Gifts of money to parents?

Nottoobadyet

Molly41 wrote: »

Currently my DD has more in her bank account than me - she is a saver and very careful with her money. I was personally mortified when she offered to pay a bill for me so I agree that to tread carefully is very important. I hugged her tightly and thanked her very much but declined her very generous offer x

Thanks very much for posting this! For the purposes of the thread, is there any way that she could have offered it that would have spared you embarrassment? Eg, if she offered it to you as money to treat yourself knowing that it would come in handy for the bill coming due?

Nottoobadyet

persa wrote: »

I wonder if your parents would accept money off you if it was to pay for your sister, rather than pay for them? Just thinking out loud. When it comes to money, there's often a pride factor to be overcome - would it hurt less if they felt you were effectively subsidising her, rather than them? (Same result, just a different explanation.)

This is a great idea, I'll have a think about how I could go about that. My sister (unlike the parents) is a true money black hole so I'll try to avoid giving it to her directly, but I could play the gift as a contribution towards her costs somehow.

victory

I would help out with the essential what they actually need rather than hand over money as you would not be sure where it went to...

If there fridge is a bit old and knackered for example buy them a new one or second hand one, or they have always mentioned they would like a microwave and never got around to buying one or you know your mums size and clothes likes then some clothes , just money for an actual purpose, they would be very pleased and you would feel happy because you would know they had benefited from it:D

zzzLazyDaisy

The problem with these situations is that unless the underlying problem is addressed, the money just goes into a black hole, and nothing changes.

I certainly wouldn't pay a regular amount into their account - they will come to depend on it and rather than paying for extras, it will just become part of the family income. If your own circumstances later change and you can no longer make these payments, they will be in even greater financial difficulties.

In my view it is better to pay for the occasional item, or contribute to a specific expense/outing. So, for example, I might be more inclined to send them a 'one off' sum of money with a note saying something like 'had an unexpected bonus, thought you might like to treat yourself to a weekend away/lunch/new outfit/whatever as I'm not there to share my good fortune with you'

This enables you to make a financial contribution, but without them becoming financially dependent on you, which isn't going to help them in the longer term.

You will be able to find reasons to periodically send sums of money, without it being regular or expected, so it will help them out, but hopefully won't discourage them from putting their own financial affairs in order.

Nottoobadyet

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

So, for example, I might be more inclined to send them a 'one off' sum of money with a note saying something like 'had an unexpected bonus, thought you might like to treat yourself to a weekend away/lunch/new outfit/whatever as I'm not there to share my good fortune with you'

This enables you to make a financial contribution, but without them becoming financially dependent on you, which isn't going to help them in the longer term.

You will be able to find reasons to periodically send sums of money, without it being regular or expected, so it will help them out, but hopefully won't discourage them from putting their own financial affairs in order.

This is a fantastic idea, thank you!

firesidemaid

i decided to look at your first post again, which says 'they are struggling to make ends meet'

i am presuming that your mum has either brought this up or talked to you about it? if so, then the way is open to continue the conversation.

such as 'you know you said things were tight just now, well why don't we make a list of ALL (including sis;)) the household incomings and outgoings (including monthly and one-offs) and see exactly where you stand'?

you don't have to pass judgement, only see what is what and maybe see what can be cancelled or reduced. you may even find there is more coming in than you think?

Nottoobadyet

Thanks firesidemaid (great name, btw!) - I will definitely try this though I dont know how successful it will be. I have been trying to help with frugal-ness by sending lots of cheap recipes etc and I know she has cut back on much of her spending (donations to charity, haircuts, non essential car journeys, the little socializing she currently does) but you're right that now may be a time shes more open to changing the way she does things.