When to stop giving birthday presents

mummybearx

Kinda unwritten rule in our family is that we stop buying for nieces and nephews when they move out of the house. Doesn't help that people are staying with parents longer and longer nowadays :mad:

My older sister said she was thinking about not buying our neice who will be 22 next week. But it's our brothers 40th the week after, and she is buying for him. Kinda think its a bit bad to buy him and not her, seeing how it's her dad....

skintmum2012

Hi my Aunts on my Mum's side still get us Birthday presents and I am 26 sisters 23 and 21 and brother 18. They dont do X mass for us but they do get something for my kids.

daisiegg

In my family, it stopped at 18. Then, for the 21st, we all got a 'big' present from all the 'aunts and uncles' together (e.g. a laptop, camera, or so on) and then nothing more after that.

My dad is one of five siblings and none of them buy birthday presents for each other. My mother and her brother don't, either.

Linda32

We've only got a small family so I guess its different. We send OH's nephews (21 and 18 or there abouts I'm abit rubbish at ages and OH is worse!!) £10 each for Xmas and Birthdays which is at least as much as we spend on everybody else, if not more!

Then these my Brother and his Wife, Brother now has Step Children but I've never met them so havn't a clue on there ages or what they would like so we don't send anything to them.

We used to send both nephew £20 when they where younger so I guess the downgrade to £10 is as a result of them becoming adults.

netskii

We've just decided to stop at 18 this year as by next C'mas 3 nieces/nephew will be over that, and we've decided for all the adults (over 18s) to do a 'secret santa' and so everyone will only have 1 (adult) present to buy, and everyone will still have something to open!! My bro suggested there be a £5 limit as the 18yo's are all either at school or college and to keep it fair on them.

sonastin

Birthday presents petered out a good while ago - somewhere in early 20s at the latest. My mum is one of 3 and each of them have one kid with no kids of their own (I'm one) and other kids who've provided grandkids. Mum & her siblings buy presents for the great-nephews and great-nieces but not my generation. But apparently one of my childless cousins feels hard-done-by because she doesn't get enough presents at xmas, so her parents buy the other 2 childless cousins a present and my mum has to find something for my cousin every year. Even though we are all now in our 30s! The bottle of wine is appreciated but it really isn't necessary any more!

Long_tall_sally

I stop after they've reached 18 but then buy again at 21. My OH however still buys for his niece & nephew & they are 25 & 21but then he only has 1 sibling & I have 3.

miss_independent

My Mum stopped buying for my cousins at 21 with the exception of one cousin (my favourite cousin) who has had a sad life and struggles financially - she sends her and the kids money at Christmas and birthdays. There is a massive age gap between me and my cousins and siblings (in some cases I am the youngest by two decades!) and I can distinctly remember my mum going round all her siblings kids (a few of them had 3 and she is one of five!) until they were 21 and her siblings decided to take the hump and exclude me because she had stopped giving to their adult children! So in some cases, my presents (and cards) stopped at age 6 or 7 and birthday presents even before that whilst my mum gave at least £25 twice a year to up to three kids from each family until they turned 21 plus £50 to £100 when they graduated/married/had a baby. It didnt bother me as I had all I needed and would rather had actual communication with my aunts and uncles rather than a tenner stuffed in a cardvbut it angers me that my mum gave for years and was never thanked and her siblings attempted to punish her through excluding me (a little girl at the time). One of my cousins still seems annoyed that my mum doesn't give him anything even though he and his wife are 30 something homeowners with two excellent wages going in and despite the fact my mum gave him money every year for birthday and Christmas until he was 21, £250 upon graduation, again money for
wedding and births of each of their two children! He on the other hand has never sent her a birthday card, never sees her, and on Christmas cards or on phone has taken to referring to her by her first name only instead of Auntie. She is really hurt by this.

I will probably always give at least a token to my niece and nephew and I have one Aunt that I always exchange gifts with as she has been very good to me and I give to my favourite cousin (just a token and vice versa) and her two teenage children (only £5 but there isn't that much of an age gap between us). I will stop at 18 with them but give a 21st present. My Grandmother still gives to everyone and has a massive family but a small pension! My oldest brother never even sends birthday or mothers day cards to my mum and I think I only ever got two birthday cards and presents in my life from him, and one Christmas present, this year didn't even get a card from him lol but I still get him and his kids (spend a small fortune on them lol) and tbh I don't mind not getting anything in return. He's still my big bro and father of my beautiful niece and nephew! I do wish he would get my mum something though, even a card, or a thank you card at least!

EstherH

Do any of these nieces and nephews that are now grown up buy for their aunts and uncles?

If on becoming adults and starting work they reciprocate the present buying all well and good. But I don't think it is right to keep buying for grown up children and them expecting it if they aren't buying something back. And I know it isn't about giving to receive.

Barneysmom

When they are old enough to say thank you without being prompted, but don't say it.
I gave my friend's son £20 on a card this year and he never said thank you so that is the last he will get off me.