money as a wedding gift, how much?

skintchick

I think as you're having to pay for your own dress, it is cheeky to ask you for money too! My bridesmaid gave us £30, which I'll be honest felt a bit stingy (she'd pay more on herself regularly and isn;t skint) AND I bought her dress and her bridesmaid's gift cost £50.

As you've asked this question you obviously feel a bit put out so could you do a gift as suggested, or if you know which hotel they are going to (or can find out) could you arrange for a free cocktail for them or flowers in their room?

marywooyeah

ugh I hate those poems - "we have pots and pans, and towels and lamps" eg just give us some money! they're nearly as bad as those lists people set up at shops for you to buy something off.

£20 is a reasonable amount, not too much to afford and a nice amount to get I think, I've always given £20 in cards at weddings and its been well recieved.

how come you had to buy your own dress and shoes?

purple.sarah

Traditionally the couple pay for the bridesmaids outfit, my bridesmaid offered to pay for hers as she chose it and will wear it again, but it shouldn't be expected. It's a bit much for them to give you this extra expense and then ask you for money too and very tacky of them to put a poem asking for money in the invites!

You could donate to a charity in the couple's names that is relevant to their interests, i.e: an animal charity if they are animal lovers. It's the thought that counts, you don't have to say how much you donated but it will be a personal gift because it is a cause that's close to their hearts and then the money will go to a deserving cause. Many charities do a card for you to give to them. Or you could get them a nice little gift. You're not obligated to give a gift, only give what you can afford. Also consider priceless gestures like writing a lovely personalised message or poem in the wedding card. If you want to slip in a twenty too that's up to you but trust me, you are not the one being stingy here!

McKneff

Thats a thought, my daughter is getting married later in the year and is not in the least materialistic but they have all their pots and pans etc. But people do want to give and feel better for doing to, specially for friend and family. This would maybe take out some of the ambi

We want your company on our special day
We have pots and pans aplenty

honeymoon;s expensive, cash is welcome but
please dont give us any more than £wenty.

any more thoughts



Yes or no.

LilMissEmmylou

Now see Marywooyeah I LOVE people who have lists, then I know I am picking something they really want!

Cash wise I always take into account that I am getting a free night out so to speak and I would easily spend £25 - £30 p/h for a 3 course meal out in an ok restaurant. i tend to give £50. I do dislike when people ask for money though!

oh and I agree, when your having to PAY for the privilage to be a bridesmaid?! (I really have never had a friend request their bridesmaids buy their own dress!) then you shouldn't have to give a large sum for a gift, your gift IMO is buying your own dress and arranging the hen party etc

AlternateMe

McKneff I like that. My friend had a similar poem in hers which was nice and seems much less rude...

McKneff

I'm a pam Ayres in disguise lol, I think adding a bit of humour helps but in all honesty I really wouldnt send one to

All parents
All bridesmaids.

JB1971

When we got married, we had already lived together for a while so had all of the usual house stuff. People did ask us beforehand what we would like as a gift, but we really didn't want anything other than our friends and family to come and celebrate with us - so that's what we said! We did receive presents (some gifts, some cash) and it was all really appreciated, but we wouldn't have dreamt of asking for money or giving a list of presents that we would like! Just give what you think is appropriate - the fact that you are sharing their day with them should be more than enough anyway in my opinion. (And before anyone asks - no we weren't/aren't rich!)

Kira000

Don't know if it will help from the opposite side? We got married in 2010, and i paid for the entire outfits of both my bridesmaid and matron of honour. My bridesmaid and her Boyfriend (SIL and on a pretty modest income), spent about £20 on our gift but paid about £80 for hotel. My matron of honour (and her husband, on a reasonable but not huge income), spent about £60 on our gift, plus about £80 on the hotel. FYI, the hotel was within travelling distance of home for them, so they didnt need to stay if they didnt want to/couldnt afford it.

hth.

Bluemeanie_2

In my wedding poem, I asked them to attend my wedding and have a great day with us. IF they wanted to buy us a gift, we would prefer cash for our new kitchen. It was in a poem, a bit cheesy but not to bad. I think it is a bit cheeky/rude to EXPECT a gift and word an invite/poem thing as such.

I was grateful for every penny we got. The only thing I was upset about was nothing to do with gifts/money. There were a few who did not even bother to reply, pure ignorance, the few that allegedly had "emergencies". Then 2 that didn't even bother with a card. That hurt more than someone who attended, made our day special and sent a card with no money whatoever.