could contact and ask to be a reference for you? What has happened with your temp agency (assume it was via an agency), are they not trying to find you something else?

There's really no shame in claiming dole, you've been working and paying in and it's meant to be a safety net exactly meant to help people like you. I think the "scrounger" thing is an attitude taken to people who have never paid in and would rather sit on their bum than work. You're clearly nothing like that. Chin up.