Friend`s g/f is very shy

scheming_gypsy

SailorSam wrote: »

Those posters who have suggested that there's something wrong, that she may have been invented by the posters friend to cover himself, it's even suggested to cover his 'gayness' have you read the Op. The two wives have spoken on Facebook.
It's easier for a shy person to talk when they can hide behind their computer.
I do it every day.

It was me who said about invented and being gay. They were thrown in as extras to the possibility that she just doesn't want to meet them. I don't think it's that rare for people to not want to meet old friends and the friend has to make excuses.

red_devil

the only way a shy person will get over it is to meet people. at the end of the day we are all just humans on this planet nothing to be scared of.

Nine_Lives

Lotus-eater wrote: »

There's a difference between caving in to a person who doesn't like to meet new people and dragging someone who is going to be physically sick when she meets some new people, to the table.

It doesn't work and pretending it does and ignoring that people might be worse than you can possibly imagine, still does not work, it means they still are that way.

I don't see who's getting dragged anywhere though? I've done a bit of skim reading, so maybe i've missed it in that, but who's getting dragged?


Personally, i feel that it's a very serious problem and not one that should be ridiculed (not to say anyone is doing so, i'm simply saying). This lady obviously has a problem (don't mean that in a nasty way) and has admitted as much. It may be beneficial for her to seek help & have it worked on if it's that bad, but i understand this is of no importance to the OP, but certainly would be to his friend.

I'm very comfortable around people i know and quite confident in small crowds. Get me around a larger cround, even if it's people i know, and i'm much much quieter. Get me with people i don't know & i'm mute.

Nine_Lives

red_devil wrote: »

nothing to be scared of.

Yet to someone who may genuinely be scared/worried, this is very easily said.

It's one of those i'm afraid - if you don't feel it yourself, you'll never fully appreciate/understand.

It's like when you see on TV where they talk about people behind their backs (think on the lines of come dine with me) where a 'strange' phobia may have been discoverd & all the others are sympathetic to the face, yet scoff about it when they get on their own with the camera - it's sad. People genuinely get scared/worked up over many 'strange' things

who are we to judge (i'm not saying YOU were judging btw)

ada1988

wvery people has his or her own characteristic.And something is not easy to change.
So,i think shy is to the one of your friend's girlfriend.

Errata

It sounds completely bizarre. Your mate can't have much of a social life, stay mates with him and meet him on his own to give him a bit of respite from being joined at the hip with his GF.

SailorSam

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

It was me who said about invented and being gay. They were thrown in as extras to the possibility that she just doesn't want to meet them. I don't think it's that rare for people to not want to meet old friends and the friend has to make excuses.

Yes i know Gypsy people make up stories but thought well it can't be 'cos she's not real if she's on Facebook. As i said although i can gab away on here i'm shy and find face-to-face encounters harder, i struggled even with FB 'cos there you're a real person talking to whoever you have as friends. ..... Silly i know.

**Juice**

I think she sounds like she needs help to be honest as there's being shy and there's actively avoiding any sort of contact. But seeing as she really seems reluctant to even try and meet with you, can't you just meet your mate without her?

doodoot

red_devil wrote: »

the only way a shy person will get over it is to meet people. at the end of the day we are all just humans on this planet nothing to be scared of.

I'll quote you to my 11 year old who has social anxiety when he's terrified of speaking in school and soils himself when he has to go to a hospital appointment...am sure it will perk him right up.

If you have no awareness of what you speak, keep your fingers away from the keyboard.

TimBear

When I first met my boyfriend I was so shy around his friends to the point that I found it impossible to talk to them.

Looking back it's funny because we're now all really good friends, but it took time (and I mean maybe a year at least)! Looking back I almost laugh at how I was with them, but at the time it was horrendous for me. I hated being in that situation.

With my friends before I met my boyfriend I'm lively and enjoy banter and get involved but with new people I clam up - I never know what to say or how to break the ice and make conversation with strangers, and it takes me a long time to feel comfortable enough to do that.

Give her time. Let her know she's welcome to any events you hold and hopefully one day she'll come out of her shell.

Don't let this come between you and your friend though.