I can't cope, please help

Saturnalia

I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place and sorry if I ramble on. I don't know where to start and have no idea who to reach out to.

I lost my job a few days before Christmas. I've been a temp for 3 years and the work has been up-and-down. I got my last job in October, a 2-week booking that went onto a monthly rolling contract. There was lots of work available there and the company was talking about giving me a 1-year contract when my 12 weeks there was up. But then there was a staff briefing where we were told we'd all be credit-checked in the New Year. I have a DRO so knew I had to tell them before it was found (we were warned keeping things like that secret was gross misconduct). I thought I'd be okay as I was in a department where I was handling old files and had no contact with account holders, didn't handle money etc, (the staff handbook said where possible staff with bad credit would be moved onto this kind of work) but they had to let me go immediately.

As a temp I had no rights at all. I'd been there 12 weeks and my bosses were happy with my work and gutted to have to let me go as they had wanted to keep me long term.

I've lost everything. I wasn't earning much but could pay the bills and enjoy myself a little. I loved working, having security, got on great with my colleagues (I had a few mins to clear my desk so couldn't even say goodbye to anyone) and was the happiest I'd been in years. I knew what I would be paid on the 1-year contract and had made plans - pay debts, start a pension, start a savings pot so once my credit file was clear and I could think about a mortgage, I'd have some deposit. Now that's all died. I'm on the dole and will be able to pay this month's rent, after that I have no idea what I'll do.

I can't see myself ever working again. It's been 3 years without a perm job. I temp at least 1 week a month but I hate having no security, I can't plan anything, can't save for the future. I apply for any job I find where I meet the criteria and think I can do the job but never get interviews. I've had my CV & cover letters looked over by the Jobcentre ad a friend in HR and they can't tell me where I'm going wrong. The jobless figures are going up every month and there are millions out there younger, better-qualified and with solid work histories, all chasing the same jobs.

I turn 31 this month and I have achieved nothing. Unemployed, too skint to leave the house, I live in digs and am still single.

I had one real relationship over 10 years ago and haven't even had a date in 6 years. Nobody wants me, as a partner, a worker, anything. All I am is a drain on the state and my family who I love so much. I'm so lonely I often cry at night, but what man will want a woman who can't pay her way and is nothing but a dead weight? I have no savings, can't get a joint mortgage, hell, can't afford busfare to go on a date.I'm only too aware that men like young beautiful women - there are 20-year-olds with jobs, futures and line-free faces who want to get married. What hope have I got?

I just can't see any sort of way out. All I'm doing is putting myself and my family through fresh pain.

I enjoyed myself so much while working. I went to Meetup events and was making friends, joined Zumba, was going to join the gym my colleagues went to in the New Year... now everything is ruined. My life has been destroyed, and it's all my own fault.

caeler

**Big Hug** I didn't want to read and run. Sorry you've had some bad luck recently, I hope things will starting to look up soon for you. You will work again! 3 years temping as probably given you some excellent exposure to various environments and experiences some of us can only dream of. It is unfortunate how things ended for you before Christmas but New Year, fresh start. Why not made sure the agencies you work through know your available again so they can focus on getting you placed, perhaps now is the time to ask they avoid banks and the like because you won't pass a credit check and don't want that experience repeated. Stick here, I'm sure people will be along soon and offer you their support and words of wisdom. Good luck!

PS. I was divorced at 26 after a very short marriage and 4 years later I'm still single but it isn't all bad I promise. Independance has its benefits and although the idea of dating scares me it could be quite fun!

skyvicky123

I hardly ever bother to log in and post but after reading yours i just had to. I am SO sorry to hear about you losing your job. It sounds as though you have had a really rough time of it in terms of the job market. I know it's tough out there. Have you thought about using your extra time to re-train or just do some studying to broaden your horizons (with the extra benefit of widening your social circle)

You sound like you are a strong and independent woman who was managed to stand on her own two feet for 31 years. I reckon you can pick yourself up this time and find something to spur you on, whether it be the task of applying for jobs or spending some time out of the job market to study or train for something new. You just need a plan. Have a think about what are the things you want to change in your life and start with remembering that all your temp experience has given you the advantage over many other applicants. You are clearly a quick leaner, flexible and can adapt to new situations. This is something employers will really value. Get someone else to have a look over the CV. Make sure you tailor every CV for each new application to make it as relevant as possible to the role you are applying for.

I really hope that things get back on track for you.The most important thing to remember that 31 is HARDLY over the hill.You have plenty of time to create a fulfilling life for yourself whether it is with or without a bloke!

Please let us know how things go x

Alikay

It will get better. "This too shall pass" as the saying goes. There will be an upturn in the economy at some point, whether local, national or global and you'll find work again. As for a relationship - not every man wants a woman for her financial contribution! We all want different things from our partner and someone out there will want what you have to offer. Whether you buy or rent a place is irrelevant really - the important thing it that it's home. You'll be entitiled to some form of benefit in the short term, and fwiw this tax-payer, and probably most others, don't resent a bit going on helping people when the going gets tough. You're not a drain on the state: That's what the welfare state was designed for - financial help for the times when people need it.

carefullycautious

Dont think of your life as a failure, think of what is happening as a crossroads to other areas. Maybe you need to think outside the box a bit.

If you arent allowed to do accounts due to the Debt problems then look for other types of work.

Could you live in anywhere as a nanny?
Carers jobs?
House sitting?
Dog walking?

Or a bit of each as in part time jobs x2/3/4

Anything that allows you to pay your way whilst you pay down your debts and get experience in other areas.

If you can sort out benefits you could also volunteer in an area of work you like, this will get you a reference when applying for jobs.
THere is work out there and sometimes we have to take another route etc.
Good luck and let us know how you get on

Feeling sorry for yourself will drag you down. You never know Mr Rights may be waiting round the corner

thunderbird

Sorry to hear you are feeling so low, I can understand that it is difficult to see things from anything but a negative view at the moment. If you are really feeling unable to cope, maybe go and see your gp - they may be able to refer you for some counselling.

Also make sure you are getting all benefits you are entitled to, to reduce financial worries.

How about doing some voluntary work? Get experience, meet people, will give you a routine. If you are interested, have a look here http://www.do-it.org.uk/ for opportunities in your area.

*peridot*

A big hug and some karma from me too. I couldn't read and not post.

gingin_2

It's hard not to form first impressions of people when they post and you come across as a really bright, honest, decent person.

You've had a bad knock and are probably still in shock. The start of a new year is always depressing as you feel the pressure to make it better than the last ( well, I do!)

What area do you work in, you don't need to be too specific? Are you in a place where there is particularly high unemployment and can you apply for jobs that might require moving further away? It sounds like you have a loving family - have you been honest with them, can they help you with anything?

Wishing you luck x

mountainofdebt

I just wanted to say things will get better but you have to believe they will. In other words if you don't believe in yourself why should someone else?

As for temping for the last 3 years - well you've worked during the carpiest 3 years this world has seen so take comfort from that.

Oh and for men dating 20 yr olds - have you met a low maintenance 20 yr old recently? Half of them couldn't hold a sensible conversation about anything that didn't include the worlds WAG and celebrity.

Don't knock yourself about - whats gone is gone ....its how you deal with what's to come is the important bit

Gigglepig

I'm sorry to hear you lost your job and understand how low you must be feeling right now.

The good thing about not being tied down with a job/family/mortgage is that you are completely free to start over.

If you would be interested in for example working abroad, and could take a live in job perhaps there may be opportunities that you have not considered before? For example, tourism, hospitality, au pair/live in nanny? It doesn't need to be a forever job, but a 1 year arrangement which could give you a new start, time to explore and interest, a year to make further plans, and some time to save up a bit.

Plenty of people who are materially very successful are also lonely, of course it is great to have a good job, house and easy financial situation but it is not everything.
At times when life is hard and one is feeling really low, and it doesn't feel worth while, it can also be really nice to mean something to and do something for other people. If it isn't possible to get a job perhaps a bit of volunteering?

In addition to freedom, you may have the time to enjoy the free things in life -- many people just work work work hardly see daylight. Maybe start with a list of things that you never had the time to do when working f/t, free things, that you can look forward to enjoy.

I hope opportunities come your way soon, good luck :-)

make_me_wise

I am very sorry to hear you lost your job.

Bare in mind how capable and likeable you are. Over the last 3 years, some of the toughest economically, you have been in work. It takes someone with lots of abilities to be able to temp successfully. Joining new companies and often being thrown in at the deep end, being expected to get on with it with little or no introductory training. Not everyone could make a success of working in all manner of working environments, but you have.

Your last company liked you so much they socialised with you, wanted to take you on with a 1 year contract and were gutted to lose you. Excuse my ignorance but I have no idea what a DRO is? Whatever it is when you realised you would have to make them aware of it you did straight away. You didn't try and cover it up or lie about it. That speaks volumes to me about how honest and conscientious you are.

Give yourself a break and try to not be your harshest critic. Before you can successfully let other people into your life you need to like, love and value yourself. That way when a guy does show an interest, and it will happen, you will be at peace with yourself and he will be getting to know the real you.

Are your family aware of how much you are struggling right now? You say you love them dearly so they must be pretty great people right! I bet they would hate to know how upset you are. Talk to them and let them help you through this really tough time. If any member of my family were suffering as you are I would want to know and I would do all I could to get them back on their feet again. I would hate for them to feel so alone