Planning on leaving - things I should be doing before I do

swingaloo

Wow, this reminds me of my past. I spent months planning and putting things to one side to leave. Unless you have no feelings at all for this person (and it seem you do or you wouldnt bother trying to make it easy for him to cope financiallt etc) it will be much more difficult to do than you think.
I detested my ex and knew I had to leave but its still the hardest thing in the world to wake up one day and say 'Right, todays the day I go'.

One thing that has not been mentioned on her is how he will react and that will have a massive effect on you. My ex used to say he would 'find me and kill me' - 'threaten my family - 'get me at work' etc if I ever dared leave him.

The reality was - he cried like a baby, rang me constantly, stood outside my work sobbing, became a nightmare to the neighbours we had asking them to intervene and get me back home.

I cant tell you the stress it caused and the feelings of guilt even though I knew it was the right thing to do. Its 14 years ago, Ive moved house 4 times, we have both remarried and yet he still writes to me and sometimes I see him standing outside work. The fact that he has not 'got over it and moved on' (despite a rushed 2nd marriage) still leaves me with so much guilt that I have caused so much unhappiness in the pursuit of my own freedom.

You know its not working and are doing the right thing leaving but please be ready for the mental stress as well as the practical.

Good Luck.

gfplux

Hello BB,
This is a great thread and many people would benefit from the advise given here. It almost should be a sticky.
You may want to consolidate the advise in due course and perhaps comment on it after the event as to which things you did right and anything you forgot.
My only observation would be on your next accomadation. You say one propertyis only half a mile away. My opinion would be to look for something further from your ex, perhaps not on a road he often uses. You also have no reason to give him your new address but it will not be too difficult to find you if he wanted to.
It's all about avoiding provocation. For example do not hand him an envelope with the various documents in but tell him where to find them. If possible in other room from where you give him the news. Perhaps have a friend waiting outside.
Even the most docile sloth can act out of character.
Good Luck and keep safe.