Friend`s g/f is very shy

shelle2

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

I'm very understanding, but 18 months of not meeting them says a lot. She's met the friend and gone out on dates etc etc but can't meet the OP and his missus. To me, that sounds slightly suspicious.

Just your use of the word "gayer" shows me that you are not a very understanding or enlightened person!

sabretoothtigger

Send her a small gift of some sort, a souvenir from somewhere or whatever. If she cant send back a letter of thanks then it would be pretty much a lost cause I guess
In ye olden days I think it was more often people would exchange letters before meeting. Pretend shes a Victorian nut

adelight

The longer something builds up (like failed meetings) the more anxious she will feel about meeting you. Try to arrange something close to her home where she has the opportunity to slip away if needs be and where the focus isn't entirely on her. Maybe a pub very close to her house or meeting up for a coffee in town when both couples are there? So it will be very brief and somewhere open where other things are going on and she won't feel so under pressure. Or when you are in the area text/call your friend and ask if you can pop in for a cup of tea, say you can only stay 10 minutes but wanted to say hello. That way it will be a very brief meeting, even if she simply says hello at the door then scuttles off at least she has had that initial exposure to you. Getting over that first brief meeting really helps.

SailorSam

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

I'm very understanding, but 18 months of not meeting them says a lot. She's met the friend and gone out on dates etc etc but can't meet the OP and his missus. To me, that sounds slightly suspicious.

If you're shy there's a big difference between meeting one person and more than one, even two can stressful.

Nine_Lives

TBH i feel for this chaps missus.

A lot of people wont get it as they'll have no bother meeting others. Personally i don't like meeting new people at all. I end up having to get forced by the gf. I'm not as bad as this chaps missus, but without my gf, i could quite easily be. As has been said, it's very phobia-like.

Whereas my missus puts her foot down & kicks my backside, maybe this chap caves in to his missus' phobia?

scheming_gypsy

ScarletRaven wrote: »

Doesn't sound suspicious at all. .

That's why i underlined the 'me' bit as, to me something doesn't sound right. Maybe it's just the way the OP posted it; but it comes across that everything is arranged and then at the last minute it changes. From my experience, last minute bailouts normally happen when they know something isn't going to happen but play along. That's what makes it's seem suspicious to me.

Lotus-eater

K_P83 wrote: »

TBH i feel for this chaps missus.

A lot of people wont get it as they'll have no bother meeting others. Personally i don't like meeting new people at all. I end up having to get forced by the gf. I'm not as bad as this chaps missus, but without my gf, i could quite easily be. As has been said, it's very phobia-like.

Whereas my missus puts her foot down & kicks my backside, maybe this chap caves in to his missus' phobia?

There's a difference between caving in to a person who doesn't like to meet new people and dragging someone who is going to be physically sick when she meets some new people, to the table.

It doesn't work and pretending it does and ignoring that people might be worse than you can possibly imagine, still does not work, it means they still are that way.

persa

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

Maybe it's just the way the OP posted it; but it comes across that everything is arranged and then at the last minute it changes. From my experience, last minute bailouts normally happen when they know something isn't going to happen but play along. That's what makes it's seem suspicious to me.

It sounds to me as if she agrees to meet new people, goes along with plans and then at the last minute, loses her bottle. If you can't relate to that, not even one bit, you must really be the life and soul of the party.

Sometimes I can be really good and network with a whole room of strangers all by myself, other times I can't face going to an event, even with my OH for support. I'm hoping one day I'll just 'get over it', but when you're naturally shy, it's difficult to act otherwise.

I hope the OP finds a way to maintain his friendship with his mate. It's a shame his friend's missus doesn't feel able to meet him just yet, but their friendship shouldn't suffer because of it.

SailorSam

Those posters who have suggested that there's something wrong, that she may have been invented by the posters friend to cover himself, it's even suggested to cover his 'gayness' have you read the Op. The two wives have spoken on Facebook.
It's easier for a shy person to talk when they can hide behind their computer.
I do it every day.

scheming_gypsy

persa wrote: »

It sounds to me as if she agrees to meet new people, goes along with plans and then at the last minute, loses her bottle. If you can't relate to that, not even one bit, you must really be the life and soul of the party.

Sometimes I can be really good and network with a whole room of strangers all by myself, other times I can't face going to an event, even with my OH for support. I'm hoping one day I'll just 'get over it', but when you're naturally shy, it's difficult to act otherwise.

I hope the OP finds a way to maintain his friendship with his mate. It's a shame his friend's missus doesn't feel able to meet him just yet, but their friendship shouldn't suffer because of it.

That's why I said from my experience. I'm far from the life and soul of the party but after a while you know who's going to let you down at the last minute and it comes as no surprise when it does because you're already expecting it.