Babysitting woes :-(

Abbafan1972

Ok, I'm posting about an issue I've got with my Mom at the moment. Before you all shoot me down in flames, my Mom is not "expected" to babysit for me.

We don't go out that often, less than once a month I would say. My Mom would babysit occasionally for me if we wanted to go out for an evening. Usually I would wait for her to offer, as I didn't always like asking, but occasionally I did ask her.

A couple of years ago, I had a massive fall out with parents (not babysitting related). To save me the agro of having to approach my Mom to babysit, I began using Sitters and all was fine with that and I felt more at ease with the fact I could just book a sitter when we fancied going out, without the agro that goes with it, (although it's a bit expensive). My Mom was a bit offended that I'd got a paid babysitter, but she said that she wanted me to ask her to do it and has been doing it now and again (we still book a sitter though when we can afford it).

Fast forward a couple of years and she has a cleaning job at the nursing home where my Nan lives. I have not problem with that etc. The only problem is that it involves working weekends and early morning starts.

The reason why I'm posting is that she promises my DD's a sleepover and then says she can't because she's working etc, so they get let down. She was supposed to have them for a sleepover on the Wednesday before Xmas and then phoned me on the Weds morning to cancel due to illness. On that Weds she was going to give me our Xmas cards, but she'd already posted our cards on the Monday, so I sort of guessed she would cancel. I did ask her if that's why she'd posted our Xmas cards and she said no.

She phoned me last night and offered to babysit NYE, her words were "if I wasn't working I would babysit for you on Saturday, you know I would", but then she said she could do it, but only until 11.00, so I told her not to bother, for one, it's a bit pointless going out on NYE if you have to leave at 11.00 and not only that, everywhere round here will be tickets only and it's too late to sort anything out.

She is coming round tomorrow afternoon and I want to speak to her as it's my birthday at the end of January (I'll be 40) and obviously I want to go out. I want to find out if she would be able to commit to babysitting on the Saturday night, obviously if she can't then I'll book a sitter. But the problem is, if I go ahead and book a sitter, she will get offended and think I don't want her to do it.

I am tired of her banging on about the fact that she wants to babysit for me and I "only have to ask", but then messes me about because she's working or whatever and then gets offended if I use the sitting service.

What's the best way to approach her about this without causing an argument?

krlyr

I would book a sitter - just be honest and say that you booked a sitter because you needed to be sure that arrangements were in place. Could you arrange some "nanny time" that doesn't necessarily have to be to a strict schedule - not even when you need to go out somewhere. That way she has no pressure to have to have them on x date between z and y times, but she can be a nan and take them out for the day/afternoon/evening or have a sleepover to suit her own work schedule. Make the paid sitter about practicality, and let your mum be a nan to the kids rather than a sitter.

saidan

very similar to my mum

i always book a babysitter - and when my mum says oh i don't mind etc - i say i'm saving you for an emergency mum.....just enjoy your grandchildren when i bring them around to see you.

that way no argument - kids still see my mum, i know where i am in needing a sitter, and everyone is happy....

Emmzi

would you want your mum to be with you for your 40th celebrations? In which case get a sitter and invite her?

victory

Your mum seems to be somewhat unrealiable so for 100% assurance that it will not be cancelled at the last minute book a sitter then you have peace of mind:D

January20

Well, your mother is obviously an unreliable babysitter and you need a reliable baby sitter so you can go and enjoy your birthday. Book a sitter and if your mother complains/ is offended tell her the truth, nicely, but do tell it's because you needed to be sure that you could go out. I think you need to be honest with her and leave no ambiguity as to your choices and the reasons behind those choices. Surely, she doesn't only see your children when she babysits, does she?

Abbafan1972

January20 wrote: »

Well, your mother is obviously an unreliable babysitter and you need a reliable baby sitter so you can go and enjoy your birthday. Book a sitter and if your mother complains/ is offended tell her the truth, nicely, but do tell it's because you needed to be sure that you could go out. I think you need to be honest with her and leave no ambiguity as to your choices and the reasons behind those choices. Surely, she doesn't only see your children when she babysits, does she?

Well, my parents collect the kids from school on a Thursday afternoon and they stay for tea. But that's only because I work Mon/Thurs (They go to school club Mon am/pm and Thurs am). If I didn't work then that wouldn't happen, so during term time they see them once a week on the Thurs. It's very rare that we go round there or they come here of a Weekend as I said before, my Mom is at work weekends, so isn't home much.

During school holidays the kids go there and stay overnight on the Sunday/Monday and the Weds/Thurs, but this is usually minimal because DH or myself usually take holidays from work to cover this. The Xmas holiday, they haven't needed to go to Nan's because DH has had holiday and my work shuts down over Xmas and I don't go back till the 5th Jan. My Mom knows all this and so does a "disappearing act".

The sleepovers are suggested by her on a certain day when she's not working and then all of a sudden she's working and let's me down. Her phone often goes at 6am and they want her to go in for 7am.

Emmzi - I did consider finding out if they wanted to come out with us on my Birthday. But we don't really do family things and there's also the fact she has to be in work on Sunday morning at 7am. I might ask if they want to come out for a meal or something and then they can always leave early if they want to. I will see what she says tomorrow.

TimBear

If it were your paid babysitter letting you down you just wouldn't use her...I understand it's hard though here because of the fact that obviously it's your mum who is letting you down which complicates things!

I would just explain that you needed to make sure plans were in place.

I echo another posted on here though - arrange a day for your children to spend time with your mum as their grandmother rather than a babysitter.

make_me_wise

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

I am tired of her banging on about the fact that she wants to babysit for me and I "only have to ask", but then messes me about because she's working or whatever and then gets offended if I use the sitting service.

I think your mum is trying to be all things to all people. She wants to help out and see her grandchildren but sometimes life gets in the way. I shouldn't think she much likes having to let you or the kids down at the last minute.

For special occasions like your birthday, NYE etc I would use the sitters service. If your mum acts offended be straight with her, if you cant talk openly with your mum who can you! Say that you understand she has to cancel on you sometimes, thats life. Explain that for certain arrangements you make you have to have a babysitter in place, that may not have to cancel at the last minute.

Only a very unreasonable person wouldn't understand that.

DS4215

As its a big birthday, take the kids out and enjoy a great family meal together. No babysitter needed then

victory

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

. It's very rare that we go round there or they come here of a Weekend as I said before, my Mom is at work weekends, so isn't home much.


So you hardly see each other and your mum works but whe n she is off work you want her to babysit and have your kids?


. But we don't really do family things .

You don't do family things but you want mum to babysit?