Sister in law recycling presents

System

Lets assume the kid was say, 10 and sister gave him an 18 rated video (something not age suitable), would it still be wrong to moan then? It doesn't take 5 minutes to wrap a pressie, but it takes more than 5 minutes to put care and consideration into choosing a present. Fair enough maybe she couldn't afford anything else but i wouldn't say a lot of thought went into it.

durham_girl

victory wrote: »

:DYou have a very valid point but read my post 7 and there should be a solution for next year amongst the ideas

I think the most diplomatic solution is to offer not to exchange any presents.

thatgirlsam wrote: »

The age thing is only a guide

My son is 6 and I gave him lego aimed to 9-16 years, because I know it will give him more of a challenge and he will love it

So I gave my son something aimed for children 10 years older then him... not sure how many 16 year olds still like star wars lego though

Maybe she did re-gift as she had nothing else to give

I do see your point, this is not one of those toys where the age range is flexible.

I think the problem is she see buying presents as a waste of money. Her boyfriend seems to spend all their money on drink/drugs.

thatgirlsam

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Lets assume the kid was say, 10 and sister gave him an 18 rated video (something not age suitable), would it still be wrong to moan then? It doesn't take 5 minutes to wrap a pressie, but it takes more than 5 minutes to put care and consideration into choosing a present. Fair enough maybe she couldn't afford anything else but i wouldn't say a lot of thought went into it.

Its different

There will be adult content in an 18 rated film or game

When did Christmas become about what presents you could get and having a go/berating people for getting your presents wrong!

thatgirlsam

durham_girl wrote: »

I think the most diplomatic solution is to offer not to exchange any presents.



I do see your point, this is not one of those toys where the age range is flexible.

I think the problem is she see buying presents as a waste of money. Her boyfriend seems to spend all their money on drink/drugs.

And here is the problem

This could be why she doesn't have any money to spend on presents for family!

Instead of moaning about the fact she gave your child the wrong present maybe you could offer some sort of support to get through this?

I do mean that in a nice way even if it doesn't come across like that

durham_girl

Wouldn't work. He also knocks her about but she won't leave. Goes back to him every time. She's been offered constant support but she won't take help and won't hear a bad word said about him. When I said he spends all their money, I meant the drink/drugs are for both of them.

thatgirlsam

durham_girl wrote: »

Wouldn't work. He also knocks her about but she won't leave. Goes back to him every time. She's been offered constant support but she won't take help and won't hear a bad word said about him. When I said he spends all their money, I meant the drink/drugs are for both of them.

Well she is going through bad times isn't she

Have a bit of compassion for her situation, it cannot be easy

She got your son's gift wrong but it is the least of her worries

dizziblonde

durham_girl wrote: »

Wouldn't work. He also knocks her about but she won't leave. Goes back to him every time. She's been offered constant support but she won't take help and won't hear a bad word said about him. When I said he spends all their money, I meant the drink/drugs are for both of them.

So you've got a relative in a violent relationship, unable to afford to buy presents because of the waster she's with (and saying "oh leave him" doesn't work when you're actually stuck in that situation) - and she's desperately tried to find something for your child to open on Christmas Day as best she can.

And you're sat on the internet whining about it instead of actually seeing the reality of the situation and that she was trying as best she could?

God - I hate Christmas Ungrateful-Mummyzillas so much. You get a gift - it's not right, you ask what to buy - you're not using your initiative or putting thought into it, you give money - you haven't tried to get them anything and taken the easy way out, you put gift tags on from yourself - you're destroying the Santa myth, you write gift tags out from Santa - you're usurping mummy and daddy... it's like a collossal "what can I wring out of everyone this year" festival.

Or you can go to her and complain about the presents, make her feel even worse about it all and drive a wedge between you, so when the point comes where she DOES hit the time when she's able to leave the waster - she doesn't feel able to turn to her family because of the unsatisfactory Christmas present not meeting the suitable festive loot levels and feels even MORE isolated (and you feel isolated enough when you're in that kind of relationship).

*max*

Accept the gift and don't say anything. Even if you think your gifts to her are better or more thoughful, why does it even matter? It's not a competition! You should be giving a gift because you want to, not because you expect something equally nice in return.

Saying something WILL open a can of worms, and very possibly make her feel like cr4p. Don't say anything.

thatgirlsam

dizziblonde wrote: »

So you've got a relative in a violent relationship, unable to afford to buy presents because of the waster she's with (and saying "oh leave him" doesn't work when you're actually stuck in that situation) - and she's desperately tried to find something for your child to open on Christmas Day as best she can.

And you're sat on the internet whining about it instead of actually seeing the reality of the situation and that she was trying as best she could?

God - I hate Christmas Ungrateful-Mummyzillas so much. You get a gift - it's not right, you ask what to buy - you're not using your initiative or putting thought into it, you give money - you haven't tried to get them anything and taken the easy way out, you put gift tags on from yourself - you're destroying the Santa myth, you write gift tags out from Santa - you're usurping mummy and daddy... it's like a collossal "what can I wring out of everyone this year" festival.

Or you can go to her and complain about the presents, make her feel even worse about it all and drive a wedge between you, so when the point comes where she DOES hit the time when she's able to leave the waster - she doesn't feel able to turn to her family because of the unsatisfactory Christmas present not meeting the suitable festive loot levels and feels even MORE isolated (and you feel isolated enough when you're in that kind of relationship).

Great post.... I think people have forgotten what Christmas means

Show some goodwill to your poor SIL!

durham_girl

dizziblonde wrote: »

So you've got a relative in a violent relationship, unable to afford to buy presents because of the waster she's with (and saying "oh leave him" doesn't work when you're actually stuck in that situation) - and she's desperately tried to find something for your child to open on Christmas Day as best she can.

And you're sat on the internet whining about it instead of actually seeing the reality of the situation and that she was trying as best she could?

God - I hate Christmas Ungrateful-Mummyzillas so much. You get a gift - it's not right, you ask what to buy - you're not using your initiative or putting thought into it, you give money - you haven't tried to get them anything and taken the easy way out, you put gift tags on from yourself - you're destroying the Santa myth, you write gift tags out from Santa - you're usurping mummy and daddy... it's like a collossal "what can I wring out of everyone this year" festival.

Or you can go to her and complain about the presents, make her feel even worse about it all and drive a wedge between you, so when the point comes where she DOES hit the time when she's able to leave the waster - she doesn't feel able to turn to her family because of the unsatisfactory Christmas present not meeting the suitable festive loot levels and feels even MORE isolated (and you feel isolated enough when you're in that kind of relationship).

Get off your bloody high horse!

I think I might have a handle on the situation better then you. The truth is she LIKES it this way. She has said so herself and nothing anybody has done can change her mind. It's not that she wants to buy better presents but can't, she doesn't care about anybody other than herself and her boyfriend, that goes for the kids too they come second best.

What I hate most is sanctimonious people who go wading in with their overbearing opinions when they don't have a clue about the real life situation. People who makes assumptions which have no basis and proceed to throw them about.

MSE is becoming a very nasty place. Some posters seem to seek out little things to jump on and turn around to suit their own vicious agenda.